Freetime
My husband's close cousin died Monday. She'd been dying of bone cancer for quite some time and we were all expecting it, but she was thirty-four and had two kids Imagine's age. So we planned on sending Col and Imagine to Chicago when it happened for them to attend the funeral and Imagine could hang with the kids. They left Wednesday and I'm writing a lot of poetry, working in the garden, organizing a summer language camp at our Buddhist temple for middleschoolers from South Korea to come to Hawaii for six weeks.
And I cried the night before Col & Imagine were leaving for the mainland. I surprised myself with that. I've been away from Imagine enough times that the time away is not a big deal, but this is the first time he has left me for and extended time and so far away. I guess I was more surprised by his confidence and total ability to get it together and go for such a major event. His first open-casket wake. I guess a part of me kind of figured he would stay with us for a long time, that he would take his time figuring out where he wanted to live in this world, what he wanted to do. I saw in him as he was heading through the security gate at the airport, this sel-assured young man, flashes of the future to come and I realized that he may be courageous enough to just up and leave at eighteen and travel the world! The mothering part of me went into a bit of a withdrawal.
We hope, as parents to give our kids what we didn't have. I guess I was always a bit fearful. On the outside I could speak pretty confidently, but on the inside I was usually dying of fear. I hoped that I could help Imagine be cool about life and death, confident enough to take risks and go for broke in life. I hoped he would always be kind and help anyone who needed help. At 10, he's already doing those things and I guess I just kind of realized it all of a sudden.
So here's a question. I've piddled away a couple days of freedom on yardwork, busywork and writing. What would you do with a week of alone time in your own home? I've got until next Friday.
And I cried the night before Col & Imagine were leaving for the mainland. I surprised myself with that. I've been away from Imagine enough times that the time away is not a big deal, but this is the first time he has left me for and extended time and so far away. I guess I was more surprised by his confidence and total ability to get it together and go for such a major event. His first open-casket wake. I guess a part of me kind of figured he would stay with us for a long time, that he would take his time figuring out where he wanted to live in this world, what he wanted to do. I saw in him as he was heading through the security gate at the airport, this sel-assured young man, flashes of the future to come and I realized that he may be courageous enough to just up and leave at eighteen and travel the world! The mothering part of me went into a bit of a withdrawal.
We hope, as parents to give our kids what we didn't have. I guess I was always a bit fearful. On the outside I could speak pretty confidently, but on the inside I was usually dying of fear. I hoped that I could help Imagine be cool about life and death, confident enough to take risks and go for broke in life. I hoped he would always be kind and help anyone who needed help. At 10, he's already doing those things and I guess I just kind of realized it all of a sudden.
So here's a question. I've piddled away a couple days of freedom on yardwork, busywork and writing. What would you do with a week of alone time in your own home? I've got until next Friday.