observers indigestion weekly (self examination no reply needed))
i have..well aside from not being Here...been adrift..emotionaly physicaly and spiritualy.
fears and concerns i never had seem to keep me up at nights granting me the power to feel my heartbeat in my forehead like a precussion instrument beat senseless.
i fear that i am clossing more of the world out and begining to turn in upon myself like an ingrown person..a extrenal cancer..but it's me..i never truly could decide weather i liked LJ or if i just felt compelled to fall to pieces letter by letter infront of my friends..
i don't even realy know what i want to to do i feel unproficient at anything i like doing and hate doing things...i..well...hate doing i know life is hard...but i feel like im tripping myself up constantly..
..like i dislike...ME.. and that a sobering disturbing thought...
God and i don't talk much..but i glare at him every now and then..
i think i'm broken somehow..
deeply uprooted and dashed on a side walk like a
jack-o-lantern a week after halloween..
my humor i used to beleive was a copeing mechanism..but i see that it's made me numb to self improvement and sinceraty..
I tried helping others to make me happy...it kinda worked but mostly i wasn't good enough at beleiving in me to apreciate what i was doing..or acknowledge an real accomplishment i might have made..
...fuck i'm the windows vista of human beings..but only to myself...
what the hell...
fears and concerns i never had seem to keep me up at nights granting me the power to feel my heartbeat in my forehead like a precussion instrument beat senseless.
i fear that i am clossing more of the world out and begining to turn in upon myself like an ingrown person..a extrenal cancer..but it's me..i never truly could decide weather i liked LJ or if i just felt compelled to fall to pieces letter by letter infront of my friends..
i don't even realy know what i want to to do i feel unproficient at anything i like doing and hate doing things...i..well...hate doing i know life is hard...but i feel like im tripping myself up constantly..
..like i dislike...ME.. and that a sobering disturbing thought...
God and i don't talk much..but i glare at him every now and then..
i think i'm broken somehow..
deeply uprooted and dashed on a side walk like a
jack-o-lantern a week after halloween..
my humor i used to beleive was a copeing mechanism..but i see that it's made me numb to self improvement and sinceraty..
I tried helping others to make me happy...it kinda worked but mostly i wasn't good enough at beleiving in me to apreciate what i was doing..or acknowledge an real accomplishment i might have made..
...fuck i'm the windows vista of human beings..but only to myself...
what the hell...