december the thousandth
having a conflict of purpose, i guess. havent been able to go to sleep before 3am in the last two weeks. judging on how its 6am now, i guess im late tonight as well. lately i've had trouble justifing being here. i feel almost ignored by life. school isnt getting me down any more than it should, heh i dont even go to class more then 5 periods a week anymore. i cant help feel insignificant. i dream about being a great person doing great things, winning impossible fights, but in reality, i dont think i'll ever be that. i've always loved to think myself smarter, or stronger then other people, but thats quickly become less true. i dont even have a personality that people can stand for more then a little bit, and even though it bothers me, i must not truely care, but i dont bother enough to change it. i love walking alone at night. i just think and daydream and there is no one around to put it into terrifying perspective. i want to write, i mean, really write. i want my dreams and ideas to be conveyed to other people. not just the asshole things i say when im around them.
just a little bit to tide me over, i guess. class in two hours, hopefully i can stay up for that. my latest fear(and nightmare of late) has been that the world ends. that one morning ill have everything i want and it will be perfect and i will look out my window and see this: http://www.explodingdog.com/january2/itisawonderfulworld.html
the other night i thought i had the ability to "person trace" objects. i mean, everything you see around you was probably built by a person, and for a little bit i could see back into those people, and i wished that the things they made reflected them somehow. maybe thats why people like art.
just a little bit to tide me over, i guess. class in two hours, hopefully i can stay up for that. my latest fear(and nightmare of late) has been that the world ends. that one morning ill have everything i want and it will be perfect and i will look out my window and see this: http://www.explodingdog.com/january2/itisawonderfulworld.html
the other night i thought i had the ability to "person trace" objects. i mean, everything you see around you was probably built by a person, and for a little bit i could see back into those people, and i wished that the things they made reflected them somehow. maybe thats why people like art.