Im s0o fucked....:(

[ominoustears]

The wholeeee widest of world came crashing down the night before last.I dont know how,but some fuckin how my dad saw one of the cuts on my thigh.He was like "thats new".I tried to get up and go to my room,and he grabbed my arm and said if I moved from the seat he'd call the hospital right then.HE kept talkin for hours and wut not and my mami sat at the table listening as well.I was hysterically crying the whole time and struggling to breathe,so my dad was trying to explain to my mommy why I cut.:( He made me try to explain but I couldnt.It was s0o horrible-the whole thing.Thennn he made me show my mom my new cuts and they counted them all.45 or so...20 cuts and then the Die Strong.:( He said I lost the privelage of not being checked and shit.But in the end he decided to give me one last chance.The whole time though he was gunna put me in the stupidface hospital-charter.He was saying it was his fault that I cut,which made no fucken sense because it wasnt.Then he told me how the day I saw my Dr. and psychiatrist the other week in Ga~they wanted me placed right away in the hospital and my dad convinced them not to.S0o0owo0 it was 'his' fault cuz if he had put me in it,i wouldnt have cut.I got worse...but now I have to try with my whole widest of heart to stop cuz He made me promise him I'll try my hardest.He knows its an impossibility for me to never do it again,but if I want to he wants me to tell him so he can help me overcome the damn urge.:( :( I cant lock my door anymore...annndd I gave him most of my razors.:( i still have my favorite one though just in case.I couldnt part with it.I just couldnt.The only way I will go to a fuckin hospital now is if i 'make him' or i choose to.Im s0owwy everyone-if I upset you.Im trying to get better though.:( Rawwrrr... Life sucks.Its been A whole wide day and a half since I've done anything.Yesterday I got really sick though for some weird reason.I feel better now though.Yesterday i was getting a fever and shaking and s0oo0wo0 sick.:( I had to stay in the clinic for an hour.
Well my poohead lovies..Im going to read or something.Have a budimous day kayyzers?-1 Luv