the saga continues..
I wish he would stop asking me what I want from him. I keep telling him nothing, I don't want anything from you. Then he goes, so you'd be fine if we didn't see each other anymore? I say well no, but Id' get over it, but thats not what I meant by I don't want anything. I really don't. I don't want a damn thing, and will not ever ask for anything. I obviously enjoy the time spent with you very much, but why does it have to go any further then that? Why must everything be defined? And he contradicts himself all the fuckin time. Just Sunday when he apologized about last Tuesday he said, you're right I am not your man, I'll let you just do your thing, and we'll just see what happens. whatever happens happens. Then last night, he tries to not only put some kind of label, on us, or what I want from him, but he starts in on the "who else am I seeing" questions. Who I have slept with. Dude. don't ask don't tell. I don't ask him that bullshit, cause i don't really give a fuck. And he thinks i am lying when I say I'm not jealous and I don't care, cause i expect men to be whores, it doesn't bother me when they meet or exceed that expectation cause I knew it already. And he kept telling me that I loved him. How are you going to tell ME how I feel? seriously. I don't love him nor am I close to such a feeling. Like him, yes obviously, or I wouldn't see him as much as i do. But love? Fuck love. thats bullshit. And I would know if I loved him, cause I'd be a jealous possesive bitch, if I did.
Nevertheless he is convinced I am in love with him. Despite what i say and my reasoning. and we get into arguments soooo easily. And he gets so mad that I won't express what I feel or what I'm thinking. when we argue I just do the whole silent treatment, not only because thats how I've been my entire life (you can ask any of my ex's or anyone in my family). When I'm upset or sad i just say absolutely nothing. And he can't stand that, cause he is such a vocal and outspoken persont. Even if I did, that would only make matters worse cause some of the things I want to say to him sometimes, are pretty fucked up. lol...anyways. I just wanted to vent. why does he have to make me laugh so much? and why does he have to be the sweetest guy in the world but also the biggest asshole? and why can't I just be indifferent? I normally don't give two shits, so why must I care now? i don't want to.