(no subject)
So I sincerely hope that I have grown up quite a bit since the last time that I have written in this thing. I am pretty positive that I now know what I would like to do with my life. My life is not dependent on Kelsey Norkett nor a cheerleading squad nor do I worry about my public speaking abilities, just to name a few things. I feel like I have grown up in some ways& in some ways stayed the same. I have loved& lost, but I think in the end gained more than I thought I ever would or could. Um, I really don't know what to write in this as of this point. I started writing in my xanga not too long ago. But I was never really into that as much as I was ever into livejournal, before myspace or facebook, ha ha, which consumes the world as of today.
So other than this I am borderline in love with this awfully beautiful boy. &since I am in this current condition with him, he in turn would like to play with my brain. Even though at first I was naive as usual, thank you Casey Amelia& believed he was not capable of such. I now know what he is doing. Well not exactly. I just know he is frustrating. &I hate not getting what I want. I think that is what I hate most of all. Other than the fact that he is the first boy I have ever met that I do not feel like I would be "settling" for if I ended up with.
Brad brought Heath being Grace's "Kyle". At first I was rather hostile towards the idea. But then I started doing that thinking thing I do when I think ;) anyways& I decided he was sort of right. Kyle was ultimately my first love. I would have done anything for him. Even when Alan& I were on a break..I should have not gotten back with him& kept pursuing things with Kyle. But I was too stubborn. The only reason I even went on that first date with Alan is because I was praying Kyle would hear. &that was so selfish, sometimes I wonder if that's why everything ended up so horrible with the two of us. Because I had all the wrong reasons. &as much as I loved him, I was never in love with him. Not like head over heels, butterflies, like Kyle. &it's so silly, because Kyle& I were just friends, best friends..but for a while he was mine. Even when he wasn't. Girls he dated hated me, they knew who I was. I ultimately thought we would end up together& that hasn't happened so far. I just thought he would grow up like I did. &so far I have been disappointed, he has had a serious girlfriend almost a year& it's not me. UGH, no more of this, I am so much of a sleepyhead it is unreal. More later?
So other than this I am borderline in love with this awfully beautiful boy. &since I am in this current condition with him, he in turn would like to play with my brain. Even though at first I was naive as usual, thank you Casey Amelia& believed he was not capable of such. I now know what he is doing. Well not exactly. I just know he is frustrating. &I hate not getting what I want. I think that is what I hate most of all. Other than the fact that he is the first boy I have ever met that I do not feel like I would be "settling" for if I ended up with.
Brad brought Heath being Grace's "Kyle". At first I was rather hostile towards the idea. But then I started doing that thinking thing I do when I think ;) anyways& I decided he was sort of right. Kyle was ultimately my first love. I would have done anything for him. Even when Alan& I were on a break..I should have not gotten back with him& kept pursuing things with Kyle. But I was too stubborn. The only reason I even went on that first date with Alan is because I was praying Kyle would hear. &that was so selfish, sometimes I wonder if that's why everything ended up so horrible with the two of us. Because I had all the wrong reasons. &as much as I loved him, I was never in love with him. Not like head over heels, butterflies, like Kyle. &it's so silly, because Kyle& I were just friends, best friends..but for a while he was mine. Even when he wasn't. Girls he dated hated me, they knew who I was. I ultimately thought we would end up together& that hasn't happened so far. I just thought he would grow up like I did. &so far I have been disappointed, he has had a serious girlfriend almost a year& it's not me. UGH, no more of this, I am so much of a sleepyhead it is unreal. More later?