why?
how come everytime when somethings perfect it all goes wrong? why? why do you only love me every once in a while. i don't understand. aren't you supposed to be there for me one hundred percent? not just when you feel like it? doesn't it matter anymore what im feeling? why do i still think these terrible thoughts? why does the rain still fall at night? why does this happen to me? People say im lucky, but shouldn't the girl thats lucky feel lucky? i don't think im lucky. i was lucky, but now im just lonely. Even though im with you i still feel like the loniest person in the world. thats no supposed to happen to anyone. and i hope no one ever feels the way i feel right now. Why aren't i ever happy anymore? I'm tired and stressed. Over everything. And i don't even have the time to talk to you about what im feeling. And i can't stand it anymore. its making me sick to my stomach. im sorry i can't fucking read your mind. I mean if i go, will you even care? will you ever come back to me? cuz i don't wanna let you go. you mean everything to me. and if i don't to you, then what am i supposed to do? i know it seems so dumb to be like this over someone. at times it just doesn't make since to me. like how can i be so in love with you? when sometimes you treat me like im fucking dirt. And you know what im not dirt! i deserve to be treating well, i mean im your fucking girlfriend for god sake. treat me with repect. i feel at times i could be with a much better guy. and people tell me all the time. but everytime i think about being with someone else. I stomach moves clogs my troat, i can bearly breath, and tears fall from my face. Cuz hoestly i don't wanna be with another guy. you are everything to me. i know you think, well how do you know when your in love. you don't. you just feel it. and right now it would be so hard to let you go, cuz i love you so much. Sometimes i feel i have to. But then times that we have with eachother, like on Saturday, those are the times, i never wanna leave you. Inside im terrifed. Where is this relationship gonna take me? it could be nowhere. it could be a thousand different things. And i terrifed for each and everyone of them. Maybe the reason im feeling this way is because im so stressed about soccer, volleyabll and school that my feeling just get all messed up. But i've also been feeling this way for a while. inside i really don't know what i'm gonna do. becuase theres so many reasons not to leave you and so many reasons too. And you have been better, i give you props for that. I just wish you would make time for me. Cuz evertime i do for you, you can't talk or can't go or whatever your reason is. But why is it always that, do you want this relationship to go further or do you want it to end right now? Do you even wanna be with me cuz it doesn't even feel like you do? what do you want from me and this relationship? all that i know is that i need you.