Unload
Two months ago I booked tickets for Imagine and I to meet up with his dad in DC while he was there for work and then after a few days fly down to Georgia to stay with my sister and the cousins for a couple weeks. Almost as soon as I booked the tickets I started having small flares with my illness- a little joint pain, more insomnia, difficulty breathing and all the usual. I went through tests at the specialist to be sure there wasn't anything else going on and to adjust the thyroid hormone meds if necessary. But they are good. All is good.
It is my head, I know. I begin to make lists. Things to take, things to send, things to remember to tell the neighbor who will house and cat sit for us, things to do before we leave, things to have on the plane...etc... I cannot stop making lists in my head and so I write them down, thinking it will unload them from my head. It does not seem to make a difference, for my head makes new lists. I go through this process everytime I leave my little island and I get to the point about a week before leaving of eventually letting go of half the stuff I thought I needed to do/take when the whole thing began. Why is it that I cannot begin the whole process knowing it is unecessary to make the lists in my head? Ultimately it is beyond my control, my meditation shows me this and I do find that place of rest, but the struggle before, the stress...so unecessary.
It is my head, I know. I begin to make lists. Things to take, things to send, things to remember to tell the neighbor who will house and cat sit for us, things to do before we leave, things to have on the plane...etc... I cannot stop making lists in my head and so I write them down, thinking it will unload them from my head. It does not seem to make a difference, for my head makes new lists. I go through this process everytime I leave my little island and I get to the point about a week before leaving of eventually letting go of half the stuff I thought I needed to do/take when the whole thing began. Why is it that I cannot begin the whole process knowing it is unecessary to make the lists in my head? Ultimately it is beyond my control, my meditation shows me this and I do find that place of rest, but the struggle before, the stress...so unecessary.