(no subject)
Well I was going to elaborate more on the comment that I left on Sara's LJ entry but I didn't feel like leaving a long comment. What I was going to tell her and just something to get off my tongue, was that you get used to it. It comes in stages really. I know that one of the first stages is sort of depression like and you just want to know why (usually asking, "Why is this happening to me?"). Then you start to get really sickish (especially around everyone that is treating you differently, or in my case all my "friends" except three) and this sickish ness is constantly there. This sickness isn't a normal sickness though and it changes in nature. A lot of times it is that physical feeling that your stomach is in knots, you fell like puking everywhere, and/or you feel like either you are or you want to die, not to mention that your appetite withers away to near nothing. After a little bit of time (can be with in a day or a month) the depression, the why's, the build up of confused emotions, and the sickness all turn to anger/rage/hate. In this stage, usually the "friends" start to notice that something is wrong. They ask are you ok, and usually you just say yes because that sickness comes back (though now its more then you feeling ill but also you feeling disgusted with this/these people) and you just want them to go away (especially since you know that if you tell the truth, this person will deny everything and say that they never meant it and that they do care about you and all that defensive stuff, and you just get even worst). Sometimes you get the, "Are you sure?" 's and again usually you answer yes so that they just leave you alone. Most of the time they wont ask you again if your ok, and might even go and talk about you, like friends are supposed to act (right?). After sometime goes by and you have cooled off, you lose all since of care except for the people that actually care about you. You get used to not having friends, not "fitting in", becoming that person that you used to view as the social outcast.
I have come to the conclusion that I never had real friends except for two (maybe three) that would actually do anything for me at any time of the day. I know, after a few months of what I could consider hell, agree with my mom. Once you graduate from high school, in the shortest possible answer, your screwed. If you need more explanation then this just ask, I'm far from afraid to tell, but I warn you that if your one of the people that turned your back on me, your going to get the cold, ugly, hardass truth.
"There's nothing ever wrong,
But nothing's ever right.
Such a cruel contradiction."
"What ever happened to the young man's heart?
It's swallowed by pain as he slowly fell apart."
EDIT: and me and sami are BFF'S FA LYFE, YO.
I have come to the conclusion that I never had real friends except for two (maybe three) that would actually do anything for me at any time of the day. I know, after a few months of what I could consider hell, agree with my mom. Once you graduate from high school, in the shortest possible answer, your screwed. If you need more explanation then this just ask, I'm far from afraid to tell, but I warn you that if your one of the people that turned your back on me, your going to get the cold, ugly, hardass truth.
"There's nothing ever wrong,
But nothing's ever right.
Such a cruel contradiction."
"What ever happened to the young man's heart?
It's swallowed by pain as he slowly fell apart."
EDIT: and me and sami are BFF'S FA LYFE, YO.