(no subject)
I had a really long and involved dream last night. I should have written about it as soon as I got up, as I am sure that I would have remembered far more. But hopefully I will remember enough.
It revolved around my half-brother in this weird way. The half-brother who we (my family) do not talk to or see. The half-brother I have not seen for probably at least eight years now.
I can't remember how it started out. I really wish I could remember. This is killing me that I can't. Damn. Well, I remember this: in the dream I was an older version of myself. I was older, maybe near 30. But I lived in the past. I know this because I, and everyone else in the dream, were wearing clothing from a different era. I was wearing a long dress with a slightly poofy bottom to it. A long-sleeved dress. I remember that. And I remember that it was dark, dark green. What a strange thing to remember. My dream was made up of three parts. The first part was a dreadful time and I am not sure why. I remember the least amount about the first part of the dream. It was far more involved than I remember it, but I know that it revolved around my half-brother. And how he had done horrible things to me and to everyone around me, including the rest of my family. My family and I lived in some small tight-knit community in the past and in the community my half-brother was notorious. I wish I could remember why. I just knew I needed to change things. I needed to fix it all before some really huge and inevitable catastrophe struck. This realization led into the second part. I remember being in some kind of hall. The hall was filled with all of these modern contraptions. And by modern I mean today, as in the 21st century. So this part obviously did not make sense. There I was, around 30 years old but it was the year 2007, and yet I was in this antique dress. It was probably quite the site... me in this long-sleeved, poofy, dark green dress surrounded by these white and silver sterile machines and contraptions, knobs and buttons and all. I felt like I knew what I was doing. I began monkeying around with all of the machines. I felt like I had been planning this for some time, or at least I knew enough about it all to know it would solve all of the problems. My sister came in the room. Or at least I think it was my sister. She was older too and dressed in a similar fashion. She wanted me to stop. She was scared and unsure and did not think anything would be able to fix the damage done in the present. One of the machines had a large space inside of it. It was a really large machine and it just had this, well, this gaping hole inside of it. The hole had no visible back and no visible bottom. A bottomless space. Well, it is an indescribable space really. But it was pitch black. I finished pushing and pulling and calculating and turned to my sister and told her it was time. And I ran full-speed and determined towards the void. She yelled for me to stop. But I didn't and I dove inside with my sister reluctantly following behind me. Suddenly, I was standing in the middle of this really old small church. An old wooden church, or at least it was some kind of old wooden building. All of the people in our small and tight-knit community were there with me in the room. Then I noticed my half-brother across the room. Things were different. I could tell that things were different. Before, if he had been in the same room as the community there would have been chaos. Things were almost fixed but I could sense that things were not perfect yet. There was a slight shakiness and hesitance inside of everything and everyone and throughout every inch of space. I watched my half-brother from across the room with a furrowed brow. He, unlike everyone else, had a lightness about him and a slight smirk appeared on his face. All at once he took to running towards the doors. I watched him exit and saw him through the tall glass-paned windows. To the right of the building there was a large-sized ditch. He ran to the ditch and jumped straight in. The ditch was filled with muddy water that came up to about chest height. Well, it was more like a muddy sludge. I smiled and I felt the lightness that I knew he was experiencing. I knew everything was fixed; I knew I had fixed everything. I ran as fast as I could through the same doors and jumped, feet-first, into the mud. I remember seeing from point of view outside of my own what I looked like as I was suspended in mid-air, and as my big green dress billowed up around me as I fell towards the mud. It was perfect. The mud and how it felt and everything. Everything was perfect. And I knew that as I looked at my half-brother's mud-covered face and as he looked at mine, I knew that everything was going to be fine. I knew that everything was perfect. People slowly came out of the church and they all realized it too. My sister jumped into the mud with us. Eventually most of the community joined us in the mud. And I remember smearing the mud over my face. And I remember closing my eyes and smiling and feeling this complete sense of peace spread over my whole entire body. And things were okay, things were perfect, in fact, and everyone knew it and everyone just sat quiet and happy in the mud. Everyone sat with mud-matted hair and brown faces and gritty teeth and ruined clothes and cold, dirty bodies and everyone knew that it couldn't get any better than it was.
I think I remembered a fair amount. I know there was more to the first and second segments. But the third part, in the mud, that is what stuck out the most to me. God, I wish things could be fixed that easily. I wish I was able to turn my half-brother into a different person--a person that I actually know, a person that I want and need him to be. Also I wish I could just sit in the mud and realize that everything will work out, that everything will be okay.
It revolved around my half-brother in this weird way. The half-brother who we (my family) do not talk to or see. The half-brother I have not seen for probably at least eight years now.
I can't remember how it started out. I really wish I could remember. This is killing me that I can't. Damn. Well, I remember this: in the dream I was an older version of myself. I was older, maybe near 30. But I lived in the past. I know this because I, and everyone else in the dream, were wearing clothing from a different era. I was wearing a long dress with a slightly poofy bottom to it. A long-sleeved dress. I remember that. And I remember that it was dark, dark green. What a strange thing to remember. My dream was made up of three parts. The first part was a dreadful time and I am not sure why. I remember the least amount about the first part of the dream. It was far more involved than I remember it, but I know that it revolved around my half-brother. And how he had done horrible things to me and to everyone around me, including the rest of my family. My family and I lived in some small tight-knit community in the past and in the community my half-brother was notorious. I wish I could remember why. I just knew I needed to change things. I needed to fix it all before some really huge and inevitable catastrophe struck. This realization led into the second part. I remember being in some kind of hall. The hall was filled with all of these modern contraptions. And by modern I mean today, as in the 21st century. So this part obviously did not make sense. There I was, around 30 years old but it was the year 2007, and yet I was in this antique dress. It was probably quite the site... me in this long-sleeved, poofy, dark green dress surrounded by these white and silver sterile machines and contraptions, knobs and buttons and all. I felt like I knew what I was doing. I began monkeying around with all of the machines. I felt like I had been planning this for some time, or at least I knew enough about it all to know it would solve all of the problems. My sister came in the room. Or at least I think it was my sister. She was older too and dressed in a similar fashion. She wanted me to stop. She was scared and unsure and did not think anything would be able to fix the damage done in the present. One of the machines had a large space inside of it. It was a really large machine and it just had this, well, this gaping hole inside of it. The hole had no visible back and no visible bottom. A bottomless space. Well, it is an indescribable space really. But it was pitch black. I finished pushing and pulling and calculating and turned to my sister and told her it was time. And I ran full-speed and determined towards the void. She yelled for me to stop. But I didn't and I dove inside with my sister reluctantly following behind me. Suddenly, I was standing in the middle of this really old small church. An old wooden church, or at least it was some kind of old wooden building. All of the people in our small and tight-knit community were there with me in the room. Then I noticed my half-brother across the room. Things were different. I could tell that things were different. Before, if he had been in the same room as the community there would have been chaos. Things were almost fixed but I could sense that things were not perfect yet. There was a slight shakiness and hesitance inside of everything and everyone and throughout every inch of space. I watched my half-brother from across the room with a furrowed brow. He, unlike everyone else, had a lightness about him and a slight smirk appeared on his face. All at once he took to running towards the doors. I watched him exit and saw him through the tall glass-paned windows. To the right of the building there was a large-sized ditch. He ran to the ditch and jumped straight in. The ditch was filled with muddy water that came up to about chest height. Well, it was more like a muddy sludge. I smiled and I felt the lightness that I knew he was experiencing. I knew everything was fixed; I knew I had fixed everything. I ran as fast as I could through the same doors and jumped, feet-first, into the mud. I remember seeing from point of view outside of my own what I looked like as I was suspended in mid-air, and as my big green dress billowed up around me as I fell towards the mud. It was perfect. The mud and how it felt and everything. Everything was perfect. And I knew that as I looked at my half-brother's mud-covered face and as he looked at mine, I knew that everything was going to be fine. I knew that everything was perfect. People slowly came out of the church and they all realized it too. My sister jumped into the mud with us. Eventually most of the community joined us in the mud. And I remember smearing the mud over my face. And I remember closing my eyes and smiling and feeling this complete sense of peace spread over my whole entire body. And things were okay, things were perfect, in fact, and everyone knew it and everyone just sat quiet and happy in the mud. Everyone sat with mud-matted hair and brown faces and gritty teeth and ruined clothes and cold, dirty bodies and everyone knew that it couldn't get any better than it was.
I think I remembered a fair amount. I know there was more to the first and second segments. But the third part, in the mud, that is what stuck out the most to me. God, I wish things could be fixed that easily. I wish I was able to turn my half-brother into a different person--a person that I actually know, a person that I want and need him to be. Also I wish I could just sit in the mud and realize that everything will work out, that everything will be okay.