"...I should tell you I'm Disaster..."
Bllllahhhhhhh... That's it. Just blahhh. I've wanted to cry all night, and I can't help it. Cry for all the things I am forcing myself to not think about. But not thinking about it all, doesn't make it disappear. I wish it did. I keep tryin to push it back, push it the fuck away. But now,soon, when I am alone again..it will all be worse. I'm a little fearful of myself now and the destruction within my own mind that begins its tragic creations. I have a certain happiness in front of me. Have for these moments the smile upon my face which is genuine and glorious. And in the midst of the contentment and love I've found in these days, the looming sorrow still arises and begins to consume me. I smile. Tell myself it'll be okay. Tell him. Tell them. Tell myself. I swear it must eventually be okay. It has to be. Especially now, when I've found somewhere I can be me. Somewhere the compassion is true, and the someone who holds my sanity in tact. Holds my heart, and i can feel. Everything is wrong. Fucked up. Everything but one. One thing is my love. mi amore. thankfully. I don't want to be in my life. In this skin. Don't want to go back to my reality... the reality in which the negativity and misery triumphs. In which they all wait to see me fall and no ones there to help me up. Blahhh... I must go. Don't think i am not grateful though. In all this sadness, there is a profound bit of happiness. Close friends and some family that Id die for, and a new love. And I thank the gods. But fuck. Blahh. It will be okay...right?:/ I don't know how I'm going to survive these next few months. Shitty.
There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss...
No other road. No other way. No day but today...
There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss...
No other road. No other way. No day but today...