Nov. - Dec. '16
Woah, there have been a lot of ups and downs recently.
One major up has been my job. Despite some minor crap that has been frustrating, I really really love what I am doing. My boss is awesome. I can see the difference I am making. There is so much work to do, and I am so excited everyday to go tackle it.
On the other hand I have had several bouts of impotent direction-less rage, which is a sign that I have needs that are not getting met. In this case I think it is a failure to provide adequate self-care and down time to as I try to balance the needs and demands of everyone around me. I find myself wanting to hide and not communicate, which is not productive and then I have to push through. Yes, regular stuff, but both important and hard.
There have been several hard conversations, which I am proud of everyone for having and were important, but also I am feeling tired. So tired. I am deeply grateful for the space that has been held for me, and I am trying to pass it forward, while still saving enough spoons. Sometimes it is hard to judge though how much to save for the unexpected.
I have gotten some much needed extra individual time with both majes and jasra though, which has been delightful. I am hopeful to get a bit more quiet time with family over the holiday break too.
There have been some fun events, including going contra dancing with mayaandspice, oddduckling and B. I led, which was new to me. It was like English country dancing in many ways, but different both in details and the experience of dancing a different role.
Politics - feeling so angry, scared and protective of the vulnerable. There feels like there is nothing here to be said that has not already been said. That doesn't make it feel better though.
Chiquita is navigating her own place in the world, and it is both simultaneously something I am excited for her about and a thing I spend a lot of spoons on. There is personal, highschool, job, a romantic relationship, family, college applications, career plans, and thoughts towards how to set herself up for success in the next few years.
One major up has been my job. Despite some minor crap that has been frustrating, I really really love what I am doing. My boss is awesome. I can see the difference I am making. There is so much work to do, and I am so excited everyday to go tackle it.
On the other hand I have had several bouts of impotent direction-less rage, which is a sign that I have needs that are not getting met. In this case I think it is a failure to provide adequate self-care and down time to as I try to balance the needs and demands of everyone around me. I find myself wanting to hide and not communicate, which is not productive and then I have to push through. Yes, regular stuff, but both important and hard.
There have been several hard conversations, which I am proud of everyone for having and were important, but also I am feeling tired. So tired. I am deeply grateful for the space that has been held for me, and I am trying to pass it forward, while still saving enough spoons. Sometimes it is hard to judge though how much to save for the unexpected.
I have gotten some much needed extra individual time with both majes and jasra though, which has been delightful. I am hopeful to get a bit more quiet time with family over the holiday break too.
There have been some fun events, including going contra dancing with mayaandspice, oddduckling and B. I led, which was new to me. It was like English country dancing in many ways, but different both in details and the experience of dancing a different role.
Politics - feeling so angry, scared and protective of the vulnerable. There feels like there is nothing here to be said that has not already been said. That doesn't make it feel better though.
Chiquita is navigating her own place in the world, and it is both simultaneously something I am excited for her about and a thing I spend a lot of spoons on. There is personal, highschool, job, a romantic relationship, family, college applications, career plans, and thoughts towards how to set herself up for success in the next few years.