(no subject)
Wauw. I really do feel dumped by my friends.I'm down, depressed, angry and tired. Full of 'why don't you go fuck yourselves'. Yesterday they didn't tell me they weren't going to be there for lunch. Today, Marieke is so motherfucking preoccupied by the fact that they're having dinner together that she only checks her phone now, while, yanno, important questions such as pregaming needed answering. She could've forseen that I would try to contact her. For god's sake fuckwit check your fucking phone. Be available. Don't be a fucking cunt.
I feel forgotten. And it pisses me off - which, in turn, has me even more pissed off because jesus christ what the fuck is up with my feelings? It's not like we're dating, it's not like I can ask that much attention of her, she's not obliged to care about how her actions impact my day. Fucking jezus.
I feel like a third leg - and not in a good way. bleh.
Today there was no text whether I was coming for lunch either. I was late, and not very participatory. And I think tomorrow I won't bother at all. Fuck y'all and the horse you rode in on.
And now I have to party until 4 o'clock at night and I am just tired and sick and tired. My room is a mess. My plant is barely coping. I did not win anything at the Pinkpop give-away today. I'm fat. I have rings under my eyes. Milky white legs. I drank 4 mugs of coffee today. Or more, I'm not quite sure. And I am still fucking tired. I took two vitamin B pills. Still motherfucking tired.
My parents are driving me back to Renkum on Sunday and I am ashamed of my room. I have not done any laundry. Dishes. Cleaning up. Vacuuming. The paint stuff (of like, 3 weeks ago) is still there. So is the indoor gardening stuff of last week. Cigarettes and co. Trash. Blanket stuff. Sand. Leaves. Jesus. But I can't will myself to do anything about it. Instead I sit here and fume or feel sad.
There's actually a pile with clean stuff right next to the pile with dirty clothes. It's interesting, how I keep my laundry.
Ugh. I want to wear makeup but at the same time it'll just come sliding off. In any case, maybe some pimping and preeming (lol euh) makes me feel better. It's either that or a cigarette. Let's not do that.
I feel forgotten. And it pisses me off - which, in turn, has me even more pissed off because jesus christ what the fuck is up with my feelings? It's not like we're dating, it's not like I can ask that much attention of her, she's not obliged to care about how her actions impact my day. Fucking jezus.
I feel like a third leg - and not in a good way. bleh.
Today there was no text whether I was coming for lunch either. I was late, and not very participatory. And I think tomorrow I won't bother at all. Fuck y'all and the horse you rode in on.
And now I have to party until 4 o'clock at night and I am just tired and sick and tired. My room is a mess. My plant is barely coping. I did not win anything at the Pinkpop give-away today. I'm fat. I have rings under my eyes. Milky white legs. I drank 4 mugs of coffee today. Or more, I'm not quite sure. And I am still fucking tired. I took two vitamin B pills. Still motherfucking tired.
My parents are driving me back to Renkum on Sunday and I am ashamed of my room. I have not done any laundry. Dishes. Cleaning up. Vacuuming. The paint stuff (of like, 3 weeks ago) is still there. So is the indoor gardening stuff of last week. Cigarettes and co. Trash. Blanket stuff. Sand. Leaves. Jesus. But I can't will myself to do anything about it. Instead I sit here and fume or feel sad.
There's actually a pile with clean stuff right next to the pile with dirty clothes. It's interesting, how I keep my laundry.
Ugh. I want to wear makeup but at the same time it'll just come sliding off. In any case, maybe some pimping and preeming (lol euh) makes me feel better. It's either that or a cigarette. Let's not do that.