(no subject)
I always thought that what hurt the most was losing a friend. losing someone you cared the world about. now, i'm beginning to realize, the hurt actually comes from realizing that that person you thought was your friend...never even cared to begin with.
you were one of my best friends. you were the one who knew all my fears. i would have given you the world. but after the distance...i began to realize that i was the convenience. i was your friend when you needed a place to stay...or someone to pay for your plane ticket down...or you were sad. i tried to look past the fact that when you came to town and had a job--and were happy...you couldn't even call to tell me you were in town. i couldn't look past it. i thought i had given up hope.
and then last summer you showed up. didn't need me for anything. had no need to have me around. yet you called. and you played with me. and for just a moment--i thought maybe things had changed....that we were friends again.
i let myself believe this so much that when you told me you needed a place to stay for a month...i put all worries aside and said sure, come stay with me. i even got my hopes up a little---that i would have someone around. that we would be okay again. and then you started calling...and texting...and i thought things were exactly like they should be.
"let me hear you say 'hey kid, i miss this.' cause i miss this."
i didn't want to get my hopes up. you told me not to worry.
and then you found some place else. and i was no longer needed. I DON'T GIVE A CRAP WHERE YOU STAY OR WHY OR WHAT YOU DO. but i can't believe you couldn't even call. couldn't even tell me you were in town or what your plan was. you used me again. i wasen't your friend--you never cared. and that breaks my heart most of all.
i let you go a long time ago. so why does it bother me so much now?
i'm done. i'm done with you. with our friendship. with this.
((and for that...i hate you most of all))
"if you ever want to come home from chicago. and leave the things that habit made you love. i'll be there to await your arrival."
*don't expect me to be there anymore.*
you were one of my best friends. you were the one who knew all my fears. i would have given you the world. but after the distance...i began to realize that i was the convenience. i was your friend when you needed a place to stay...or someone to pay for your plane ticket down...or you were sad. i tried to look past the fact that when you came to town and had a job--and were happy...you couldn't even call to tell me you were in town. i couldn't look past it. i thought i had given up hope.
and then last summer you showed up. didn't need me for anything. had no need to have me around. yet you called. and you played with me. and for just a moment--i thought maybe things had changed....that we were friends again.
i let myself believe this so much that when you told me you needed a place to stay for a month...i put all worries aside and said sure, come stay with me. i even got my hopes up a little---that i would have someone around. that we would be okay again. and then you started calling...and texting...and i thought things were exactly like they should be.
"let me hear you say 'hey kid, i miss this.' cause i miss this."
i didn't want to get my hopes up. you told me not to worry.
and then you found some place else. and i was no longer needed. I DON'T GIVE A CRAP WHERE YOU STAY OR WHY OR WHAT YOU DO. but i can't believe you couldn't even call. couldn't even tell me you were in town or what your plan was. you used me again. i wasen't your friend--you never cared. and that breaks my heart most of all.
i let you go a long time ago. so why does it bother me so much now?
i'm done. i'm done with you. with our friendship. with this.
((and for that...i hate you most of all))
"if you ever want to come home from chicago. and leave the things that habit made you love. i'll be there to await your arrival."
*don't expect me to be there anymore.*