(no subject)
okay, so i`ve totally lost respect for [name not provided to protect the idiotic]. you know ...if you`ve ever been told that you can`t be trusted ...that hurts your feelings ...right?? well ..to realize that you can`t trust someone ...hurts pretty bad too, especially if you`re close to that person. i wasn`t the only one he hurt. there were others. and i can only pray that no one else has to suffer through that ...and pray for those who did. the thing is ...friends just.don`t.do.that. to other friends. i`m angrier than i`ve ever been, at anyone ...but maybe even more intense than my anger is my disappointment. and i`m so stupid for falling for it ...you`d think that i would have seen it coming. i gave him the benefit of the doubt. i defended him when no one else would. and for what...? i turned out to be the fool. even worse, i still love him. because i can`t hate him ...i can`t hate anyone, although it would make this significantly easier. and yet i can`t get revenge ...i briefly --briefly-- considered the eye-for-an-eye apporach ...and then my best friend [i thank God for her, seriously !!] turned to me and said, "faustina ...no. that`s not you. as much as you want to do that, i seriously think it would be physically impossible. and you know that you could never be that coldhearted." and then i realized that she was right. i don`t want to stoop down to his level, anyway. it just hurts, knowing you can`t respect or trust one of your best friends.
m e a n w h i l e . . .
there is someone new ...well, actually, no. the first time i met him was this year. and my first impression was that he was a total jerk, so i didn`t really talk to him at all for the first half of the semester. then this month i started hanging out with him and talking to him, and i realized i was so wrong. he looks mean & serious ...but i know enough to know that he`s not at all what he appears to be. i guess it taught me a lesson that you really can`t judge a book by its cover. he`s sweet ...nice, funny, too ...seriously, i`m always laughing at him. oops ...i meant with him ...?? but there`s still so much that i don`t know about him, and that goes both ways. the thing is ...the one class we have together, i`m dropping ...today was actually my last day. so ...i finally start seeing someone in a different light, right when my time is up. i guess this means if i want to see him, i`ll have to go out of my way. but i guess this is a good thing. =]
so that`s basically my life right now. how about yours?