(no subject)
All we ever seem to do is fight. It hasn’t even been 24 hours. He even said he was questioning us. For the first time, he’s said it. That maybe, he’s just not sure if he wants to be with me. It’s just something that clicks in your head that you know that its gotten really bad when even Steve isn’t sure if we should be together. He’s questioning us. The boy who after 3 months was so in love he wanted to get married. And now, that might never happen. I can’t even tell you how much it breaks my heart to hear him say that; I just want to lie in bed and cry. At what point did it get so bad, as to watch it crumple out from underneath us? I honestly don’t know how much longer we can do this. How much longer I can do this. Its everyday; fights about this, fights about that. How could we ever get married if we can barely get along now? How will it be later on? I think we both know, we just don’t want to admit it, were still in denial; we know were not right for each other. But were so afraid of getting hurt we’d rather be miserable together than be miserable alone. When did we stop being happy and end up like this? I’m so lost, I don’t know what to do. I want to stay with him, I love him. But at the same time, I don’t know if love is enough. We just…clash. I don’t know to leave or stay, if its worth trying to work it out, if we even can work it out.
I think the worst part about realizing hes not the one, is that I have to keep looking. I have to do this all again. I don’t want to do this again. I’m scared. I hate dating, I hate the fact that I have to trust someone enough to not be shallow when they look at me, my body. My disgusting, weird, not normal, WRONG, body. And im even more scared that if I do, I wont find them. That maybe he is it, and I’m just such a shitty person that I screw up the best relationship ive ever been in. I don’t know if theres something wrong with him, or me, or even both of us.
I just want it to go away. I just want to fly to England or somewhere and forget everything. Start over. Pretend like nothing exists, nothing I have to worry about. Forget who I am
I think the worst part about realizing hes not the one, is that I have to keep looking. I have to do this all again. I don’t want to do this again. I’m scared. I hate dating, I hate the fact that I have to trust someone enough to not be shallow when they look at me, my body. My disgusting, weird, not normal, WRONG, body. And im even more scared that if I do, I wont find them. That maybe he is it, and I’m just such a shitty person that I screw up the best relationship ive ever been in. I don’t know if theres something wrong with him, or me, or even both of us.
I just want it to go away. I just want to fly to England or somewhere and forget everything. Start over. Pretend like nothing exists, nothing I have to worry about. Forget who I am