Don't talk about upsetting things over the internet.
Well tonight was really awful. For some reason I started to get really depressed again. This has been happening alot recently. I don't know exactly why this happens. I just get REALLY really upset, my heart just /hurts/. Well, Terri told me she was gonna talk to me at around 10:30 tonight. She said she'd be done with her homework around then. Well, that was at thanksgiving dinner, after we'd eaten. Terri didn't really respond much to me. That's fine, it's to be expected, ya know? She'd respond with a few words or so about every three minutes. When Colin signed on when we got back home, he started talking to Terri about wolves. Terri started responding to him too. She copy pasted a whole buncha stuff to him. After that she kept talking to him, responding rather quickly compared to when she was talking to me. I got really upset and all because I already /was/ upset... Well, I think maybe because I was so upset I was being a bit paranoid about it. It kinda upset me that while I was talking to her she just didn't respond at all, but as soon as Colin starts talkiong to her about wolves, she pays him significantly more attention and lands up talking to him for half an hour. Kinda upset me. So I told her this, but she thought I was trying to be offensive, that I was trying to cut her down. I had no such intent! I'd NEVER want to do that to her omg >.<;; If I did hurt her it was TOTALLY not intentional. If she could have heard my tone of voice I'm SURE she wouldn't have been NEARLY as uspet. Then she was telling me that I was being really mean to her and all, that I was being mean and all. Well that hurt like HELL >.<;;; I dont' know. I got REALLY really upset and I left really quickly. She was really reactive to me ._.;;;;; as if I wasn't depressed enough already, the one person I really want to go to when I'm feeling so terrible just tells me I'm being mean to her, cuts me down and decides to leave. FUCK >.<;;; When I get this upset it's kinda nice to think about what it'd be like to be dead. Just be a ghost, invisible, unnoticed, lingering in the air around those who once knew me but no longer be involved. I dunno... there's something sadly sweet about it. I dunno if she realizes that she wasn't being friendly in the /slightest/ ._.;; If I was being friendly I DEFINATELY didn't mean to and I DEFINATELY apologized for it >.<;;; what else can I do?? >.<;;; Oi... I just guessed she was uspet too and not thinking clearly either, so I left ._.;;; I hate when this happens ;_; She knows she just has to bear with me through times like this, but it seems sometimes, like tonight, she won't always do that ._.;; I just feel terrible right now ;_; if there weren't people around I'd like to cry ._.; I dunno. I feel like taking some sleeping pills. when I get like this there's some kind of wierd appeal to me in suicide. I dunno ._.; I wouldn't actually /kill/ or /hurt/ myself, but there does seem to be something really nice about it ._.; Maybe someone would have a little empathy? Maybe they'd be angry? I dunno ._.; oh well... time for me to go now. I don't feel up to talking to anyone. I'm gonna see if Terri's there though, leaving her like this just rips my insides to shreds ._.;; it almost makes me sick to my stomach ._.;;;;;; I think I'm gonna go see if she's there. Oh GOD I hope she is!!!! ;______; Terri ;_; *curls up into a tiny ball in the corner and whimpers, thinking about ghosts and death*