You know what I hate..

[omfg_cunttt]

When people talk about rape...yeah.. the way they talk about it. They act like they know what it's like. What it means to have someone in you when you don't want them there. No you fucking don't know what it's like unless you personally went throught it yourself. No not your friend or sister or your mom or girlfriend and so on. YOU. Just because you know someone who went through it doesn't mean shit to me. You don't know what it does. IT DESTORYS EVERYTHING YOU ARE. It effects everyone around you. You have to start over. Every guy that was your friend, your relationship has to start over again. Because some guy raped you. And how do you know if your guy friends arent like him?!? And another thing... all your future relationships are fucked up cos of that one guy. Being raped, it changes alot about you. You lose trust, self-esteem and a lot more. You become quiet. It takes a while to bounce back. If you ever do. You resort to doing things to make you feel again. Like cutting. Look at my left wrist someday. I'm not proud of it. But I did it. And I learned from it. I've stopped. And you prob will never see the marks cos I wear bracelets to cover them up. So don't ask to see them. And don't worry about me. I've stopped for good. Sure, I have urges but I ignore them.
And maybe rape isn't as bad as it was for me as others. But I was raped not even 2 months after I lost 3 friends to carbon monoxide posioning. So it was 10 x harder. And the fact that my mom thought for almost a year I let this happen that I wanted it. And no I didn't say no. I was too scared too. I didn't mind the kissing he just toke it to far.

ps. I wrote a poem about it on Myspace. i dont feel like logging on to get it.