Realisation
I've realised another way in which I, and other subgroups, upset the status apple cart for people who see themselves as having a right to control me through reward systems. The parenting concept of "controlling the currency" applies to this. And, tangentially, those advertisments for Pandora jewelery.
For people who don't know, the Pandora bracelet concept involves a fairly plain bracelet to which fancy expensive beads and jewels can be added. In the advertisements I've seen on TV, a paternal voice muses over how his little girl is now a journalist, and he bestows a gift of a bead to mark the occasion. It is benign and sweet in that context, but the implication that when his little girl achieves a milestone her father approves of and finds worthy, he gives her another bead for her bracelet.
He expects to bestow these marks of approval as she earns them, and for his daughter to want them, and to treasure them as special. He expects, or possibly only hopes, that his reward system will influence her decisions and behaviour.
I've always been aware that there has been a risk of losing certain privileges, but that is a passive thing; a "don't do 'X'" thing. I have recognised that there have been attempts at a similar pat-on-the-head reward system from people in my life who aspire to influence my decisions and behaviours.
But I flummox these people by being so self-sufficient in procuring the material goods I want and need. To hark back to the bracelet analogy; Sure, give me a bead for my bracelet. That's lovely, evenif I feel a bit odd that you paid retail for it. But if I like it, next time you see me, I will be wearing seven on each arm, having picked them up at garage sales. And in all innocence I will joyfully show them to you, exclaiming about how much I like them and what a bargain they were and how much I appreciate having been turned on to them by your original gift.
Because I really am that oblivious.
This entry crossposted from http://tangent-woman.dreamwidth.org/544066.html with
comments. Please comment there if you feel inclined. You too can have a Dreamwidth blog. Ask me how!
For people who don't know, the Pandora bracelet concept involves a fairly plain bracelet to which fancy expensive beads and jewels can be added. In the advertisements I've seen on TV, a paternal voice muses over how his little girl is now a journalist, and he bestows a gift of a bead to mark the occasion. It is benign and sweet in that context, but the implication that when his little girl achieves a milestone her father approves of and finds worthy, he gives her another bead for her bracelet.
He expects to bestow these marks of approval as she earns them, and for his daughter to want them, and to treasure them as special. He expects, or possibly only hopes, that his reward system will influence her decisions and behaviour.
I've always been aware that there has been a risk of losing certain privileges, but that is a passive thing; a "don't do 'X'" thing. I have recognised that there have been attempts at a similar pat-on-the-head reward system from people in my life who aspire to influence my decisions and behaviours.
But I flummox these people by being so self-sufficient in procuring the material goods I want and need. To hark back to the bracelet analogy; Sure, give me a bead for my bracelet. That's lovely, evenif I feel a bit odd that you paid retail for it. But if I like it, next time you see me, I will be wearing seven on each arm, having picked them up at garage sales. And in all innocence I will joyfully show them to you, exclaiming about how much I like them and what a bargain they were and how much I appreciate having been turned on to them by your original gift.
Because I really am that oblivious.
This entry crossposted from http://tangent-woman.dreamwidth.org/544066.html with
comments. Please comment there if you feel inclined. You too can have a Dreamwidth blog. Ask me how!