26 Limericks (Various characters, G to PG-13)
Title: 26 Limericks (plus one)
Author: chthonya
Rating: PG-13
Length: 850 words
Summary: A collection of limericks about various Harry Potter characters.
Author's note: I posted these, one a day, during Advent 2008. One of my friends suggested I post them here; as it says in the userinfo that 'all genres and styles' are welcome, I hope it's okay to do so. One word of warning: I wrote them for the amusement of my flist, many of whom are slash fans. Hence there are occasional nods in that direction, though my intention was to comment on fandom interpretations of characters - therefore to my mind it's all gen.
So, on with the limericks:
There was a young wizard named Harry
Who had quite a burden to carry.
But when he'd saved the day
And was ready to play
His creatrix insisted he marry.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There was a young wizard called Ron
Who constantly felt put upon
But he (not his friend)
Got the girl in the end
Though sometimes she did rabbit on.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There was a young witch called Hermione
Whose name I can't rhyme for the life of me.
I'm sure that she could
But not that she would:
Far too silly for busy Hermione.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There once was a wizard called Lucius
Whose ethics weren't those of Confucius.
When his plans went awry
Into fury he'd fly
And we'd very much hope he'd not see us.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Beedle - a Bard without peer -
Told stories we're eager to hear.
But when telling of brothers
Then Ron, among others,
Wished Beedle had been far more clear.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There was a young witch named Merope
Whose life was decidedly ropey.
So she mixed up a potion
To induce devotion
But when it went wrong she went mopey.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
The childhood of Sirius Black
Was such that for nothing he'd lack
Except maybe love
So when push came to shove
He refused to do what was expected.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Wizards who preen and are vain
Are frankly a bit of a pain
So no tears did we shed
When Gilderoy fled
But was made to go first down the drain.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
The acid-green quill of Ms Skeeter
Tore to shreds all those folk who did meet her.
But clever Miss Granger
Contained the danger
In a glass jar of less than a litre.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Peeves was a naughty has-been:
He mocked and played pranks and was mean.
But the students and staff
Were to have the last laugh:
In the movies he'll never be seen.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Young Lily thought Snape had good aims
And she hated to hear him called names.
Well, we all know their history
Except for one mystery:
How the hell did she end up with James?
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There was a young man called Tobias
As rigid as 'puff Zacharias.
He married a witch
Though her skills made him twitch:
Perhaps he'd been raised to be pious?
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Dolores, she liked to wear pink
And use pens that required no ink.
She taunted her prey
But when she heard 'Neigh'
She'd panic and run to the sink.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
The Hogwarts' gamekeeper was hairy
And liked to breed beasts that were scary.
He tried for romance
In Olympe's lacy pants
But (sensibly so) she was wary.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
The Weasley lass with the long hair
Was, for two books, barely there.
But to all those who bleat
At her chest-monster feat:
It is Jo's word that goes, and so there!
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Betrayal amid war and tension
Is almost beyond comprehension.
Fearing to linger,
Pete bit off his finger
And left his old friend in detention.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Dobby was bloody annoying
Especially when sharp pain enjoying.
He bounced round with glee
When he was set free
But he still felt he needed employing.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
His friends offered Remus their trust
(And, according to fanfic, their lust).
But though he learned magic
His life was quite tragic
And to kill him off-page was unjust.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
This is my tribute to Luna
Without whom there'd be a lacuna.
She thinks there's a plot
To have all Snorkacks shot
And to fill their hind legs with baked tuna.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Minerva, she tried to be firm.
(Or at least, she did during term.)
Her only wee vice:
She liked to chase mice,
Which sometimes made new students squirm.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Bellatrix had a mad cackle
And a taste for the knife and the shackle.
She pursued the Dark Lord -
We don't know if she scored
Or if a Horcrux had taken his tackle.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There were some who thought Neville a joke,
Who spoiled every spell that he spoke.
But his passion was fierce,
And his epic sword-pierce
Helped throw off Lord Voldemort's yoke.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Young Tom was a master of lies
And liked to cause poor orphans' cries.
When Dumbledore came
He knew he'd find fame -
But did he really want weird snakey eyes?
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Old Albus had secrets to hide
In nobody would he confide
Some fans thought him wily
But then went all smiley
When his gay love could not be denied.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Young Draco, he thought himself bad
Though he couldn't live up to his dad.
But his fans couldn't care less
If he ends up hair-less
So long as he lusts for a lad.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Arthur, he likes to be jolly
When not nagged at by wobbly wife Molly.
When time comes for Yule,
He grins like a fool
And puts up the tinsel and holly.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Jo's saga of black, grey and white
Spawned a fandom in which I delight.
I hope that my wiles
Have given you smiles
But for now I will bid you good night.
Author: chthonya
Rating: PG-13
Length: 850 words
Summary: A collection of limericks about various Harry Potter characters.
Author's note: I posted these, one a day, during Advent 2008. One of my friends suggested I post them here; as it says in the userinfo that 'all genres and styles' are welcome, I hope it's okay to do so. One word of warning: I wrote them for the amusement of my flist, many of whom are slash fans. Hence there are occasional nods in that direction, though my intention was to comment on fandom interpretations of characters - therefore to my mind it's all gen.
So, on with the limericks:
There was a young wizard named Harry
Who had quite a burden to carry.
But when he'd saved the day
And was ready to play
His creatrix insisted he marry.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There was a young wizard called Ron
Who constantly felt put upon
But he (not his friend)
Got the girl in the end
Though sometimes she did rabbit on.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There was a young witch called Hermione
Whose name I can't rhyme for the life of me.
I'm sure that she could
But not that she would:
Far too silly for busy Hermione.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There once was a wizard called Lucius
Whose ethics weren't those of Confucius.
When his plans went awry
Into fury he'd fly
And we'd very much hope he'd not see us.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Beedle - a Bard without peer -
Told stories we're eager to hear.
But when telling of brothers
Then Ron, among others,
Wished Beedle had been far more clear.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There was a young witch named Merope
Whose life was decidedly ropey.
So she mixed up a potion
To induce devotion
But when it went wrong she went mopey.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
The childhood of Sirius Black
Was such that for nothing he'd lack
Except maybe love
So when push came to shove
He refused to do what was expected.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Wizards who preen and are vain
Are frankly a bit of a pain
So no tears did we shed
When Gilderoy fled
But was made to go first down the drain.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
The acid-green quill of Ms Skeeter
Tore to shreds all those folk who did meet her.
But clever Miss Granger
Contained the danger
In a glass jar of less than a litre.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Peeves was a naughty has-been:
He mocked and played pranks and was mean.
But the students and staff
Were to have the last laugh:
In the movies he'll never be seen.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Young Lily thought Snape had good aims
And she hated to hear him called names.
Well, we all know their history
Except for one mystery:
How the hell did she end up with James?
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There was a young man called Tobias
As rigid as 'puff Zacharias.
He married a witch
Though her skills made him twitch:
Perhaps he'd been raised to be pious?
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Dolores, she liked to wear pink
And use pens that required no ink.
She taunted her prey
But when she heard 'Neigh'
She'd panic and run to the sink.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
The Hogwarts' gamekeeper was hairy
And liked to breed beasts that were scary.
He tried for romance
In Olympe's lacy pants
But (sensibly so) she was wary.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
The Weasley lass with the long hair
Was, for two books, barely there.
But to all those who bleat
At her chest-monster feat:
It is Jo's word that goes, and so there!
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Betrayal amid war and tension
Is almost beyond comprehension.
Fearing to linger,
Pete bit off his finger
And left his old friend in detention.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Dobby was bloody annoying
Especially when sharp pain enjoying.
He bounced round with glee
When he was set free
But he still felt he needed employing.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
His friends offered Remus their trust
(And, according to fanfic, their lust).
But though he learned magic
His life was quite tragic
And to kill him off-page was unjust.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
This is my tribute to Luna
Without whom there'd be a lacuna.
She thinks there's a plot
To have all Snorkacks shot
And to fill their hind legs with baked tuna.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Minerva, she tried to be firm.
(Or at least, she did during term.)
Her only wee vice:
She liked to chase mice,
Which sometimes made new students squirm.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Bellatrix had a mad cackle
And a taste for the knife and the shackle.
She pursued the Dark Lord -
We don't know if she scored
Or if a Horcrux had taken his tackle.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
There were some who thought Neville a joke,
Who spoiled every spell that he spoke.
But his passion was fierce,
And his epic sword-pierce
Helped throw off Lord Voldemort's yoke.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Young Tom was a master of lies
And liked to cause poor orphans' cries.
When Dumbledore came
He knew he'd find fame -
But did he really want weird snakey eyes?
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Old Albus had secrets to hide
In nobody would he confide
Some fans thought him wily
But then went all smiley
When his gay love could not be denied.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Young Draco, he thought himself bad
Though he couldn't live up to his dad.
But his fans couldn't care less
If he ends up hair-less
So long as he lusts for a lad.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Arthur, he likes to be jolly
When not nagged at by wobbly wife Molly.
When time comes for Yule,
He grins like a fool
And puts up the tinsel and holly.
::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::
Jo's saga of black, grey and white
Spawned a fandom in which I delight.
I hope that my wiles
Have given you smiles
But for now I will bid you good night.