(no subject)
How do you forget once you've forgave? Or is to forget to forive or to forgive to forget?
I don't know how to forget and get on with things. It's hard-especially when there was a promise to never lie or hurt me. I guess Kara is right, that's not a promise or guarantee until vows have been said-and even then it's not a full guarantee. There was so much said, so many hopes and dreams, and to find out that it was only to please me- there are no words. You begin to question your self-value and worth, "Am I not worth this?" "Am I not what he wants?" "Why doesn't he want that with me?" And then some.
When is the point in time when things are supposed to be okay. When is this supposed to pass. When will I get past my mindset of his "fakeness" of when he says what he says, he truly means it. I know time is needed to fix this. I really love him, I do. I want things to work, and, somewhere deep down, I still want with him what I thought we wanted together. I still have a secret desire, for when we're together, for him to tell me the things he used to- that used to give me butterflies, and fill me with joy, but I know if anything of that nature is expressed, it's only in his hopes to cheer me up.
It's so strange. I feel extremely apathetic, drained. Just very blank. I want to wretch when I see his last name in conjunction with my name, or nickname- such as the user name for live journal. It hurts. I'm so sad.
Everything should be okay, at least, I believe that's what he thinks, because, afterall- he got his way. I was screwed. I'm hurting and he got it off his chest.
I want to take time, but I don't want to lose him in that process.
I need some advice desperately, anything to help my mind and put me in some sort of ease. I do feel very alone- I miss my friends.
I don't know how to forget and get on with things. It's hard-especially when there was a promise to never lie or hurt me. I guess Kara is right, that's not a promise or guarantee until vows have been said-and even then it's not a full guarantee. There was so much said, so many hopes and dreams, and to find out that it was only to please me- there are no words. You begin to question your self-value and worth, "Am I not worth this?" "Am I not what he wants?" "Why doesn't he want that with me?" And then some.
When is the point in time when things are supposed to be okay. When is this supposed to pass. When will I get past my mindset of his "fakeness" of when he says what he says, he truly means it. I know time is needed to fix this. I really love him, I do. I want things to work, and, somewhere deep down, I still want with him what I thought we wanted together. I still have a secret desire, for when we're together, for him to tell me the things he used to- that used to give me butterflies, and fill me with joy, but I know if anything of that nature is expressed, it's only in his hopes to cheer me up.
It's so strange. I feel extremely apathetic, drained. Just very blank. I want to wretch when I see his last name in conjunction with my name, or nickname- such as the user name for live journal. It hurts. I'm so sad.
Everything should be okay, at least, I believe that's what he thinks, because, afterall- he got his way. I was screwed. I'm hurting and he got it off his chest.
I want to take time, but I don't want to lose him in that process.
I need some advice desperately, anything to help my mind and put me in some sort of ease. I do feel very alone- I miss my friends.