Chapter Six
CHAPTER SIX… ARE WE UP TO CHAPTER SIX? THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT REAL AUTHORS CHECK BEFORE WRITING THEM…: IN WHICH INTERPRETIVE DANCE SAVES THE DAY
India and the rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! journeyed along the path of the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy for several more hours before stopping to take a dinner break. Andrew the Apple Eater once again shared his plentiful supply of apples, because Sian the half human, half robot had offered to go searching for food for them all, and they were not too keen on that idea.
So India, Lucy the Literate, Andrew the Apple Eater, Eleanor the Electric and Sian the half human, half robot sat a little off of the path (they were not quite as insane as the two old ladies, Kathereen and Laurarara, so as to sit in the middle of a path) and ate their apples.
“I wonder if more
crazy and just plain weird tasks
will come up for us?” Lucy the Literate wondered aloud. Speaking in haiku really limited what Lucy the Literate could say. Sometimes, though, there were just too many syllables, and she would have to think more carefully about what she wanted to say.
If Bianca the Bi-Lingual were still alive, she would have made an interesting comment on the French way of saying “to wonder”, and how they say, “to ask oneself” instead. She had discovered this by reading Harry Potter, in French. But Bianca the Bi-Lingual was dead. And so she did not say that.
Anyway. The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! did not know about that little aside I put in there about French wondering, and so Sian the half human, half robot said, “I sure hope not. I’m not too crazy about crazy and just plain weird tasks.
“Mm, me too,” Andrew the Apple Eater said. “But here come a group of ninjas, so I do not think that we are going to be able to avoid another crazy and just plain task. Are they a “group” of ninjas? What is the collective noun for ninjas? A dojo of ninjas, I guess… Lucy the Literate, will you not please enlighten me? What is the collective noun for ninjas?”
“I don’t know, Andrew!
This is the first time ever
That I have not known!” And Lucy the Literate began to cry.
“Ooh! Ooh! Ask me!” said Sian the half human, half robot. “Maybe it is a kick of ninjas? Or a shadow of ninjas. Ooh, or a, oh, hello… there are ninjas here.” Sian the half human, half robot said, because one second, the ninjas had been far off in the distance, barely visible from where the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! had been eating apples, and the next second, the ninjas were all up in their face. All up in their ’hood. Yeah, I told you I was gangsta. The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! should have popped a cap in their ass, or um, something. Except the ninjas were there to tell them that they, the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were actually all up in their - the ninjas’ - hood. And something about that was going to have to change.
So the clan of ninjas challenged the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! to a BATTLE!!! INTERPRETIVE DANCE, AT DAWN!!!
The wind of ninjas were not only annoyed that the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were hanging out on their turf, dropping apple cores everywhere, but also that they were calling them ‘ninjas’. Apparently, according to Mr. Reuben Larm, whose judgement I would trust on such a matter, it is ‘ninja’, regardless of whether it is one ninja, or fifty trillion, six and a half billion, nine million, eight hundred eighteen thousand, six hundred and twenty three point seven three ninja. So, too rightly, the gaggle of ninja were pretty pissed off at the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! And would probably be even more pissed off if they knew that they had just been referred to in narrative as a “gaggle” of ninja. OH WAIT, THEY ARE NINJA, AND KNOW ALL. OH, CRAP, I HAD BETTER WATCH OUT. But then again, I have not walked away from twelve years of karate with nothing. I am fully ninja. I could beat them in a battle of interpretive dance to the death. If I wanted to… (Also, I promise I have not walked away. I will be back next Tuesday, I swear.) Um, anyway, I digress. This is not a novel about me (yet. Keep your eyes peeled!), but instead a novel about the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! and at the current moment in time, a group of ninja. Who were, incidentally, actually called the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction.
The reasons that the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction set the interpretive dance-off for dawn were two-fold. One, they wanted the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! to stew on the thought of the impending battle of interpretive dance moves. Two, they were a dramatic bunch, the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction, and liked the sound of ANYTHING at dawn.
So the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! sat around just a little way off of the path in the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy, and waited nervously for dawn.
Lucy the Literate was so nervous that she could not even form meaningful haikus. (Mr. Reuben Larm, who advised me earlier, said that it is not only ‘ninja’, but all Japanese words that are both singular and plural. Does this mean that ‘haiku’ is also plural? Have I been getting it wrong this entire story? Clarification, please.)
“Um, um, um, um, um,
Um, um, um, um, um, um, um,
Um, um, um, um, um,” she repeated through the night. Dancing was not her strong point.
Andrew the Apple Eater was so nervous that he could not even eat apples. His stomach was churning, and he felt a little like he was going to be sick.
Eleanor the Electric was so nervous that she kept on giving the rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! electric shocks, by accident.
Sian the half human, half robot was so nervous that she just shut down. Went into “hibernate” mode.
Clearly, the plan of the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction was working well.
Working well on all, except for one. India was the personification of calm. “Guys. Chillax. I have got it covered. We are so going to win this battle to the death of interpretive dance. You have me on your team. Twelve time winner of the Annual Castlemaine Interpretive Dance Contest. They do not call me ‘Interpretive Dancer India’ for nothing.” Turns out that her Super Sweet Mad Skillz not only included being a champ at Twister, but also being the best interpretive dancer in all of Castlemaine (what an honour!!!). But no one else in the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! had ever heard anyone call India ‘Interpretive Dancer India’ ever, in the history of ever. So they were going to have to take her word on that one.
The rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were so nervous that they could not sleep - except for Sian, who had gone into ‘hibernate’ mode. But she was dreaming binary nightmares, and it did not really count. - save for India, who was calm as something that is really, really calm, and needed to sleep to save up her energy for her big dance, the following dawn.
Dawn arrived at the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction returned.
The rules were set. Each group, the Clan and the Pentagon, were to choose one dancer each to represent their own. Those two would then have to dance interpretively, until one backed down. If the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! won, they would be allowed to stay in the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy, taking their time to find their way out, and to the other side, to attempt to defeat Scott the evil robot. If the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction won, the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! would be kicked out of the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy… on the side they had begun on ... on the side on which they had begun. They would not advantage from being expelled from the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy in this manner.
Naturally, the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! chose India to be their representative. Well, they did not exactly choose her, so much, as she leaped forward, while the rest of them just looked kind of sick.
The Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction chose a ninja named Nick to be their representative. Mostly because he was the only one who they could distinguish from the others - including their own selves - because Nick, unlike every other ninja in the history of ninjas - ninja. Sorry, Reuben. - had a beard. It was a lustrous beard, and it was said that by plucking even one stand of hair from the beard of Nick the ninja, one would have eternal health and wealth. But no one had managed to get close enough to Nick the ninja’s beard to even try.
And the interpretive dance-off commenced. The dance moves of both India (Interpretive Dancer India?) and Nick the Ninja were touching, and had this particular interpretive dance not been interpreting the death of each other’s rival, it would have been a beautiful sight to see. Like, you might even go pay to see it, that is how beautiful it was.
In fact, the beauty of the interpretive dancing was so immense, it can barely be described in words. Also because I do not really know how to describe interpretive dance, and I do not think that “there was much waving of their arms and legs” would accurately portray to you the beauty of the dances that Interpretive Dancer India and Nick the Ninja were dancing. So I will just allow you to imagine it yourself.
But that seems like an awful waste of potential word count… hmm… and I really would like to boost the word count a little. Do not worry your pretty little head, reader, we will not be breaking into a rendition of “Ninety Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall”, although I am certain that with a chorus of voices as angelic as your own, it would be simply breath taking. And even though that is an easy two and a half thousand words, right there. And that is only from ninety nine to zero! Imagine if we had started at a higher number! But no. We are not that desperate for words this year. We will not stoop that low. We have a standard this time (and also no threat of having to dance in the middle of Fed Square, to no music, in wizard robes this time).
I have noticed twice, in the past few days, that Pepsi, when you have the taste of mint in your mouth, tastes kind of like ginger beer. Go on, try it.
I have very temperamental speakers. They like to change the volume of the music, without consulting me, first. I really wish they would not. And also, if I move the cable, the sound drops out of one of the speakers. Does that mean that I probably should use these speakers no longer, for fear of electrocution? Perhaps I should ask Eleanor the Electric.
I have a portable air conditioner in my bedroom. It looks a little like a robot. OH! SPEAKING OF ROBOTS! We have not checked in on Scott the evil robot in a while. I wonder if he is still being so stubborn about how he is planning on achieving World Domination, and becoming the All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets Which He May Come to Take Power Of. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power.
(Also, while scrolling up to find Scott the evil robot’s full title, I realised that I had written a song. And that this was going to be a musical. Bear this in mind as we now see Scott the evil robot.)
“One, one, one, one,” sang Scott the evil robot.
“Zero, zero, zero, one.
One, one, zero, one,
Zero, zero, zerooo…
“One, one, one, one,
Zero, one, zero, zero,
One, zero, zero, zero,
Zero, zero, zerooo…
“One, one, one, one,
One, zero, zero, one,
Zero, one, one, zero,
Zero, zero, zerooo…
“One, one, one, one,
Zero, one, zero, one,
Zero, one, zero, one,
Zero, zero, zerooo…”
This beautiful binary ballad (eh? Eh?) described in detail (my goodness, it just keeps going!) (and I may or may not have just forgotten that ‘b’ and ‘d’ are not actually the same letter. Lucy the Literate would be ashamed.) (let’s just say that I KNEW that they were two different instances of alliteration. Yes? Yes.) Anyway. Where were we? (Eh? Okay. Enough pointing out alliteration in this paragraph. In fact, I think we should leave this paragraph be, and try again.
Scott the evil robot’s song described perfectly his plan to take over world, achieve World Domination and become the All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets Which He May Come to Take Power Of. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power (hello, Department of Redundancy Department speaking, how may I direct your call?). The third verse described how he was going to have his revenge on the Murray cod of the world. It was my favourite of the verses. It spoke to me.
Anyway, I would tell you all about Scott the evil robot’s detailed plan for World Domination, but it kind of ruin the story for you.
No, I do not care if you think the story was ruined from the moment it started, I am still not going to tell you what he said.
Yes, I know what he said! I am the author! No I am not just pretending to know what he said to hide the fact that I actually have no idea how Scott the evil robot is going to take World Domination. I honestly want you to be surprised!
Yes, I am sure that I know how it is going to end! Now quickly, before you figure out that I am lying, let’s go back to the interpretive dancing, in the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy. Quickly, now.
And, through the magic of literature, we arrive back in the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy JUST as India won the interpretive dance off. Congratulations! Who would have thought? Who would have thought, indeed.
India was sweating, and puffing slightly - you would be too, if you had just beat Nick the Ninja in a battle of the interpretive dance skillz - and this prevented the rest of NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! from rushing in and hugging her, for saving them with the powers of interpretive dance. They would, though, maybe later.
Nick the Ninja was so shocked and impressed that someone was able to beat him in a battle of interpretive dance that he allowed India to pluck a whisker from his beard, ensuring her eternal health and wealth; a good thing for any person embarking on an epic journey to defeat their ex best friend’s strive for power to have. It is coming close to Christmas; keep that one in mind for the hard to buy for person in your family!
India and the rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! journeyed along the path of the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy for several more hours before stopping to take a dinner break. Andrew the Apple Eater once again shared his plentiful supply of apples, because Sian the half human, half robot had offered to go searching for food for them all, and they were not too keen on that idea.
So India, Lucy the Literate, Andrew the Apple Eater, Eleanor the Electric and Sian the half human, half robot sat a little off of the path (they were not quite as insane as the two old ladies, Kathereen and Laurarara, so as to sit in the middle of a path) and ate their apples.
“I wonder if more
crazy and just plain weird tasks
will come up for us?” Lucy the Literate wondered aloud. Speaking in haiku really limited what Lucy the Literate could say. Sometimes, though, there were just too many syllables, and she would have to think more carefully about what she wanted to say.
If Bianca the Bi-Lingual were still alive, she would have made an interesting comment on the French way of saying “to wonder”, and how they say, “to ask oneself” instead. She had discovered this by reading Harry Potter, in French. But Bianca the Bi-Lingual was dead. And so she did not say that.
Anyway. The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! did not know about that little aside I put in there about French wondering, and so Sian the half human, half robot said, “I sure hope not. I’m not too crazy about crazy and just plain weird tasks.
“Mm, me too,” Andrew the Apple Eater said. “But here come a group of ninjas, so I do not think that we are going to be able to avoid another crazy and just plain task. Are they a “group” of ninjas? What is the collective noun for ninjas? A dojo of ninjas, I guess… Lucy the Literate, will you not please enlighten me? What is the collective noun for ninjas?”
“I don’t know, Andrew!
This is the first time ever
That I have not known!” And Lucy the Literate began to cry.
“Ooh! Ooh! Ask me!” said Sian the half human, half robot. “Maybe it is a kick of ninjas? Or a shadow of ninjas. Ooh, or a, oh, hello… there are ninjas here.” Sian the half human, half robot said, because one second, the ninjas had been far off in the distance, barely visible from where the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! had been eating apples, and the next second, the ninjas were all up in their face. All up in their ’hood. Yeah, I told you I was gangsta. The NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! should have popped a cap in their ass, or um, something. Except the ninjas were there to tell them that they, the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were actually all up in their - the ninjas’ - hood. And something about that was going to have to change.
So the clan of ninjas challenged the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! to a BATTLE!!! INTERPRETIVE DANCE, AT DAWN!!!
The wind of ninjas were not only annoyed that the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were hanging out on their turf, dropping apple cores everywhere, but also that they were calling them ‘ninjas’. Apparently, according to Mr. Reuben Larm, whose judgement I would trust on such a matter, it is ‘ninja’, regardless of whether it is one ninja, or fifty trillion, six and a half billion, nine million, eight hundred eighteen thousand, six hundred and twenty three point seven three ninja. So, too rightly, the gaggle of ninja were pretty pissed off at the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! And would probably be even more pissed off if they knew that they had just been referred to in narrative as a “gaggle” of ninja. OH WAIT, THEY ARE NINJA, AND KNOW ALL. OH, CRAP, I HAD BETTER WATCH OUT. But then again, I have not walked away from twelve years of karate with nothing. I am fully ninja. I could beat them in a battle of interpretive dance to the death. If I wanted to… (Also, I promise I have not walked away. I will be back next Tuesday, I swear.) Um, anyway, I digress. This is not a novel about me (yet. Keep your eyes peeled!), but instead a novel about the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! and at the current moment in time, a group of ninja. Who were, incidentally, actually called the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction.
The reasons that the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction set the interpretive dance-off for dawn were two-fold. One, they wanted the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! to stew on the thought of the impending battle of interpretive dance moves. Two, they were a dramatic bunch, the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction, and liked the sound of ANYTHING at dawn.
So the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! sat around just a little way off of the path in the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy, and waited nervously for dawn.
Lucy the Literate was so nervous that she could not even form meaningful haikus. (Mr. Reuben Larm, who advised me earlier, said that it is not only ‘ninja’, but all Japanese words that are both singular and plural. Does this mean that ‘haiku’ is also plural? Have I been getting it wrong this entire story? Clarification, please.)
“Um, um, um, um, um,
Um, um, um, um, um, um, um,
Um, um, um, um, um,” she repeated through the night. Dancing was not her strong point.
Andrew the Apple Eater was so nervous that he could not even eat apples. His stomach was churning, and he felt a little like he was going to be sick.
Eleanor the Electric was so nervous that she kept on giving the rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! electric shocks, by accident.
Sian the half human, half robot was so nervous that she just shut down. Went into “hibernate” mode.
Clearly, the plan of the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction was working well.
Working well on all, except for one. India was the personification of calm. “Guys. Chillax. I have got it covered. We are so going to win this battle to the death of interpretive dance. You have me on your team. Twelve time winner of the Annual Castlemaine Interpretive Dance Contest. They do not call me ‘Interpretive Dancer India’ for nothing.” Turns out that her Super Sweet Mad Skillz not only included being a champ at Twister, but also being the best interpretive dancer in all of Castlemaine (what an honour!!!). But no one else in the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! had ever heard anyone call India ‘Interpretive Dancer India’ ever, in the history of ever. So they were going to have to take her word on that one.
The rest of the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! were so nervous that they could not sleep - except for Sian, who had gone into ‘hibernate’ mode. But she was dreaming binary nightmares, and it did not really count. - save for India, who was calm as something that is really, really calm, and needed to sleep to save up her energy for her big dance, the following dawn.
Dawn arrived at the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction returned.
The rules were set. Each group, the Clan and the Pentagon, were to choose one dancer each to represent their own. Those two would then have to dance interpretively, until one backed down. If the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! won, they would be allowed to stay in the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy, taking their time to find their way out, and to the other side, to attempt to defeat Scott the evil robot. If the Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction won, the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! would be kicked out of the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy… on the side they had begun on ... on the side on which they had begun. They would not advantage from being expelled from the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy in this manner.
Naturally, the NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! chose India to be their representative. Well, they did not exactly choose her, so much, as she leaped forward, while the rest of them just looked kind of sick.
The Ninja Clan of a Thousand Burning Suns, Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy Faction chose a ninja named Nick to be their representative. Mostly because he was the only one who they could distinguish from the others - including their own selves - because Nick, unlike every other ninja in the history of ninjas - ninja. Sorry, Reuben. - had a beard. It was a lustrous beard, and it was said that by plucking even one stand of hair from the beard of Nick the ninja, one would have eternal health and wealth. But no one had managed to get close enough to Nick the ninja’s beard to even try.
And the interpretive dance-off commenced. The dance moves of both India (Interpretive Dancer India?) and Nick the Ninja were touching, and had this particular interpretive dance not been interpreting the death of each other’s rival, it would have been a beautiful sight to see. Like, you might even go pay to see it, that is how beautiful it was.
In fact, the beauty of the interpretive dancing was so immense, it can barely be described in words. Also because I do not really know how to describe interpretive dance, and I do not think that “there was much waving of their arms and legs” would accurately portray to you the beauty of the dances that Interpretive Dancer India and Nick the Ninja were dancing. So I will just allow you to imagine it yourself.
But that seems like an awful waste of potential word count… hmm… and I really would like to boost the word count a little. Do not worry your pretty little head, reader, we will not be breaking into a rendition of “Ninety Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall”, although I am certain that with a chorus of voices as angelic as your own, it would be simply breath taking. And even though that is an easy two and a half thousand words, right there. And that is only from ninety nine to zero! Imagine if we had started at a higher number! But no. We are not that desperate for words this year. We will not stoop that low. We have a standard this time (and also no threat of having to dance in the middle of Fed Square, to no music, in wizard robes this time).
I have noticed twice, in the past few days, that Pepsi, when you have the taste of mint in your mouth, tastes kind of like ginger beer. Go on, try it.
I have very temperamental speakers. They like to change the volume of the music, without consulting me, first. I really wish they would not. And also, if I move the cable, the sound drops out of one of the speakers. Does that mean that I probably should use these speakers no longer, for fear of electrocution? Perhaps I should ask Eleanor the Electric.
I have a portable air conditioner in my bedroom. It looks a little like a robot. OH! SPEAKING OF ROBOTS! We have not checked in on Scott the evil robot in a while. I wonder if he is still being so stubborn about how he is planning on achieving World Domination, and becoming the All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets Which He May Come to Take Power Of. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power.
(Also, while scrolling up to find Scott the evil robot’s full title, I realised that I had written a song. And that this was going to be a musical. Bear this in mind as we now see Scott the evil robot.)
“One, one, one, one,” sang Scott the evil robot.
“Zero, zero, zero, one.
One, one, zero, one,
Zero, zero, zerooo…
“One, one, one, one,
Zero, one, zero, zero,
One, zero, zero, zero,
Zero, zero, zerooo…
“One, one, one, one,
One, zero, zero, one,
Zero, one, one, zero,
Zero, zero, zerooo…
“One, one, one, one,
Zero, one, zero, one,
Zero, one, zero, one,
Zero, zero, zerooo…”
This beautiful binary ballad (eh? Eh?) described in detail (my goodness, it just keeps going!) (and I may or may not have just forgotten that ‘b’ and ‘d’ are not actually the same letter. Lucy the Literate would be ashamed.) (let’s just say that I KNEW that they were two different instances of alliteration. Yes? Yes.) Anyway. Where were we? (Eh? Okay. Enough pointing out alliteration in this paragraph. In fact, I think we should leave this paragraph be, and try again.
Scott the evil robot’s song described perfectly his plan to take over world, achieve World Domination and become the All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets Which He May Come to Take Power Of. All Powerful Overlord of the Planet Earth, and Any Other Planets of Which he May Come to Take Power (hello, Department of Redundancy Department speaking, how may I direct your call?). The third verse described how he was going to have his revenge on the Murray cod of the world. It was my favourite of the verses. It spoke to me.
Anyway, I would tell you all about Scott the evil robot’s detailed plan for World Domination, but it kind of ruin the story for you.
No, I do not care if you think the story was ruined from the moment it started, I am still not going to tell you what he said.
Yes, I know what he said! I am the author! No I am not just pretending to know what he said to hide the fact that I actually have no idea how Scott the evil robot is going to take World Domination. I honestly want you to be surprised!
Yes, I am sure that I know how it is going to end! Now quickly, before you figure out that I am lying, let’s go back to the interpretive dancing, in the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy. Quickly, now.
And, through the magic of literature, we arrive back in the Harmless and Light Forest of Kindness and Joy JUST as India won the interpretive dance off. Congratulations! Who would have thought? Who would have thought, indeed.
India was sweating, and puffing slightly - you would be too, if you had just beat Nick the Ninja in a battle of the interpretive dance skillz - and this prevented the rest of NEW AND IMPROVED PENTAGON OF POWER, MUHAHAHA!!! from rushing in and hugging her, for saving them with the powers of interpretive dance. They would, though, maybe later.
Nick the Ninja was so shocked and impressed that someone was able to beat him in a battle of interpretive dance that he allowed India to pluck a whisker from his beard, ensuring her eternal health and wealth; a good thing for any person embarking on an epic journey to defeat their ex best friend’s strive for power to have. It is coming close to Christmas; keep that one in mind for the hard to buy for person in your family!