(no subject)
I have really been having a bad time here in New York with my family, and friends and I can't take it anymore, my mother and I's relationship TOTALLY deteriated (sp?) so I made a decision and I am stickin with it..
in February I am leaving, I am packing my clothes and whatever I have here and I am flying down to Florida with Joe, hes gonna help me find a job and what not..I am more depressed here than I was in Texas, I find myself in tears almost every night, my day is spent yelling, hitting, and putting Jordan in time-out or crying myself to sleep cuz I cant stand my mother and the things she says to me, I love her but we cant live together anymore..I told her I was leaving and she said "you buying a one way ticket" with this look of "you better be" and she has been lookin up prices like she doesnt even care..cuz I know she doesnt..Joey tells me he hates me, and I get yelled at for it like I egged him on but I didn't..I feel like crying now because I am at my aunts and my mom called her and basically bragged to her about her day spent with my brother, my own fuckin brother doesnt even like me..how do you think this makes me feel?? I come back here and find out half of my friends basically dont even like me, I have my real good friend stab me in the back and go out with the guy I liked and fucked during the last 4 or 5 mos I was here..my best friend of 8 yrs Jessica dont even like me anymore but thats a REALLY LONG STORY and I dont think I really had any big part in doing it..I went to go see my dads family and got screamed at by my grandmother..so that put me back everything just seems to be depressing me even more here than in Texas..I have to leave I have to..if I dont I could wind up doing something so totally irrational..there is no pt in talking to my mother about anything cuz she always turns it into "if you dont like the way I treat you...leave" so thats what I am doing I can guarentee..she wont visit me, call me, or miss me..and if she does miss me, she will only miss the fact she made me watch Joey all the time..I cant take it anymore..
the next time you read my lj, I'll be in Florida! hopefully happy this time..
in February I am leaving, I am packing my clothes and whatever I have here and I am flying down to Florida with Joe, hes gonna help me find a job and what not..I am more depressed here than I was in Texas, I find myself in tears almost every night, my day is spent yelling, hitting, and putting Jordan in time-out or crying myself to sleep cuz I cant stand my mother and the things she says to me, I love her but we cant live together anymore..I told her I was leaving and she said "you buying a one way ticket" with this look of "you better be" and she has been lookin up prices like she doesnt even care..cuz I know she doesnt..Joey tells me he hates me, and I get yelled at for it like I egged him on but I didn't..I feel like crying now because I am at my aunts and my mom called her and basically bragged to her about her day spent with my brother, my own fuckin brother doesnt even like me..how do you think this makes me feel?? I come back here and find out half of my friends basically dont even like me, I have my real good friend stab me in the back and go out with the guy I liked and fucked during the last 4 or 5 mos I was here..my best friend of 8 yrs Jessica dont even like me anymore but thats a REALLY LONG STORY and I dont think I really had any big part in doing it..I went to go see my dads family and got screamed at by my grandmother..so that put me back everything just seems to be depressing me even more here than in Texas..I have to leave I have to..if I dont I could wind up doing something so totally irrational..there is no pt in talking to my mother about anything cuz she always turns it into "if you dont like the way I treat you...leave" so thats what I am doing I can guarentee..she wont visit me, call me, or miss me..and if she does miss me, she will only miss the fact she made me watch Joey all the time..I cant take it anymore..
the next time you read my lj, I'll be in Florida! hopefully happy this time..