Freakin' Out A Little
FUCK I HATE FINALS.
So, I think I mentioned before that I suffer from SAD? Well, in addition to that, I have an anxiety disorder.
Usually, I'm pretty good at keeping it in check. When I start freaking out about something, as long as I can distract myself with something happy and mindless (cartoons, a romance novel, manga) I can avoid a full on panic attack. This past year, however, has been really hard on me. In December I was having panic attacks virtually every other day.
If you've never had a panic attack before, count yourself lucky. It's the worst feeling in the world. When you have a panic attack, your get this burning feeling in your chest, everything is really tight, and you can't really breathe. It's absolutely awful. Now imagine three of those a week and you'll have an idea of what Winter Finals was like for me.
When finals season comes around, I find myself with a nice little cocktail of anexity, OCD and exaustion. The two weeks before finals, and then the actual week of finals itself, are some of the hardest things for me to endure.
It's tough shit.
This semester, though, I'm trying something kind of different. I've started studying about a week earlier than I usually do, and I have a nice little stash of Lexipro. Hopefully that'll make things a little easier.
If you're wondering why finals make me freak out this hard, it's actually pretty simple. I 'm obsessive-compulsive when it comes to grades. There's no real reason behind it, but when you have OCD there usually isn't. I feel like I have to have near perfect grades, and when I inevitably don't get straight As, I obsess and have panic attacks. When you introduce a high-stress situation like finals into the picture, I kind of lose it. Finals are the last chance to bring up my grades, so of course I obsess. Finals also involve a lot of studying, so I'm exhausted. And on top of that, I sometimes get so wound up that I get panic attacks during my finals.
Exhibit A: My winter Spanish final. Spanish has to be my worst class. I studied for hours upon hours for the test, and when I got in there and sat down, everything on the paper looked like Greek. About 20 minutes in, I started getting dizzy, so I made some excuse about being sick and then sat in the school office hyperventilating for the next hour. My teacher gave me a chance to retake the test after Winter Break, but ultimately I ended up failing it.
Not fun.
But anyways, the Lexapro I took for the panic attack that I had earlier is kicking in, and everything is a littler woozy, so I'm going to go watch Toradora.
(Toradora, by the way, is the single cutest show ever.)
So, I think I mentioned before that I suffer from SAD? Well, in addition to that, I have an anxiety disorder.
Usually, I'm pretty good at keeping it in check. When I start freaking out about something, as long as I can distract myself with something happy and mindless (cartoons, a romance novel, manga) I can avoid a full on panic attack. This past year, however, has been really hard on me. In December I was having panic attacks virtually every other day.
If you've never had a panic attack before, count yourself lucky. It's the worst feeling in the world. When you have a panic attack, your get this burning feeling in your chest, everything is really tight, and you can't really breathe. It's absolutely awful. Now imagine three of those a week and you'll have an idea of what Winter Finals was like for me.
When finals season comes around, I find myself with a nice little cocktail of anexity, OCD and exaustion. The two weeks before finals, and then the actual week of finals itself, are some of the hardest things for me to endure.
It's tough shit.
This semester, though, I'm trying something kind of different. I've started studying about a week earlier than I usually do, and I have a nice little stash of Lexipro. Hopefully that'll make things a little easier.
If you're wondering why finals make me freak out this hard, it's actually pretty simple. I 'm obsessive-compulsive when it comes to grades. There's no real reason behind it, but when you have OCD there usually isn't. I feel like I have to have near perfect grades, and when I inevitably don't get straight As, I obsess and have panic attacks. When you introduce a high-stress situation like finals into the picture, I kind of lose it. Finals are the last chance to bring up my grades, so of course I obsess. Finals also involve a lot of studying, so I'm exhausted. And on top of that, I sometimes get so wound up that I get panic attacks during my finals.
Exhibit A: My winter Spanish final. Spanish has to be my worst class. I studied for hours upon hours for the test, and when I got in there and sat down, everything on the paper looked like Greek. About 20 minutes in, I started getting dizzy, so I made some excuse about being sick and then sat in the school office hyperventilating for the next hour. My teacher gave me a chance to retake the test after Winter Break, but ultimately I ended up failing it.
Not fun.
But anyways, the Lexapro I took for the panic attack that I had earlier is kicking in, and everything is a littler woozy, so I'm going to go watch Toradora.
(Toradora, by the way, is the single cutest show ever.)