(no subject)
bros i've been going thru it w/my brain, my mood has been so unpredictable and it sucks ass. my psych adjusted my meds slightly and i'm taking something new now that's apparently good with my current lineup of meds? i guess? i've only been taking it for a handful of days so there isn't any improvement yet, but i keep thinking "WHEN IS IT GOING TO WORK??" because i'm struggling big time. i feel really self-conscious about it too since i'm usually pretty good at shrugging off any negative moods or like... pretending it's okay. not that i should do that as a default reaction to things ofc, but it's literally how i've been able to keep my shit together for my entire life lol. i'm working on it with my therapist but when my brain is going WOOOOWEEEEWOOOO on and off it's kinda hard to focus and be productive. which i am not being.
all my plans for work have been put on hold too until i can find a new perfect cocktail of meds that won't make me feel crazy. it's so frustrating like. i had things planned out and a calendar to help me know what i need to do for the week but now i'm just full of anxiety and can do the bare minimum on most days. my mood drops so low sometimes, too. it gets so bad that i wonder if i should be in a hospital again or something? but i'm conscious enough of myself and my decisions, so it would be pointless to even go there.
i'm picking my scalp so much too, it's gotten really bad. i'm trying to figure out a way to not do that. usually i try to wear a hat when i'm out so i'll keep my hands away from my head, but at home i'm so restless with my hands and my anxiety/stress makes me pick. maybe i'll find a proper fidget toy and see if that works. usually i need to rip/pull/pick at something tho, are there even tools that can help me with that? more things i gotta look into i guess.
i also finally saw the chronic pain doc and it wasn't really helpful. i'm still waiting for the ketamine infusions, i gotta call this? place? to get set up w/other resources while i'm waiting?? i dunno!! uugghhh everything is soooo sdklfndskjfSDJFNDSKJ.
anyway. could a depressed person do THIS??
me and peabo finally finished making these little guys, yahoo. i'm kind of amazed we actually did it, imagine starting a project and then finishing it. wowee.
all my plans for work have been put on hold too until i can find a new perfect cocktail of meds that won't make me feel crazy. it's so frustrating like. i had things planned out and a calendar to help me know what i need to do for the week but now i'm just full of anxiety and can do the bare minimum on most days. my mood drops so low sometimes, too. it gets so bad that i wonder if i should be in a hospital again or something? but i'm conscious enough of myself and my decisions, so it would be pointless to even go there.
i'm picking my scalp so much too, it's gotten really bad. i'm trying to figure out a way to not do that. usually i try to wear a hat when i'm out so i'll keep my hands away from my head, but at home i'm so restless with my hands and my anxiety/stress makes me pick. maybe i'll find a proper fidget toy and see if that works. usually i need to rip/pull/pick at something tho, are there even tools that can help me with that? more things i gotta look into i guess.
i also finally saw the chronic pain doc and it wasn't really helpful. i'm still waiting for the ketamine infusions, i gotta call this? place? to get set up w/other resources while i'm waiting?? i dunno!! uugghhh everything is soooo sdklfndskjfSDJFNDSKJ.
anyway. could a depressed person do THIS??
me and peabo finally finished making these little guys, yahoo. i'm kind of amazed we actually did it, imagine starting a project and then finishing it. wowee.