(no subject)
I guess i should update this. Maybe i will write in it more often... I don't know. I'll be honest, i'm afraid of these things. I have a lot of insecurity about letting out my feelings and having other see them, or see the inside me. Not that hte inside me is bad or anything, or i'm being fake on the outside, it's just that i don't show a lot? I'm not exroverted.. I am very introverted. I keep myself to myself because i'm afraid of other people seeing it, even if i know they won't do anything or that it doesn't matter if they see it. Also because iunno.. I get myself feeling sick with worrying over it and i try really hard sometimes, but i just can't. I feel that most people don't even care of what i have to say or how i feel and stuff. Many times i try to express myself or speak out and it just goes unnoticed or someone else just speaks louder drowning me out.
Sometimes i feel that my life has no meaning to it, but i only think of it that way with my life here at this moment where i live now and with the people that live here. i know my life is out in my future, it has to. Why i know my life is not in Rochester, or even New York. I still have to find myself and i feel i know where to look to find it. I know who to look for to help me find myself, and it is nobody here. Why i am going away to college. Why i know i won't live here. Sometimes i get really lonely here. I feel i am by myself here and nobody sees things how i see them. I know that's probably not true too. It's just htere are so many morons here.. I don't find amusing what others find amusing. I never feel part of anything. I never feel like i belong, or i am part of the group. I'm always just standing a little bit outside of it. I wonder sometimes if i look pathetic or anything to the people just passing by as i stand a little to the side as everyone else talks in the group, laughing and such. I just stand there, quiet, trying to make myself not so noticeable. I don't understand people sometimes..I don't even know how to express what i feel. Sometimes i feel like shrinking away from everyone, and that goes unnoticed case i'm usually by myself. I've always been kind of the black sheep growing up. I've never really had that sense of belonging to ever really last. It always comes back that i am just standing a little bit outside of the group. My whole life i've always been standing a little bit to the side. The only time i feel i belong anywhere is when i talk to Kristen. It feels right.
I think i'm done... i could go on but i don't like doing that. I don't like complaining. Imagine i came here wondering what to write and thinking i'd just say something about the Zelda Fan-fiction (they called those?? O.o..) i was thinking of writing.. Dunno. Maybe i will write in here more often or something. Not sure...Eeeh..
Sometimes i feel that my life has no meaning to it, but i only think of it that way with my life here at this moment where i live now and with the people that live here. i know my life is out in my future, it has to. Why i know my life is not in Rochester, or even New York. I still have to find myself and i feel i know where to look to find it. I know who to look for to help me find myself, and it is nobody here. Why i am going away to college. Why i know i won't live here. Sometimes i get really lonely here. I feel i am by myself here and nobody sees things how i see them. I know that's probably not true too. It's just htere are so many morons here.. I don't find amusing what others find amusing. I never feel part of anything. I never feel like i belong, or i am part of the group. I'm always just standing a little bit outside of it. I wonder sometimes if i look pathetic or anything to the people just passing by as i stand a little to the side as everyone else talks in the group, laughing and such. I just stand there, quiet, trying to make myself not so noticeable. I don't understand people sometimes..I don't even know how to express what i feel. Sometimes i feel like shrinking away from everyone, and that goes unnoticed case i'm usually by myself. I've always been kind of the black sheep growing up. I've never really had that sense of belonging to ever really last. It always comes back that i am just standing a little bit outside of the group. My whole life i've always been standing a little bit to the side. The only time i feel i belong anywhere is when i talk to Kristen. It feels right.
I think i'm done... i could go on but i don't like doing that. I don't like complaining. Imagine i came here wondering what to write and thinking i'd just say something about the Zelda Fan-fiction (they called those?? O.o..) i was thinking of writing.. Dunno. Maybe i will write in here more often or something. Not sure...Eeeh..