(no subject)
To say the least I am embarrassed that I write in here from time to time is an understatement. Not so much the fact that I do write in here, but what I am writing in here..
So this is really just another whiny girl posting I guess. But to me it feels different and it should because it is me hurting, not some other girl. The fact of the matter is I have no idea what I have done to deserve such bad karma.
One of my girlfriends called yesterday and told me Jordan is seeing someone else. Needless to say it hurt worse than I could imagine. A different hurt than it was with Alan..when Alan and I broke up I knew. I always knew he was with other girls and I was never in love with him and I knew I never would be. I loved him but it was different.
But Jordan, Jordan is different. I love Jordan with all of my heart which is actually quite silly, but true. When I look at him I see a million different things at once, I see my future, I see my caretaker, I see someone who loves Jesus, I see someone who works hard, I see someone who stands up for what he believes in, I see someone who can make me laugh, I see someone who when he holds me I still get butterflies and I see someone who makes me want to be a better person. All of that may or may not sound childish, but the truth is the truth.
I guess what hurts the most is that I am that girl, the girl I have never wanted to be, the girl I knew I would be. The girl that waits around because "he's not ready" and then he meets another girl and is suddenly "ready". And forgets about the girl that has been waiting around for him for so long that she can't even remember when she was ever without him..
So this is really just another whiny girl posting I guess. But to me it feels different and it should because it is me hurting, not some other girl. The fact of the matter is I have no idea what I have done to deserve such bad karma.
One of my girlfriends called yesterday and told me Jordan is seeing someone else. Needless to say it hurt worse than I could imagine. A different hurt than it was with Alan..when Alan and I broke up I knew. I always knew he was with other girls and I was never in love with him and I knew I never would be. I loved him but it was different.
But Jordan, Jordan is different. I love Jordan with all of my heart which is actually quite silly, but true. When I look at him I see a million different things at once, I see my future, I see my caretaker, I see someone who loves Jesus, I see someone who works hard, I see someone who stands up for what he believes in, I see someone who can make me laugh, I see someone who when he holds me I still get butterflies and I see someone who makes me want to be a better person. All of that may or may not sound childish, but the truth is the truth.
I guess what hurts the most is that I am that girl, the girl I have never wanted to be, the girl I knew I would be. The girl that waits around because "he's not ready" and then he meets another girl and is suddenly "ready". And forgets about the girl that has been waiting around for him for so long that she can't even remember when she was ever without him..