should I really trust?
I think the worst thing to do when you need to expel is to hunt for things to take in. I'm talking strictly social media and online activity here, and as petty as it sounds, it really does make a difference, because when you want to talk and you can't (or you could but it's not the right time), or when you're by yourself which leaves you with yourself which is arguably just as bad as not being able to talk (although introspection is valuable at times), the distractions are far too tempting and you find yourself perusing Tumblr and the New York Times and making conversation with people you don't really feel like you could talk to which is just a tease, and you do all of these things that distract you from or postpone your attempts at establishing some personal contact with the outside world, which may or may not help anything at all because who knows if you could expel when you're with them either? I guess, then it's the idea of reading and consuming and building up and adding that just makes everything worse when there's already something sitting on your chest that you can't or don't want to push out there. and then in your head you go through your options and ponder whether you actually do have the opportunity to safely expel some of that energy, and how, and whether it involves people or places or things or activities, and nothing really seems satisfying or those thoughts aren't fruitful and you can't think of anything so you go right back to the distraction because you can't think of anything else more valuable to do, not because all of those things aren't necessarily more valuable, but because it costs too much to decide which would help and which wouldn't, and maybe you don't even really know anyway, but is it worth the guess-and-check? other people can be annoyed, places won't help anything if you're not with people because then you're just with yourself and reachable by those people thanks to the compulsive addiction to functional technology, and the same goes with things, so I guess it's really the question of people or not, and people is clearly a better idea if you're looking for an outlet, but to whom? that's the biggest question, you have to value what you're protecting inside and go through the list of possibilities and figure out whom to talk to, and then it's just a mess and you start to think about whether you should say anything at all, or whether that would constitute using these people for your own benefit, but isn't that friendship sometimes? and it all works out in the end when you stop purging nonsense to a livejournal and get out and function and DO THINGS and that's where I'm headed. good afternoon.