(no subject)
I think I've finally figured out why I resent my roommate. She has just gotten out of a very close relationship - the guy broke up with her over the phone after they've been dating for over two years, and then she learned that he was trying to hook up with other girls while they were together!! (with their mutual friends, no less; the logic of this escapes me, other than it may have been convenient) Wellllll, my deal is that I have NOTHING. to contribute. to this. I have myself been an ass in my previous relationships, so I can definitely relate to what that guy had done, probably actually more than what Laura's going through. And when she shares her concerns with me or just talks about it, I act very snappy because I just really don't want to consider the situation! The undercurrent being that this makes me see my past actions in a different light - makes me feel like a lesser person for all the pain I've caused people I genuinely cared about simply because I'm insecure. I just ... dunno. Its hard. Commitment is hard, but its hardest feeling vulnerable. That's why I don't really want a boyfriend right now! And then Laura is handling everything so gracefully, and all of their mutual friends have left Chris' side to join her camp. This is probably the hardest part, seeing him do what I'd done and get so much shit for it, just completely lose everyone he was close with (except for the guy I'm seeing, but he is so aloof that I doubt he cares). Just basically seeing my side of the camp (?!) lack saving grace. I wonder if this is a sick twist of fate, being put face-to-face with a victim of my own strategy and have to endure her pain. Karma.