the pursuit of......
JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH PLEASE SAVE ME FROM JUMPING OVER MY FENCE AND SENDING THESE TWO NEIGHBOR BOYS FLYING WITH MY KUNG FOO. I SERIOUSLY WANT TO JUST SCREAM "SHUT THE FUUUUUUCK UP" REALLY LOUDLY SO THEY WILL STOP CRYING AND STOP FIGHTING AND JUST RESTORE PEACE TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD LIKE IT USED TO BE.
my poor old dog is even barking at them to get them to shut up. too bad she's not an attack dog.
anyway so today marks the last few hours of my weekend. that makes no sense. but i don't need to point that out, you can figure it out for yourself.
(holy shit i seriously want to SMACK these kids. hold me back hold me back hold me baaaack)
anywho i returned from the grandparent's cabin where i spent about 2.5 days with no one my age. the closest person to it being my mom. which is saad. i spent the days relaxing, reading (started and finished "the colossus of new york" by colson whitehead which is wonderful), enjoyed the black hills and the beautiful canyon. those were the upsides.
the downside: continued frustration with my well-meaning but very off-base and out of touch grandmother. okay, i love her, because she has done so much for my family, and like i said, she means well.... however, she and i are probably the most polar opposites you could come up with (even more than my mom and her). she was a proper 50s housewife, served her husband, housekept, etc and thinks things should still be that way. so, she kills us with kindness trying to control every part of our lives when we're there, from how to fold our t-shirts to how to make killer pie to how to please your husband by quietly suggesting he get off his ass and do something for once. usually, mom and her get into tiffs over things like this, because my mom is over 50 and frankly has things figured out. grandma can't get it through her head. so most of the time, i sit back, roll my eyes and just listen.
however this weekend, g-ma decided to wreak havoc on my peace of mind. reading peacefully on the sun porch, i was nearly asleep when g rolls in there and asks "so, what IS your major, exactly? i always blank on it when i tell my friends." to which i answer, "studio art and american studies." no sooner had the words exited my mouth when she fired back with the response i most dread: "ohh. well. what are you going to do with THAT?" and i said "i have absolutely no idea" (my traditional response for this offensive question). grandma then goes off, in her poised manner, about how her friend's grandkid knew exactly what he wanted to do and now works with mechanical engineering, and lives in rock springs! (BARF and a half) and well, i always told your mom that she should consider education as a backup, and you should too! you know, the most important thing is to major in something that will make you MONEY...etc. she goes on for about 5 minutes and finally i just said "you know, that's all well and good, but i think i prefer to do something that makes me HAPPY...and if good money comes with it, it's an added bonus." i couldn't believe her antiquated way of thinking and the manner in which she passive-aggressively told me my majors are dead end. what the hell does she know?
i was seriously very upset by this at the time, because it struck a nerve. i am trying so hard to figure out what i want to do, and it's terrifying me. is it too romantic for me to believe i'm going to find something that fills my passions and drives me to get up early each morning, but that will make me financially comfortable...is it too old-fashioned and dreamlike to want that? or should i conform to what actually runs the world..the pursuit of money. the pursuit of happiness is pretty much the same thing, i think.
i don't know. i think i'm frustrated. being at home is beginning to wear on me. i miss my friends and i miss certain people and i just need a break from all of this. the split worlds are beginning to wear on me and i guess i'm frustrated about not knowing exactly where i belong.
it would be fun to visit mn this summer...but who has that kind of money.
my poor old dog is even barking at them to get them to shut up. too bad she's not an attack dog.
anyway so today marks the last few hours of my weekend. that makes no sense. but i don't need to point that out, you can figure it out for yourself.
(holy shit i seriously want to SMACK these kids. hold me back hold me back hold me baaaack)
anywho i returned from the grandparent's cabin where i spent about 2.5 days with no one my age. the closest person to it being my mom. which is saad. i spent the days relaxing, reading (started and finished "the colossus of new york" by colson whitehead which is wonderful), enjoyed the black hills and the beautiful canyon. those were the upsides.
the downside: continued frustration with my well-meaning but very off-base and out of touch grandmother. okay, i love her, because she has done so much for my family, and like i said, she means well.... however, she and i are probably the most polar opposites you could come up with (even more than my mom and her). she was a proper 50s housewife, served her husband, housekept, etc and thinks things should still be that way. so, she kills us with kindness trying to control every part of our lives when we're there, from how to fold our t-shirts to how to make killer pie to how to please your husband by quietly suggesting he get off his ass and do something for once. usually, mom and her get into tiffs over things like this, because my mom is over 50 and frankly has things figured out. grandma can't get it through her head. so most of the time, i sit back, roll my eyes and just listen.
however this weekend, g-ma decided to wreak havoc on my peace of mind. reading peacefully on the sun porch, i was nearly asleep when g rolls in there and asks "so, what IS your major, exactly? i always blank on it when i tell my friends." to which i answer, "studio art and american studies." no sooner had the words exited my mouth when she fired back with the response i most dread: "ohh. well. what are you going to do with THAT?" and i said "i have absolutely no idea" (my traditional response for this offensive question). grandma then goes off, in her poised manner, about how her friend's grandkid knew exactly what he wanted to do and now works with mechanical engineering, and lives in rock springs! (BARF and a half) and well, i always told your mom that she should consider education as a backup, and you should too! you know, the most important thing is to major in something that will make you MONEY...etc. she goes on for about 5 minutes and finally i just said "you know, that's all well and good, but i think i prefer to do something that makes me HAPPY...and if good money comes with it, it's an added bonus." i couldn't believe her antiquated way of thinking and the manner in which she passive-aggressively told me my majors are dead end. what the hell does she know?
i was seriously very upset by this at the time, because it struck a nerve. i am trying so hard to figure out what i want to do, and it's terrifying me. is it too romantic for me to believe i'm going to find something that fills my passions and drives me to get up early each morning, but that will make me financially comfortable...is it too old-fashioned and dreamlike to want that? or should i conform to what actually runs the world..the pursuit of money. the pursuit of happiness is pretty much the same thing, i think.
i don't know. i think i'm frustrated. being at home is beginning to wear on me. i miss my friends and i miss certain people and i just need a break from all of this. the split worlds are beginning to wear on me and i guess i'm frustrated about not knowing exactly where i belong.
it would be fun to visit mn this summer...but who has that kind of money.