Sadness...
I didn't think I'd be back in this place in a long time... I'm sure you know what im talking about. You know? That place in your mind that you can never see, and don't particularly want to find or walk into, and yet it's right in front of you all the time... You just need the right event, the right piece of news... I've been in a good mood for so long, I'd forgotten what sadness feels like... I suppose I'm the only one to blame to be perfectly honest, and i suppose i deserve it...
I've been caught up in so many other things that I've failed to notice some things very important to me, with the exception of a few... and those things that bear importance are; my friends. All I've done recently is struggle to keep up with things. I've been juggling a lot of work, band business and other musical projects, and seeing my girlfriend Helen, whom i adore and cherish dearly... I also start working full time tomorrow, so there will be even less time to make amends, if i even bother... The population today are ignorant and arrogant and close-minded, so if i try, it may be in vain.
I've fucked up a lot recently, made the wrong decision, made mistakes. I believe as a result of one of these mistakes I've actually lost a friend too, one that i would never want to lose. The thing thats annoying me about this is, my mistake has been turned into a spiral of untruth. This always seems to happen to me... I do something wrong, and when someone finds out from someone else, it gets twisted, so i look like the bad guy... There was another incident which I don't care to explain about, which on my part, was purely stupid, although it was done for a reason... for this mistake i seem to have lost several friends, mainly because either they have trust issues, or because they're too fucking close-minded to listen to reason.
Before I tied the knot with Helen i saw a girl named Rachel for about two weeks, testing the water as it were... I decided that it wasnt going to work, for several reasons, ie, we were too different to each other, she lived far away and other things that could change your mind about starting a relationship. Apparently she got attached quickly, and although she told me she wasnt hurt by my dismissal, I've been told she was devastated... I'm not going to say this is a reason for breaking it off, but in the back of my mind all the way through those couple of weeks was the question, "Yeah, but, what about Gary?"
Long story short, Gary is very protective over her... I didn't tell Gary of our short time together, and nor did she until i broke it off... Thing is, I wanted to tell him from the beginning, but unfortunatly i was so swamped with stuff to do after breaking it off with her that i didnt get the chance. So she did it... I learned a few days ago that what she had told him isnt true at all. I thought he was just angry that I didnt tell him... he's actually under the impression that i had no intention of telling him at all. As a result of this he's made hardly any effort to contact me and straighten things out, depite my wanting to. He's hard headed, I wonder if he'll believe me if i tell him the truth... Rachel didnt want to tell him, not me. How does one get out of trouble created by another's lies?
I have a will of steel, but I'm only human... I can only take so much. I sit here typing this, defeated, wondering what to do, my will and thoughts in disarray... It just occurred to me that writing this was probably a waste of time too, as only a select few will actually read it, if any at all... Thoughts...?
I've been caught up in so many other things that I've failed to notice some things very important to me, with the exception of a few... and those things that bear importance are; my friends. All I've done recently is struggle to keep up with things. I've been juggling a lot of work, band business and other musical projects, and seeing my girlfriend Helen, whom i adore and cherish dearly... I also start working full time tomorrow, so there will be even less time to make amends, if i even bother... The population today are ignorant and arrogant and close-minded, so if i try, it may be in vain.
I've fucked up a lot recently, made the wrong decision, made mistakes. I believe as a result of one of these mistakes I've actually lost a friend too, one that i would never want to lose. The thing thats annoying me about this is, my mistake has been turned into a spiral of untruth. This always seems to happen to me... I do something wrong, and when someone finds out from someone else, it gets twisted, so i look like the bad guy... There was another incident which I don't care to explain about, which on my part, was purely stupid, although it was done for a reason... for this mistake i seem to have lost several friends, mainly because either they have trust issues, or because they're too fucking close-minded to listen to reason.
Before I tied the knot with Helen i saw a girl named Rachel for about two weeks, testing the water as it were... I decided that it wasnt going to work, for several reasons, ie, we were too different to each other, she lived far away and other things that could change your mind about starting a relationship. Apparently she got attached quickly, and although she told me she wasnt hurt by my dismissal, I've been told she was devastated... I'm not going to say this is a reason for breaking it off, but in the back of my mind all the way through those couple of weeks was the question, "Yeah, but, what about Gary?"
Long story short, Gary is very protective over her... I didn't tell Gary of our short time together, and nor did she until i broke it off... Thing is, I wanted to tell him from the beginning, but unfortunatly i was so swamped with stuff to do after breaking it off with her that i didnt get the chance. So she did it... I learned a few days ago that what she had told him isnt true at all. I thought he was just angry that I didnt tell him... he's actually under the impression that i had no intention of telling him at all. As a result of this he's made hardly any effort to contact me and straighten things out, depite my wanting to. He's hard headed, I wonder if he'll believe me if i tell him the truth... Rachel didnt want to tell him, not me. How does one get out of trouble created by another's lies?
I have a will of steel, but I'm only human... I can only take so much. I sit here typing this, defeated, wondering what to do, my will and thoughts in disarray... It just occurred to me that writing this was probably a waste of time too, as only a select few will actually read it, if any at all... Thoughts...?