things that just won't mend

[olsoul]

i wish that i could say that i'm okay,
i wish that i could tell you i'm fine.
i'm trying to reconcile these things i try to hide.
i wish that i was sober,
and i wish that i was strong.
i wish that you were here,
to catch me when i fall.
so here i am again trying to make sense of things
that should already be crystal clear.
to unmuddle what i messed up with these bitter tears.
so here i cry out in the dark to try and make amends.
here i go to try and fix the things that just won't mend.
i promised this was the last time a dozen last times ago.
i told myself i'd let it go,
but things happen you know.
so here i sit here wishing i had let it all just go,
but then again i've done this dance enough times
i ought to know it goes like so.
i wish i was a better person,
i wish that you could see,
the person that you think i am,
not the mirrored image that i see.
the guy that has to stare at all of his complexities.
the person that i hate,
that just so happens to be me.