My Very First Sporking!
I have gone the deviant route in that I found this story on Harry Potter Fanfiction (HPFF), but this Sue is still very much in need of all the recognition it deserves. Part of this is because I have looked on the Pit, and the story is nowhere to be found (I know!). So, I shall offer the link to HPFF, and hope others will follow suit as well, as there are a great many Sue on here that are beginning to feel left out!
Their feelings are being hurt bad enough by the fact that they are just awful! Don't make it any worse for them!
Story Or Series Title: Krista
Fandom: Harry Potter: Random American Insert Powers...Activate!
Culprit Author's Name: gymnast23
Summary:
First story in the Krista series
3000+ reads! Thank you!
Hermione Granger is going to hogwarts for her first year. When her parents adopt a sister for her eleventh birthday, she makes...quite a difference. Despite her commotion and hatred for Draco Malfoy, Krista has to make a decision that will affect not only her relationship with her sister, but how she sees Slytherins forever. Well, then it sure is a good thing Krista's here!
Full Name (plus titles if any): Krista Lastwick, adopted daughter of the Grangers. And also the only child willing to allow herself to be wrapped in paper and torn open like a present for the amusement of the child her parents already have. I kid you not!
Full Species(es): Pureblood witch with the ability to skate in and out of the basic laws of the Potter-verse, as well as the ability to reach into the future and bring back Muggle electronics
Hair Color (include adjectives): "Sleek black hair that came down to her chest."
Eye Color (include adjectives): "Her eyes were green, and she looked as if she had been crying." Of course she's crying! Her new parents have marked her arrival to the family by introducing her in a way that places her slightly above an ant farm!
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A severe hormone disorder that makes her attracted to the opposite sex at the age of ten, and it's contagious, because it later spreads to Malfoy. (Does no one tell kids about cooties anymore?)
Special Possessions (if any): a dead sister, died of food poisoning (okay, this is the first time I have every laughed at a statement involving dead children); her dead sister's wand, holly and swan feather (ignoring that fact that swans are not magical creatures), which somehow works perfectly for her; an American $100 bill, despite being British; lime green Aeropostale jacket; "her favorite tees, which was lime green (any guesses what her favorite color is?) and read: I’M NOT SHORT, I’M ELF SIZED" (actual quote); an iPod and an iPhone (in 1991) a strong feeling that Draco Malfoy is 'really nice'. Meaning 'cute'.
Annoying Origin: She is the daughter of the American Isaac Lastwick and Kayla Halverson (who went to Hogwarts somehow, I guess, and met the Malfoys). And then they died or something, so she and her older sister, Kristinia, going into foster care in New York City, where her sister licks ice cream off the sidewalk in front of their school (Okay, I made this part up), gets food poisoning, and dies. Then, after there were absolutely no more families left in America, Canada, Belize, and the English-speaking parts of the Carribean and South American who would put up with her, she was sent to England, where she was promptly wrapped in paper and place in a closet until Hermione came home.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: She is now the Granger's adopted daughter (who though it was a better idea to make her a 'surprise', like a hamster, rather than tell Hermione about this change in the family); and as such, is now living right next door to the Malfoys (a fact which was never mentioned in all seven books, or the fact that the Malfoys have a shiny black car);
Annoying Special Abilities: somehow able to use magic with a wand without any reactions from the Ministry of Magic; an ability to look past the fact that the Malfoys are former Death Eaters and agrees to go on a 'trip to Diagon Alley with them, with Hermione in tow (Krista, you just wait here while we take your Muggle-born sister into this back room. And here, have some firecrackers to play with while you wait.);
Other Annoying Traits: She and her sister were somg writing prodigies, and they filled up a HUGE (actual quote) binder full of songs; she 'is a genius' (another quote) who is able to bed the laws of physic and time in her universe, but somehow can't manage to live on her own in a treehouse somewhere...far, far away from the realm of Harry Potter.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
Once they had gotten over there, Krista knocked on the door harshly. Malfoy opened it.
“What do you need?” he snapped at them
“We need to (have unholy ten-year-old sex with you!) see your mother.” She snapped back at them. Even kinkier!
“Just ignore her Draco.” Said a small red figure on his shoulder “She isn’t worth it.”
“But she’s so beautiful.” Said a white figure on his other shoulder
“I’m ignoring both of you.” Draco told them
They disappeared within seconds. But then the little green fire leprechaun appeared on his head and said. "Then you know what you must do now. Burn the house down! BURN THE ALL!!!!
“What do you girls need?” Narcissa Malfoy asked them
“I was right.” Krista said
“About what dear-Oh yes, the muffin night.” Narcissa said Everytime Narcissa Malfoy says 'muffin', God kills a kitten. Please! Think of the kittens!
“Yes.” Krista said
“What are you talking about?” Hermione asked
“Obviously something that involves muffins, Granger.” Said Malfoy, appearing out of nowhere P.S. It counts with any member of the Malfoy family.
P.P.S. We're up to two for everyone who cares.
“Ah yes, you.” Said Narcissa, looking at her son “Sit down right now. You’re part of the conversation too.”
Malfoy regretfully sat down in a chair opposite from Krista. She turned away, determined not to look at him. Yes, for the beast inside her may awake and usher in the reign of the Anti-Christ!
“Now, Draco, apologize to Hermione.” Said Narcissa
“WHAT! MOTHER, ARE YOU CRAZY! I’M NOT APOLOGIZING TO HER!” Malfoy shouted Smack that squirrely little bastard upside the head, Narcissa!
“Calm down. You’re just a little loud.” Krista said sarcastically And if Krista has anything to say about it, cut her!
“Whatever brat. Mum, why do I have to apologize to her?” he said making a rude hand gesture at Hermione.
“I have no comment.” Said Hermione softly What does she have to hide? There's a story here! Is she pregnant? Call the Times!
“Draco, apologize now. And to Krista too.” Or she'll melt. Wait...don't apologize!
“But why do I have to apologize to her?” Malfoy asked
“BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN CALLING HER A MUDBLOOD FOR NEARLY FOUR MONTHS!” Krista shouted And even though that has nothing to do with me, seeing as I'm a pureblood witch, I still demand to be at the center of every word ever said by mankind!
“Now you’re the one who getting a little loud.” Malfoy retorted
“Draco, apologize now.” Narcissa said in a commanding tone.
Malfoy rolled his eyes.
“Granger, I’m sorry for calling you a Mudblood, Krista, I’m sorry for calling you a brat.” He said.
Malfoy immediately left the room. Krista then sat up and motioned for Hermione to follow her to the door.
“He uses my first name, isn’t that disgusting.” Said Krista, once they had stepped outside
“But he likes you, that’s even more disgusting.” Hermione told her There's that contagious hormone disorder I was talking about!