(no subject)
this summer is flying by and what do i have to show for it? not much.
i guess when you get older its one of those things. you still have to work. you still have to pay the bills. how can i even enjoy it? i miss adventures. i miss scabbed knees. i miss illinois. i miss the red house. i miss my family and i miss not giving a fuck.
i guess being sick for 2 weeks doesn't help too much.
i wish our lives could be different. i wish we could be 'born' when we are old and grow younger, smaller, until we are back in our mothers womb safe and sound. i wish we could go through the hard times, pains and sorrows of being old until they slowly become out of reach and we are young and being taken care of. how much would we appreciate it then?
how do people do things day to day and seem so complacent? i feel like when i am in one spot for more then a given amount of time i want to crack. break the fuck out of my skin and be somewhere else. what is it, what is that one thing, that makes a person completely complete? is it a partner? money? a good job? a child that you bare from your own blood? i am still trying to figure out what i need. i just want to not be a burden, or have to depend on anyone but myself. i don't want to be lonesome, ever, and i want to make someone happy. i want someone to look at me with a look in their eye that no one else has ever seen before, because it was meant for only me.
i guess when you get older its one of those things. you still have to work. you still have to pay the bills. how can i even enjoy it? i miss adventures. i miss scabbed knees. i miss illinois. i miss the red house. i miss my family and i miss not giving a fuck.
i guess being sick for 2 weeks doesn't help too much.
i wish our lives could be different. i wish we could be 'born' when we are old and grow younger, smaller, until we are back in our mothers womb safe and sound. i wish we could go through the hard times, pains and sorrows of being old until they slowly become out of reach and we are young and being taken care of. how much would we appreciate it then?
how do people do things day to day and seem so complacent? i feel like when i am in one spot for more then a given amount of time i want to crack. break the fuck out of my skin and be somewhere else. what is it, what is that one thing, that makes a person completely complete? is it a partner? money? a good job? a child that you bare from your own blood? i am still trying to figure out what i need. i just want to not be a burden, or have to depend on anyone but myself. i don't want to be lonesome, ever, and i want to make someone happy. i want someone to look at me with a look in their eye that no one else has ever seen before, because it was meant for only me.