let me go (poetry)
you cant erase memory. thats why we die & reborn & die.. otherwise it would be crowded hell. amnesia is anaesthetic. there is hope for new life when old one is rotten, poisoned &full of regret.
in my dream recently where I was in a room with you. I stood up but you didnt see me like I was some invisible numb shadow on the wall. & you went out to another room where there was crowd of people. you didnt invite me & closed the door. & I was there alone. I had to leave through other door to the street in tears with pain in my heart. but I'm used to be alone. I've always been an outsider. this is my destiny. I was born into this world where nobody was waiting for me or there was no space for me only 4 walls they called my room. want to go to the most lonely empty place with plenty of space, to my own desert.. inner Tibet, Gobi or Atacama where only me &sky &barren ground remain &no one cares what I do..where all disturbing confusing chatter of voices from outside dissapear. where there are no intruding greedy, rude, shallow people or petty idiots. to forget all & remember self. where I'm never separated from you. strange how some dreams seem more real than real life that is mostly mirage...like that dream that I saw few years ago when I was falling from a rock powerless & you caught my hand. I felt weak but knew I could trust you that you would take care of all, that you are strong & take responsibility. you held my hand tight. I was looking into your eyes & shaking from unexpressed intensive pain as if we were separated for so long.. I saw in your eyes that you recognized me too, that you knew what I felt. later I gave all my faith, inspiration & prayers away & nobody came to give me helping hand to save from falling down like a tree that has no roots in the ground...nobody was there to explain & answer my questions: why I am here, what I should do, where I must go, what is truth & what is lie...dreams dreams..maybe they are the most precious of all what I have. there are no other posessions. nothing belong to me. just few moments of longing, hope &despair when memory shell is breaking apart revealing smth. that may taste like ocean of tears of all people, animals, creatures that have ever dwelled on this planet. & I go into this water &wash myself, wash away my memory &become this water, disappear, evaporate, fall like rain on naked thirsty desert soil or my burnt unfertile soul. become pure again. no more memory. it was all a dream. & life has to move on, flow, change into smth. else..
in my dream recently where I was in a room with you. I stood up but you didnt see me like I was some invisible numb shadow on the wall. & you went out to another room where there was crowd of people. you didnt invite me & closed the door. & I was there alone. I had to leave through other door to the street in tears with pain in my heart. but I'm used to be alone. I've always been an outsider. this is my destiny. I was born into this world where nobody was waiting for me or there was no space for me only 4 walls they called my room. want to go to the most lonely empty place with plenty of space, to my own desert.. inner Tibet, Gobi or Atacama where only me &sky &barren ground remain &no one cares what I do..where all disturbing confusing chatter of voices from outside dissapear. where there are no intruding greedy, rude, shallow people or petty idiots. to forget all & remember self. where I'm never separated from you. strange how some dreams seem more real than real life that is mostly mirage...like that dream that I saw few years ago when I was falling from a rock powerless & you caught my hand. I felt weak but knew I could trust you that you would take care of all, that you are strong & take responsibility. you held my hand tight. I was looking into your eyes & shaking from unexpressed intensive pain as if we were separated for so long.. I saw in your eyes that you recognized me too, that you knew what I felt. later I gave all my faith, inspiration & prayers away & nobody came to give me helping hand to save from falling down like a tree that has no roots in the ground...nobody was there to explain & answer my questions: why I am here, what I should do, where I must go, what is truth & what is lie...dreams dreams..maybe they are the most precious of all what I have. there are no other posessions. nothing belong to me. just few moments of longing, hope &despair when memory shell is breaking apart revealing smth. that may taste like ocean of tears of all people, animals, creatures that have ever dwelled on this planet. & I go into this water &wash myself, wash away my memory &become this water, disappear, evaporate, fall like rain on naked thirsty desert soil or my burnt unfertile soul. become pure again. no more memory. it was all a dream. & life has to move on, flow, change into smth. else..