Evaluation (House/Cameron) - Chapter 21
House was that nervous while opening the envelope and letter that he even cut himself with the paper. House took a deep breath as slowly as possible in order not to get Allison’s attention and started to read.
Greg,
You’re my drug, my addiction. I’m addicted to you the same way you’re addicted to your Vicodin but this addiction is healthier than yours, although, I’m starting to have my doubts about it. I wish you could change the Vicodin for this same addiction I feel for you. I need a daily dose of you every day. Being next to you for the last 4 years was not enough to stop my craving for you, I wanted more. I wanted you morning, evening and night, all day long. At home, at the hospital, at the street. When I started to work at ER, a glimpse of you was enough to make me my day but now, I need you by my side.
With this letter, I want to show you how much you mean to me. The day we met in my interview is still very vivid in my memories, you brought me back to life that day. I thought after the death of my husband, I would never be able to love again, I was too damaged. I was wrong, very, very wrong. Despite having the image of my husband in my brain as a reminder until the day I die, you captivated me in a way that it is impossible to explain, you awoke in me feelings I’ve never experienced before, not even with Joe. I felt alive again, thank you!
It’s a fact that I’ve changed even though you still have that false image of me. I’m not looking for perfection, Greg. You only have to take a look at the outcome of what you thought it was perfect in your view. I became a widow at 25 and at 30, I’m incapable of developing a successful love relationship with whom you may classify as a Prince Charming because I have you engraved in my heart and soul. My love for you is that deep that I cannot love anybody else. I went to “rehab” by giving a try with Chase but it turned out that your face was not able to be erased from my brain and I wasn’t able to love Chase the way I love you. I know, you can’t always get what you want, but if you try some time, you get what we need. We have never tried. It’s a pity, we would have made a great couple, I have the feeling that both of us get each other. We have something that connects us. Why is it so difficult to you? Do you think that you do not deserve to be loved? I do not wanna change you, Greg House. I do not wanna make you nicer or turn you into a perfect gentleman. You are who you are and if you changed a bit, you wouldn’t be the man I felt in love with. There is something in me that tells me there is another Greg House under that cold façade you have, I would really like that one day you grant me that chance to uncover it for me so I can know it. In our terrible date, you said you were twice my age, I can’t believe you said that, you, from all the people who do not care what the others would say. Yes, I’m younger than you, so what? Age is just a damn number, what really matters is the soul and gosh, you’re a very young and rebellious soul. I love it! I don’t wanna fix you, even thought, I’d like to fix your pain, it really breaks my heart seeing you suffering, that’s the only thing I’d do and I guess you’d allow me to do it. I wanna love you, I want you to feel loved, happy, in peace. I could grant you happiness. Let me remind you, I’m not Stacey, I would never ever hurt you.
Some people would have abandoned you after all the crazy things you’ve done, after all the terrible things you’ve said, all the tears you’ve made me shed and all the hurt you caused me but I’m a good soul and very stubborn. I have never lost my faith in you, Greg. People have a vision of you that it is most of the times negative, they call you: jerk, rude, egocentric, misanthropic, acerbic and plenty other stuff but nobody has ever stopped and contemplated your good side. I have. Life has punished you plenty of times, that’s why that side is more hidden but this hidden side made me close to you. You’re intelligent, a genius, honest, very sexy, attractive, perfectionist, funny, stubborn, loyal, a fighter with a pair of amazing and sparkling blue eyes that bewitched me. You’ve made me a stronger person, a better doctor, you’ve made me grow as a person, you’ve made me love you more and more every single day by your actions, a smile, a little touch, your words, our little special moments we had.
I don’t want a cure for this addiction, I want a cure for this heart ache I have and I think that you’re the only one who can do that. I guess I have a point in favor considering that you’re one of the best diagnosticians in the world. Cure me, Dr. House! Let me love you, let me show you how worthy you are. Even damage people deserve it.
I know you may never read this letter but even one day I’ll wake up and say, let’s try a life without Greg, I just want to say that I loved you, I love you and I always will. I’ll be waiting for you
Allison