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Sometimes, I really wish that something awful would happen to me.
Like I would get really sick, or hurt. And not something that could be fixed. I'd want to die from it.
Because, just for one moment, I want to be the only thing on Hadden's mind.
For one, split second, I'd want him to be more concerned with me than his band.
And then I'd want to die. And it would be okay.
And if someone is reading this, please don't lecture me on how stupid that is. Don't talk about how I should be happy that I'm okay and that no one should wish for that. Because I do. I wouldn't be typing this if I didn't mean it. For that one moment, I'd pay the ultimate price. And to me, it would be so worth it. I just want him to look at me the way he used to. I want him to miss me. And really appreciate me. I don't think that something dramatic like that will ever happen to me because I wouldn't hurt myself on purpose. It might not happen. But I can hope.