Countdown to Alyssa Milano
I just read over that last message and the one before it and realized how schizophrenic they looked next to each other.
How can I rationalize being happy to go home and tired of bizarre shit here when I'm dreading going back to America?
The things in Japan I want to get away from the most are my location and my job. Put me in Tokyo, put me in Osaka, Nagoya, Toyota, Hiroshima, Naha, Sapporo, Kyoto, put me in an urban setting where shit can HAPPEN and I'd be happy as a clam.
That's one reason I can go back and forth like that.
Another reason is that here I'm foreign. Here I feel a kind of freedom I never experienced at home. Maybe it's just because now I'm a different person than I was then. Now I'm not a guy who's going to just work until he can't see straight when he gets confused about what to do next. I'm not going to shrug my shoulders and get in with the rat race and tell myself I feel good about it. Maybe it's because I'm different now, but here people don't try to look in and see what you're doing as much as they do at home. It's paranoid and I can't give any concrete examples of this, but I feel like in the States everyone feels like they have a say in what the next guy is doing. Here I'm hard to understand and it's too much of a pain in the ass to bother with what I'm doing. Maybe it's internal to me- maybe it's easier for me to disconnect from others here.
It's just an impression I have. I can't substantiate it. Maybe it's the flavor of the news you get at home that makes me feel like this.
It's just an impression.
I feel uneasy.
I've probably contradicted myself a few times just in this entry, but I'm not going to go back and try to make everything gibe.
In the end, yeah, I'm going back to the States for awhile. What happens next I'll decide there.
Alyssa Milano is on TV in about an hour. Can't miss that.
How can I rationalize being happy to go home and tired of bizarre shit here when I'm dreading going back to America?
The things in Japan I want to get away from the most are my location and my job. Put me in Tokyo, put me in Osaka, Nagoya, Toyota, Hiroshima, Naha, Sapporo, Kyoto, put me in an urban setting where shit can HAPPEN and I'd be happy as a clam.
That's one reason I can go back and forth like that.
Another reason is that here I'm foreign. Here I feel a kind of freedom I never experienced at home. Maybe it's just because now I'm a different person than I was then. Now I'm not a guy who's going to just work until he can't see straight when he gets confused about what to do next. I'm not going to shrug my shoulders and get in with the rat race and tell myself I feel good about it. Maybe it's because I'm different now, but here people don't try to look in and see what you're doing as much as they do at home. It's paranoid and I can't give any concrete examples of this, but I feel like in the States everyone feels like they have a say in what the next guy is doing. Here I'm hard to understand and it's too much of a pain in the ass to bother with what I'm doing. Maybe it's internal to me- maybe it's easier for me to disconnect from others here.
It's just an impression I have. I can't substantiate it. Maybe it's the flavor of the news you get at home that makes me feel like this.
It's just an impression.
I feel uneasy.
I've probably contradicted myself a few times just in this entry, but I'm not going to go back and try to make everything gibe.
In the end, yeah, I'm going back to the States for awhile. What happens next I'll decide there.
Alyssa Milano is on TV in about an hour. Can't miss that.