"Need"--Forever Knight for hearts_blood
Title: Need
Fandom: Forever Knight
Characters: Nick/Urs, Vachon, Tracy, Lacroix, Natalie
Word Count: 4899
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Forever Knight and its characters were created by Barney Cohen and J.D. Parriott and are copyright to Sony/Tristar. None of the characters in this story belong to me. I'm borrowing them-No infringement intended. No profit is being made.
Summary: Nick and Urs finally come to terms with what they need.
Prompt: Wait for me, I'm coming with you. I'm coming soon.
Author's Note: A special thanks to wendelah1 for beta-reading this story for me. I would also like to say I've never written a Nick/Urs story before, but I do like the pairing. I hope hearts_blood and everyone else enjoys it and thinks I did the pairing justice.
“Need”
She sat at the bar, watching as the blonde came in, searched the crowd, smiled, and went to meet him several seats away from her. It never failed. The perky blonde always came at the worst times. Even though she badly wanted to forget her pain for at least a short while tonight, Tracy Vetter’s presence and natural exuberance for life would not allow her to have any reprieve from the current emotions and torments swirling around in her mind…her discontent, her loneliness, her yearning.
Ever since she had been brought across, and even before then, she lived through the same cycle again and again. She would find someone to replace him, someone who would use her and then leave her. She had long ago given up on the hope that Vachon would claim any kind of role in her life, whether it was father, master, brother, or lover. It still amazed her that he hadn’t let the detective go, yet. She knew of, and sometimes felt, Vachon’s desire to run, to hide from his responsibility to the young detective, but he never went. She wondered why.
A possible answer walked through the club doors: Nick Knight, Tracy’s partner. When he had discovered Vachon’s involvement with Tracy, Nick told Vachon she was his responsibility, and the threat had been clear: If anything happened to Tracy, Vachon would have to answer to him and that probably meant death, if not by Nick, then by enforcers or the man coming out of the radio booth.
Lucien Lacroix.
For a short time when she had first come to Toronto, Urs had found herself drawn to the ancient master. She didn’t particularly like him, and she wasn’t quite sure she found him attractive. Instead, she found herself drawn to his power, to his guidance and influence over his fledglings. If only she had been so lucky in a master.
Urs continued to watch as Nick travelled down the stairs. His descent slowed as he noticed Tracy sitting with Vachon. She wondered what his decision would be tonight. Every so often, Nick would come into the Raven while Tracy was present. He would do one of two things: he would either leave or he would hide amongst the patrons until he got to a safe corner where he could wait until his partner left.
She couldn’t help the upturn of her lips as Nick paced himself with others that were coming to the main floor of the club. He made sure to always keep someone to the right of him so he would not be in direct eyesight of Tracy. Once he got to a pillar, he stopped and hid there for a little while. He chanced a peek and scowled as the bartender placed a drink before Tracy. It might be a while before she would leave.
Urs continued to watch as the former Crusader shook his head and looked around the club to determine the best way to solve his current dilemma. A battle plan was needed. He immediately looked toward his master but quickly averted his eyes when Lacroix turned in his direction. He continued to scour the room until his eyes met hers. Instead of looking away as she expected him to do, he smiled slightly and motioned his head toward Vachon.
She immediately jumped down from the bar stool, deciding to help him, and made her way to Vachon. She wrapped her hands around his bicep and whispered, “I need to talk to you.”
“Now?” questioned Vachon as he motioned towards Tracy.
“Yes, it’s important.”
She pulled Vachon away from the bar and Tracy’s eager ears. Despite her ears being denied company, her eyes followed them anyway. Undoubtedly, the detective didn’t like her interruption. Urs sighed as she realized Tracy probably thought of her as competition for Vachon’s attentions. She was so wrong. Being his fledgling made Urs repellent to him. Sure, he could tolerate some exposure to her-they even liked each other and considered the other a friend-but he had to get away eventually before any damage could be done. She knew that’s how he viewed their relationship. He couldn’t get too close or he would cause more pain. She supposed it was good he viewed things that way-he had caused enough damage.
When Urs was sure she was far enough away from Tracy’s ears, she turned to face Vachon and said, “Nick’s here. He wants you to get Tracy out of here.”
Vachon turned as if to look for Nick, but Urs pulled him back to her. “Don’t draw attention to him. He obviously needs to be here since he didn’t leave when he saw her. Maybe you could take her back to the church or her apartment.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Vachon sighed. “The church, it is. I just wish sometimes Knight would go ahead and tell Tracy the truth.”
At Urs’ raised eyebrows, Vachon sighed and said, “I know. She would be in too much danger. The more she knows the worse things could be.”
He walked away and whispered something in Tracy’s ear as she placed money on the bar. Then, they were gone. Urs watched their departure, noticing they left hand-in-hand.
“Thanks,” she heard someone say suddenly.
She turned her head toward the voice to see Nick standing in front of her.
“I really had a bad night, and I wanted…needed some of the real stuff,” he explained.
Urs nodded understandingly as she looked down at her shoes. She knew he was referring to his need to drink human blood instead of bovine tonight.
“Would you care to join me?”
Urs lifted her eyes in shock. This was the first time Nick had specifically asked her to sit and have a drink with him. At other times, he had merely come to the bar, ordered a drink, and found himself next to her coincidentally. They would exchange greetings and that would be it.
“Uh, s-sure,” she stammered.
Nick smiled and offered her his arm. She took it gracefully with a soft smile of her own as she looked back down at her shoes. He quickly led her to the bar and pulled out the stool for her to sit down.
=)=)=)
Nick could not believe the night he was having. It was one upsetting thing after another, and he honestly didn’t know how much more he could take. When he had arrived at the Raven to find Tracy sitting with Vachon, he had almost become unglued. “Can I not have a moment to forget myself, just once?” he had asked himself. Of course not, why did he even ask?
He slid the bar stool out for Urs and waited until she was seated to take the stool next to her. As soon as he was settled, he held up two fingers to the bartender. Immediately, the bartender came over and poured them a glass from Lacroix’s private stock.
Nick heard Urs hum after she took a small sip from the glass. “Good?” he inquired.
“Yes, very,” she said, finally meeting his gaze without any type of apprehension.
Nick took her friendly response as an indication that she was no longer in the timid mood she had been in just seconds prior. Just as he was about to joke with her about Tracy and Vachon, he changed his mind when Urs sighed and stared back down at the bar.
“So,” he said slowly to fill the awkward silence that suddenly embraced them and quickly took a sip of the bloodwine to buy himself some time to figure out what he was going to say. "You’ve had a rough night, as well, huh?” he asked, finally, and at the same time taking note that the blood he just consumed was exquisite.
It was donated by a young woman in her mid-thirties and she had everything he wished he could have: friends, family...people with whom he could talk and share his burdens. This woman never walked a day in her life without being able to talk to someone who truly knew her. The taste and her life was addictive.
When Nick had asked Urs about her night, he had asked to be polite and thank her for helping him with Tracy, but as he sat there and sipped more bloodwine, he realized he actually did want to talk to someone, someone who wasn't Natalie or Lacroix. Urs was more than a suitable replacement. She wasn't the type to lie, judge, or hurt others, and most importantly, she didn't have a reason to want to mold him into the perfect person...vampire...whatever.
In response to Nick's question, Urs asked, “Yeah, so what’s your story?”
Nick smiled in relief. Normally, he wouldn't want to talk about what was bothering him, but tonight was different and he wasn't sure why. Was it the night's events, the bloodwine, or simply Urs? Even Lacroix had mentioned Urs was an "innocent goddess." Just as he was about to spill, he stopped himself. She had a bad day, too, and even he had to admit she was gloomier than him sometimes. Maybe he should be the one to lend an ear first. “Why don’t you tell me your story, and then I’ll share mine?” he suggested. Silently, he told himself that hearing her story might loosen him up to share his and establish a degree of trust for the both of them.
Urs was still looking at the bar as she stated softly, “You don’t want to hear my story. I’m sure it’s nothing compared to the day you’ve had.”
Nick wrapped his hand around hers firmly and replied, “If I didn’t want to hear it, I wouldn’t have asked. Tell me.”
Nick’s eyes met hers as she turned to face him, and he tried to show her that he genuinely wanted to hear about her night’s woes by swinging his body in the bar stool to face her.
“Okay,” she said finally, “but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
=)=)=)
“I’m caught in a cycle that I can’t seem to break,” Urs announced.
Her eyes became glossy as she looked somewhere past Nick’s shoulder. “Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been trying to earn someone’s approval. My father never paid me any real attention, you see. When we were together, more often than not, he’d use me to endear other women to him. How a man with a blue-eyed, blonde-haired daughter could be anything but good and admirable never crossed their minds. He used them like he used me, and then he was gone. I just wanted him to love me, and he never told me he did, not even once.”
Urs glanced at the seductive dancing going on across the room and said, “I’m sure you can imagine what kind of life that desire led me to.” At Nick’s nod, she continued, “Men came and went. None ever stayed. Eventually, I decided to become an entertainer in random taverns. I got the attention I wanted and some that I didn’t.” She sighed softly.
“I came to realize I would never find what I was looking for. I felt unworthy and I wanted to die. That’s when I met Javier, and he made that wish impossible. I loathed him for so many years for keeping me in this misery…”
Urs was pulled out of the trance her story had put her in by the feel of Nick’s hand on her cheek.
When their eyes met, he asked, “And, what happened today that added to this misery?”
“Javier,” she stated with a wave of her hand toward the seats Tracy and he had been occupying. “It still gets to me sometimes. I know my problem. I know more about myself than I did when Javier brought me across and I no longer want to die, but in a lot of ways, that knowledge hasn’t changed a lot. Despite my acceptance of what I am, I still yearn for someone to approve of me.”
Nick’s hand had not left her cheek and his thumb was brushing lightly against her temple. “And, you feel as though Vachon does not approve of you,” whispered Nick as he turned slightly in his seat to look directly behind him.
She leaned over to her right to see who or what had grabbed his attention and saw Lacroix in the distance. At that very moment, she knew Nick understood from personal experience and that she could truly share her burden with him.
Each turned back to the bar slowly, and Nick replaced his hand on hers.
“It’s not that I believe he disapproves of me,” she continued. “He just reminds me of my father in some ways. He simply doesn’t take the time to notice me. He doesn’t want the responsibility of having a fledgling, just like my father didn’t want the responsibility of having a child.
Tonight, I’m not quite sure how I feel towards him. I’ve watched him become a better friend, a better person in general ever since you made him responsible for Tracy.”
Nick squeezed her hand sympathetically. He must have realized where this conversation was going.
“I wasn’t enough to inspire him to be responsible. We still have the same relationship, even though I will admit it has gotten slightly better: He listens every once in a while when I’m overly distraught, and he did try to help with that whole Monica business. But I suppose I have you to thank for that.
I watched him tonight with Tracy before you came in and I felt that same ache I’ve always felt, but it almost seemed ten times worse because Javier is supposed to guide me, be a friend, a father, a master…and he can’t seem to do that for me, but he can with her.”
Blood tears dropped down Urs’ face and before she could even make a move to pull her hand away from Nick’s to wipe her face, he was off his bar stool and pulling her into a fierce hug. She muttered against his shoulder, “And, it’s not like I want him romantically. I just want him to accept me and show a little interest. Is that so hard? Is it wrong for me to want that from him?”
=)=)=)
Nick ran one hand down Urs’ back and one into her hair as he comforted her and held her close. Her story had moved him into action. He felt humbled by the fact that Urs had been so open and honest with him. He knew she had just shared a burden with him that she had not told many others. He wanted to help her.
“No, it’s not wrong for you to want that, Urs. I’ve found myself wanting the same thing at times,” he replied.
Urs pulled away from his shoulder. “We’re never going to find it, are we?”
Nick held his jaw firmly before answering confidently, “We will, and even if we don’t find it in others, we can find it within ourselves.”
Urs smiled as though she didn’t truly believe it but simply felt like indulging him.
“We will,” Nick repeated.
Urs nodded and changed the conversation. “Okay, I spilled. So, now, it’s your turn.”
Nick huffed as he thought about how to begin. Urs had given a little background to help him understand the situation, so he would do the same for her.
“When I first met Nat…” he paused to meet Urs’ gaze. “Dr. Lambert,” he clarified.
“When I first met her, I was at the end of my rope. Not only was I still running from Lacroix, I was also convinced that my, what Lacroix would call, ‘dalliances’ with mortals were pointless. For many years I had sought the services of numerous human doctors to help me with my curse…”
He paused as he remembered he was telling his story to a vampire. When he focused on her expression, he saw that she showed no signs of anger or agitation at his having called vampirism a curse. “Of course, she wouldn’t be angry,” he told himself. Her story basically just told him she hadn’t wanted to become a vampire in the first place. She probably called their affliction a curse from time to time herself, so he resumed speaking.
“I started believing I would never find a cure. I was at the point of finally accepting my fate, even though it didn’t bring the peace Lacroix always claimed it would. Instead, I became more determined to use my abilities for the greater good. If I couldn’t redeem myself physically, I decided I would continue to strive to redeem my soul.”
“Do you think it’s possible?” Urs inquired, interrupting him.
Nick tilted his head, looked upward, and asked, “What? That I’ll be able to redeem my soul?”
After a few moments of sitting there quietly, he shrugged sadly as he looked down at the bar again. “I don’t know, but at the time, it seemed like a greater possibility than achieving mortality. I wanted so desperately to atone for all the sins I had committed throughout my life…I still do. With the possibility of humanity off the table, I knew I could only atone through my actions. That’s when I met her.
“I woke up in the morgue after being tossed a pipe bomb. She was about to perform an autopsy on me.”
He heard Urs gasp.
“Yeah, I know,” he chuckled, “but she didn’t scream when I woke up and jumped off her table. Oh, she was shocked, fascinated…but she wasn’t scared. Instead of running, she touched me in more ways than one.”
“’More ways than one,’ huh?” he heard Urs ask with a playfully seductive and teasing timbre.
When he looked at her, he noticed the soft upturn of her rose-colored lips and stared at them for several seconds, immediately forgetting what was to be his witty, comical reply. For a moment, he struggled to remember what he had been saying.
“Uh, yeah, uh…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to clear his thoughts. He knew he had to get back on track with his tale or he would make complete fool of himself. When he reopened his eyes, he noticed Urs seemed a little surprised and he wasn’t quite sure why.
Resuming his story, he stated, “She didn’t do it that very night, but over a short period of time, she gave me back my hope. She seemed so determined and sure that she could help me regain my mortality, and I could not help but believe.”
“And, now you’re unsure again?”
Nick shook his head. “Honestly, Urs, I don’t know if I’ll regain my mortality or soul, but I’m pretty sure Dr. Lambert won’t be there if and when it occurs.”
Before Urs could even get out a reply, he knew she immediately realized where his story was going, at least partially. When he said “Dr. Lambert” forcefully instead of “Nat,” he noticed that she immediately raised her eyebrow and frowned. By the time he ended his statement, she looked very concerned.
“Why do you say that?” she asked as she leaned forward and closer toward him.
Nick knew she probably heard the rumors about him and Natalie. Everyone, humans and vampires alike, thought they were more than friends. He had even begun to believe it himself…until tonight.
“I told her over a year ago that I loved her. Because of a deal I made with Lacroix centuries ago, we could not openly seek a relationship with each other or he would kill her.”
“Is Doctor Lambert aware of this?”
Nick looked around the club to spot Lacroix. When he saw him at the other side of the cavernous room, he sighed and continued.
“No, I never told her. I didn’t think it would be right to tell and worry her needlessly. I will never let Lacroix hurt her, so I had to take most of her memories of that night away. Lacroix confronted me about my feelings for her, and I had to convince him that I didn’t love her. I knew I would have to be more cautious with my actions and aware of who could be watching us. But…that doesn’t matter anymore.”
Nick remembered the look on Nat’s face as he walked into the lab and found her kissing Sean McCabe, one of the new day shift coroners…
He knew she was embarrassed, and he even saw the flash of guilt that briefly crossed her face. It was more than he could handle.
Nick turned around and walked straight into Tracy who had followed him into the room. “Nick,” gasped Tracy as she realized what they walked in on. She placed a comforting hand on his arm, but he shook his head at her and walked into the hallway to leave.
“Nick!” he heard Nat call as he left the room.
He kept walking. He didn’t want to hear what she had to say. Her actions felt like a betrayal and he didn’t want to hear her justifications just yet.
Despite this, he stopped abruptly and turned to face her when he felt Nat grab his arm.
“Nick, I…I…” she stammered.
Nick waited for a few seconds and then turned away again to leave.
“Don’t just walk away,” pleaded Nat, finally able to get something out.
Nick turned back and asked, “What else do you expect me to do?”
“Listen to me!”
Nick met her gaze and stood there, waiting to hear whatever she had to say.
She took several deep breaths and finally explained her actions. “Nick, we’ve been dancing around our relationship for years. Sometimes I feel as though we could have a relationship, but at other times, I feel like I hardly know you or that you love me.”
Nick closed his eyes so she couldn’t see the pain there.
“I never meant to hurt you. I intended to tell you.”
Nick opened his eyes. He knew they were tinged with gold, but he couldn’t control that right now. “When?” he asked.
“Soon,” she answered with a shake of her head; “I’m not saying Sean and I are getting married or anything. We’re not even really together. We’ve only been on a couple of dates, but he’s my chance, Nick. As much as I love you…and I do…Sean could possibly give me a normal mortal life. I have to be sure of what I want, so I have to pursue this. Please tell me you understand.”
Nick turned away and a blood tear rolled down his cheek. “I understand, Nat. I do. You’re a mortal, and he’s a mortal. He can give you things I can’t. I know that, and I can’t blame you for wanting those things.”
He walked away, hearing her continue to call his name.
=)=)=)
Urs gripped Nick’s hand tighter as he finished recounting his interaction with Dr. Lambert. “So, you came here to drown your sorrows in a bottle of bloodwine.”
Nick flashed a sad grin as the bartender refilled his glass. “Better that than something living.”
“I suppose,” she admitted, allowing the bartender to refill her glass.
Still holding Nick’s hand, Urs looked around the room at the dancers on the floor. After several minutes of comfortable silence and drinking, Urs chuckled. “We make quite a pair, Nick.”
“How so?” he asked, lifting his gaze from his empty wineglass.
“We have lived far longer than any mortal in this room, and yet, they have life figured out better than we do.”
At his questioning look, Urs explained, “Look at them! Their lives aren’t better than ours. They have just as many problems as we do, just different kinds of problems.”
“What’s your point?”
“They look happy despite their troubles. What can we learn from them?”
Nick shrugged. “When life knocks you down, get drunk, dance madly for hours with strangers, and go home with one of them?” he quipped.
Urs smiled a little and replied, “No, but I do think their reason for coming to clubs can help us.”
Nick stared at her for a few moments with a look of curiosity and interest. “How so?”
“They haven’t found the person that fills their void-whatever that void might be-but they come here to possibly find him or her, and they have hope. We can surely adopt the same strategy.”
Nick chuckled and countered, “Oh, Urs, I have spent a lot of time hanging in barrooms, pursuing partners who were willing to entertain me for the daylight hours. It never brought a permanent solution, trust me.”
In response to his slight mirth, Urs smiled, as well. “So have I, but we have to keep looking. Isn’t that what the humans do?”
Nick’s smile widened into a full-fledged grin and whispered conspiratorially, “Okay, Urs, so who should be your first attempt tonight? If we are to try to find a permanent solution, undoubtedly our first tries should be with our own kind.”
“I quite agree,” Urs replied, swinging around to face everyone else in the room. “Let’s see…someone for me and someone for you.”
Nick started looking around the club, so she did, as well. Quickly, she found herself laughing with Nick at their sudden game. They pointed various vampires out to one another but always found a reason to dismiss the possibility. She wasn’t too serious about their activity until she settled her gaze, finally, on Nick. Out of all the men she had seen tonight, no one quite compared to the vampire before her.
He must have felt her watching him, because Nick suddenly turned to face her and she couldn’t resist-she kissed him.
The kiss was surprisingly soft. All the men she had kissed over the years had rough lips which quickly sought to devour hers. It was always about quenching the bloodlust, but this was different. Even though she had initiated the kiss, Nick quickly took over by firmly pressing and moving his smooth lips against hers in a slow but deliberate manner that nearly drove her crazy.
Urs knew this kiss was different for Nick, too, because she had seen him kiss others. He, too, would seize lips savagely in lust. She remembered a time when she had seen him cover another’s mouth completely and nick her lips so he could taste a brief sample of her blood before taking it fully. The encounter, or at least what she saw of it before they took it to a backroom, had been so violent and turbulent that she had wondered if he had lost control. But this kiss…this kiss was different. But, was that a good thing? Was the kiss different because there was no passion behind his actions? Maybe he felt sorry for her and didn’t want to stop her actions after everything they had shared tonight.
Urs pulled herself away and immediately looked down, unable to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry,” she whispered meekly, embarrassed that she kissed him and let herself read more into it than there was.
She slid from the bar and walked away.
=)=)=)
Nick watched her leave, confused by her sudden departure. The kiss hadn’t been expected, and he was shocked at his reaction, or should he say “lack thereof.” The vampire had stayed dormant. Normally, when he kissed a woman, especially a vampire, his desire wasn’t entirely focused on the woman but instead her blood. With Urs, he cared about the experience, his very human desires, and her pleasure. In the past, Natalie had been the only person he could kiss without the vampire visiting abruptly, but of course, he didn’t kiss her the way he had Urs. Except for the one time he hadn’t known better and believed he was human, he hadn’t dared.
Suddenly, he realized the vampire never rose with Natalie because he always made an effort to keep the vampire hidden. His kisses were brief with her, because he was more concerned with the vampire than her and the moment.
But with Urs…he didn’t have to do that. He didn’t have to hold back those desires, and he wasn’t. If the vampire showed up because of his relaxed state eventually, it would be welcomed not frowned upon. And, he had to admit, because of this moment-no, because of their entire interaction tonight-he wanted her. Both man and vampire desired to possess her and he didn’t want to fight it.
He continued to watch Urs walk away from him, realizing his opportunity to seize the moment was slipping away, but did she want him? She had to be walking away for a reason. He had felt her desire in the kiss: she wanted him as much as he wanted her. So, why was she running? Did she think he really wanted Natalie? Did she…did she believe she was falling back into her vicious cycle and he would be the next man to let her down?
He wasn’t. He wouldn’t let her down. He knew no matter what these actions might bring them, he already admired her for her strength and gentle nature-he already accepted her as she was. She wouldn’t even have to try to seek his approval, and he knew he simply had to make her see that. “Urs, wait!” he yelled, running toward her, not caring who was watching them or could hear him.
When Urs turned around, he was already standing behind her. His entire being focused on her and his resolve to not let this opportunity, this possibility, pass. He quickly pulled her into his arms and met her lips with his, and this kiss was not like the one they had earlier: Nick pressed his lips against hers firmly and sucked lightly on them before running his tongue across her bottom lip. Immediately, Urs opened her mouth to allow him entrance. His tongue dueled with hers for a moment before he ran it across her teeth and made sure to pay special attention to her incisors. He only pulled away when he finally heard her moan.
“Where are you going?” he asked as he brushed her cheek with his and continued to hold her.
“I thought I’d find a place to settle down for the day,” she panted.
Nick pulled back, grinned seductively, and threw all caution to the wind. If he wanted to see where this would lead, he had to lead them down that road now. “How about I come with you?” he whispered, as he leaned his forehead against hers; “Or better yet, how about you come with me to my place?”
Urs licked her lips and replied softly, “I think I’d like that.”
“Yeah, I think I would, too.”
THE END
Lyrics: So here I am with pockets full of good intentions But none of them will comfort me tonight I'm wide awake at 4 a.m. without a friend in sight I'm hanging on a hope but I'm all right ....I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world And fool enough to think that's what I'll find.
"I Know I Need To Be In Love" by The Carpenters
Fandom: Forever Knight
Characters: Nick/Urs, Vachon, Tracy, Lacroix, Natalie
Word Count: 4899
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Forever Knight and its characters were created by Barney Cohen and J.D. Parriott and are copyright to Sony/Tristar. None of the characters in this story belong to me. I'm borrowing them-No infringement intended. No profit is being made.
Summary: Nick and Urs finally come to terms with what they need.
Prompt: Wait for me, I'm coming with you. I'm coming soon.
Author's Note: A special thanks to wendelah1 for beta-reading this story for me. I would also like to say I've never written a Nick/Urs story before, but I do like the pairing. I hope hearts_blood and everyone else enjoys it and thinks I did the pairing justice.
“Need”
She sat at the bar, watching as the blonde came in, searched the crowd, smiled, and went to meet him several seats away from her. It never failed. The perky blonde always came at the worst times. Even though she badly wanted to forget her pain for at least a short while tonight, Tracy Vetter’s presence and natural exuberance for life would not allow her to have any reprieve from the current emotions and torments swirling around in her mind…her discontent, her loneliness, her yearning.
Ever since she had been brought across, and even before then, she lived through the same cycle again and again. She would find someone to replace him, someone who would use her and then leave her. She had long ago given up on the hope that Vachon would claim any kind of role in her life, whether it was father, master, brother, or lover. It still amazed her that he hadn’t let the detective go, yet. She knew of, and sometimes felt, Vachon’s desire to run, to hide from his responsibility to the young detective, but he never went. She wondered why.
A possible answer walked through the club doors: Nick Knight, Tracy’s partner. When he had discovered Vachon’s involvement with Tracy, Nick told Vachon she was his responsibility, and the threat had been clear: If anything happened to Tracy, Vachon would have to answer to him and that probably meant death, if not by Nick, then by enforcers or the man coming out of the radio booth.
Lucien Lacroix.
For a short time when she had first come to Toronto, Urs had found herself drawn to the ancient master. She didn’t particularly like him, and she wasn’t quite sure she found him attractive. Instead, she found herself drawn to his power, to his guidance and influence over his fledglings. If only she had been so lucky in a master.
Urs continued to watch as Nick travelled down the stairs. His descent slowed as he noticed Tracy sitting with Vachon. She wondered what his decision would be tonight. Every so often, Nick would come into the Raven while Tracy was present. He would do one of two things: he would either leave or he would hide amongst the patrons until he got to a safe corner where he could wait until his partner left.
She couldn’t help the upturn of her lips as Nick paced himself with others that were coming to the main floor of the club. He made sure to always keep someone to the right of him so he would not be in direct eyesight of Tracy. Once he got to a pillar, he stopped and hid there for a little while. He chanced a peek and scowled as the bartender placed a drink before Tracy. It might be a while before she would leave.
Urs continued to watch as the former Crusader shook his head and looked around the club to determine the best way to solve his current dilemma. A battle plan was needed. He immediately looked toward his master but quickly averted his eyes when Lacroix turned in his direction. He continued to scour the room until his eyes met hers. Instead of looking away as she expected him to do, he smiled slightly and motioned his head toward Vachon.
She immediately jumped down from the bar stool, deciding to help him, and made her way to Vachon. She wrapped her hands around his bicep and whispered, “I need to talk to you.”
“Now?” questioned Vachon as he motioned towards Tracy.
“Yes, it’s important.”
She pulled Vachon away from the bar and Tracy’s eager ears. Despite her ears being denied company, her eyes followed them anyway. Undoubtedly, the detective didn’t like her interruption. Urs sighed as she realized Tracy probably thought of her as competition for Vachon’s attentions. She was so wrong. Being his fledgling made Urs repellent to him. Sure, he could tolerate some exposure to her-they even liked each other and considered the other a friend-but he had to get away eventually before any damage could be done. She knew that’s how he viewed their relationship. He couldn’t get too close or he would cause more pain. She supposed it was good he viewed things that way-he had caused enough damage.
When Urs was sure she was far enough away from Tracy’s ears, she turned to face Vachon and said, “Nick’s here. He wants you to get Tracy out of here.”
Vachon turned as if to look for Nick, but Urs pulled him back to her. “Don’t draw attention to him. He obviously needs to be here since he didn’t leave when he saw her. Maybe you could take her back to the church or her apartment.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Vachon sighed. “The church, it is. I just wish sometimes Knight would go ahead and tell Tracy the truth.”
At Urs’ raised eyebrows, Vachon sighed and said, “I know. She would be in too much danger. The more she knows the worse things could be.”
He walked away and whispered something in Tracy’s ear as she placed money on the bar. Then, they were gone. Urs watched their departure, noticing they left hand-in-hand.
“Thanks,” she heard someone say suddenly.
She turned her head toward the voice to see Nick standing in front of her.
“I really had a bad night, and I wanted…needed some of the real stuff,” he explained.
Urs nodded understandingly as she looked down at her shoes. She knew he was referring to his need to drink human blood instead of bovine tonight.
“Would you care to join me?”
Urs lifted her eyes in shock. This was the first time Nick had specifically asked her to sit and have a drink with him. At other times, he had merely come to the bar, ordered a drink, and found himself next to her coincidentally. They would exchange greetings and that would be it.
“Uh, s-sure,” she stammered.
Nick smiled and offered her his arm. She took it gracefully with a soft smile of her own as she looked back down at her shoes. He quickly led her to the bar and pulled out the stool for her to sit down.
=)=)=)
Nick could not believe the night he was having. It was one upsetting thing after another, and he honestly didn’t know how much more he could take. When he had arrived at the Raven to find Tracy sitting with Vachon, he had almost become unglued. “Can I not have a moment to forget myself, just once?” he had asked himself. Of course not, why did he even ask?
He slid the bar stool out for Urs and waited until she was seated to take the stool next to her. As soon as he was settled, he held up two fingers to the bartender. Immediately, the bartender came over and poured them a glass from Lacroix’s private stock.
Nick heard Urs hum after she took a small sip from the glass. “Good?” he inquired.
“Yes, very,” she said, finally meeting his gaze without any type of apprehension.
Nick took her friendly response as an indication that she was no longer in the timid mood she had been in just seconds prior. Just as he was about to joke with her about Tracy and Vachon, he changed his mind when Urs sighed and stared back down at the bar.
“So,” he said slowly to fill the awkward silence that suddenly embraced them and quickly took a sip of the bloodwine to buy himself some time to figure out what he was going to say. "You’ve had a rough night, as well, huh?” he asked, finally, and at the same time taking note that the blood he just consumed was exquisite.
It was donated by a young woman in her mid-thirties and she had everything he wished he could have: friends, family...people with whom he could talk and share his burdens. This woman never walked a day in her life without being able to talk to someone who truly knew her. The taste and her life was addictive.
When Nick had asked Urs about her night, he had asked to be polite and thank her for helping him with Tracy, but as he sat there and sipped more bloodwine, he realized he actually did want to talk to someone, someone who wasn't Natalie or Lacroix. Urs was more than a suitable replacement. She wasn't the type to lie, judge, or hurt others, and most importantly, she didn't have a reason to want to mold him into the perfect person...vampire...whatever.
In response to Nick's question, Urs asked, “Yeah, so what’s your story?”
Nick smiled in relief. Normally, he wouldn't want to talk about what was bothering him, but tonight was different and he wasn't sure why. Was it the night's events, the bloodwine, or simply Urs? Even Lacroix had mentioned Urs was an "innocent goddess." Just as he was about to spill, he stopped himself. She had a bad day, too, and even he had to admit she was gloomier than him sometimes. Maybe he should be the one to lend an ear first. “Why don’t you tell me your story, and then I’ll share mine?” he suggested. Silently, he told himself that hearing her story might loosen him up to share his and establish a degree of trust for the both of them.
Urs was still looking at the bar as she stated softly, “You don’t want to hear my story. I’m sure it’s nothing compared to the day you’ve had.”
Nick wrapped his hand around hers firmly and replied, “If I didn’t want to hear it, I wouldn’t have asked. Tell me.”
Nick’s eyes met hers as she turned to face him, and he tried to show her that he genuinely wanted to hear about her night’s woes by swinging his body in the bar stool to face her.
“Okay,” she said finally, “but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
=)=)=)
“I’m caught in a cycle that I can’t seem to break,” Urs announced.
Her eyes became glossy as she looked somewhere past Nick’s shoulder. “Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been trying to earn someone’s approval. My father never paid me any real attention, you see. When we were together, more often than not, he’d use me to endear other women to him. How a man with a blue-eyed, blonde-haired daughter could be anything but good and admirable never crossed their minds. He used them like he used me, and then he was gone. I just wanted him to love me, and he never told me he did, not even once.”
Urs glanced at the seductive dancing going on across the room and said, “I’m sure you can imagine what kind of life that desire led me to.” At Nick’s nod, she continued, “Men came and went. None ever stayed. Eventually, I decided to become an entertainer in random taverns. I got the attention I wanted and some that I didn’t.” She sighed softly.
“I came to realize I would never find what I was looking for. I felt unworthy and I wanted to die. That’s when I met Javier, and he made that wish impossible. I loathed him for so many years for keeping me in this misery…”
Urs was pulled out of the trance her story had put her in by the feel of Nick’s hand on her cheek.
When their eyes met, he asked, “And, what happened today that added to this misery?”
“Javier,” she stated with a wave of her hand toward the seats Tracy and he had been occupying. “It still gets to me sometimes. I know my problem. I know more about myself than I did when Javier brought me across and I no longer want to die, but in a lot of ways, that knowledge hasn’t changed a lot. Despite my acceptance of what I am, I still yearn for someone to approve of me.”
Nick’s hand had not left her cheek and his thumb was brushing lightly against her temple. “And, you feel as though Vachon does not approve of you,” whispered Nick as he turned slightly in his seat to look directly behind him.
She leaned over to her right to see who or what had grabbed his attention and saw Lacroix in the distance. At that very moment, she knew Nick understood from personal experience and that she could truly share her burden with him.
Each turned back to the bar slowly, and Nick replaced his hand on hers.
“It’s not that I believe he disapproves of me,” she continued. “He just reminds me of my father in some ways. He simply doesn’t take the time to notice me. He doesn’t want the responsibility of having a fledgling, just like my father didn’t want the responsibility of having a child.
Tonight, I’m not quite sure how I feel towards him. I’ve watched him become a better friend, a better person in general ever since you made him responsible for Tracy.”
Nick squeezed her hand sympathetically. He must have realized where this conversation was going.
“I wasn’t enough to inspire him to be responsible. We still have the same relationship, even though I will admit it has gotten slightly better: He listens every once in a while when I’m overly distraught, and he did try to help with that whole Monica business. But I suppose I have you to thank for that.
I watched him tonight with Tracy before you came in and I felt that same ache I’ve always felt, but it almost seemed ten times worse because Javier is supposed to guide me, be a friend, a father, a master…and he can’t seem to do that for me, but he can with her.”
Blood tears dropped down Urs’ face and before she could even make a move to pull her hand away from Nick’s to wipe her face, he was off his bar stool and pulling her into a fierce hug. She muttered against his shoulder, “And, it’s not like I want him romantically. I just want him to accept me and show a little interest. Is that so hard? Is it wrong for me to want that from him?”
=)=)=)
Nick ran one hand down Urs’ back and one into her hair as he comforted her and held her close. Her story had moved him into action. He felt humbled by the fact that Urs had been so open and honest with him. He knew she had just shared a burden with him that she had not told many others. He wanted to help her.
“No, it’s not wrong for you to want that, Urs. I’ve found myself wanting the same thing at times,” he replied.
Urs pulled away from his shoulder. “We’re never going to find it, are we?”
Nick held his jaw firmly before answering confidently, “We will, and even if we don’t find it in others, we can find it within ourselves.”
Urs smiled as though she didn’t truly believe it but simply felt like indulging him.
“We will,” Nick repeated.
Urs nodded and changed the conversation. “Okay, I spilled. So, now, it’s your turn.”
Nick huffed as he thought about how to begin. Urs had given a little background to help him understand the situation, so he would do the same for her.
“When I first met Nat…” he paused to meet Urs’ gaze. “Dr. Lambert,” he clarified.
“When I first met her, I was at the end of my rope. Not only was I still running from Lacroix, I was also convinced that my, what Lacroix would call, ‘dalliances’ with mortals were pointless. For many years I had sought the services of numerous human doctors to help me with my curse…”
He paused as he remembered he was telling his story to a vampire. When he focused on her expression, he saw that she showed no signs of anger or agitation at his having called vampirism a curse. “Of course, she wouldn’t be angry,” he told himself. Her story basically just told him she hadn’t wanted to become a vampire in the first place. She probably called their affliction a curse from time to time herself, so he resumed speaking.
“I started believing I would never find a cure. I was at the point of finally accepting my fate, even though it didn’t bring the peace Lacroix always claimed it would. Instead, I became more determined to use my abilities for the greater good. If I couldn’t redeem myself physically, I decided I would continue to strive to redeem my soul.”
“Do you think it’s possible?” Urs inquired, interrupting him.
Nick tilted his head, looked upward, and asked, “What? That I’ll be able to redeem my soul?”
After a few moments of sitting there quietly, he shrugged sadly as he looked down at the bar again. “I don’t know, but at the time, it seemed like a greater possibility than achieving mortality. I wanted so desperately to atone for all the sins I had committed throughout my life…I still do. With the possibility of humanity off the table, I knew I could only atone through my actions. That’s when I met her.
“I woke up in the morgue after being tossed a pipe bomb. She was about to perform an autopsy on me.”
He heard Urs gasp.
“Yeah, I know,” he chuckled, “but she didn’t scream when I woke up and jumped off her table. Oh, she was shocked, fascinated…but she wasn’t scared. Instead of running, she touched me in more ways than one.”
“’More ways than one,’ huh?” he heard Urs ask with a playfully seductive and teasing timbre.
When he looked at her, he noticed the soft upturn of her rose-colored lips and stared at them for several seconds, immediately forgetting what was to be his witty, comical reply. For a moment, he struggled to remember what he had been saying.
“Uh, yeah, uh…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to clear his thoughts. He knew he had to get back on track with his tale or he would make complete fool of himself. When he reopened his eyes, he noticed Urs seemed a little surprised and he wasn’t quite sure why.
Resuming his story, he stated, “She didn’t do it that very night, but over a short period of time, she gave me back my hope. She seemed so determined and sure that she could help me regain my mortality, and I could not help but believe.”
“And, now you’re unsure again?”
Nick shook his head. “Honestly, Urs, I don’t know if I’ll regain my mortality or soul, but I’m pretty sure Dr. Lambert won’t be there if and when it occurs.”
Before Urs could even get out a reply, he knew she immediately realized where his story was going, at least partially. When he said “Dr. Lambert” forcefully instead of “Nat,” he noticed that she immediately raised her eyebrow and frowned. By the time he ended his statement, she looked very concerned.
“Why do you say that?” she asked as she leaned forward and closer toward him.
Nick knew she probably heard the rumors about him and Natalie. Everyone, humans and vampires alike, thought they were more than friends. He had even begun to believe it himself…until tonight.
“I told her over a year ago that I loved her. Because of a deal I made with Lacroix centuries ago, we could not openly seek a relationship with each other or he would kill her.”
“Is Doctor Lambert aware of this?”
Nick looked around the club to spot Lacroix. When he saw him at the other side of the cavernous room, he sighed and continued.
“No, I never told her. I didn’t think it would be right to tell and worry her needlessly. I will never let Lacroix hurt her, so I had to take most of her memories of that night away. Lacroix confronted me about my feelings for her, and I had to convince him that I didn’t love her. I knew I would have to be more cautious with my actions and aware of who could be watching us. But…that doesn’t matter anymore.”
Nick remembered the look on Nat’s face as he walked into the lab and found her kissing Sean McCabe, one of the new day shift coroners…
He knew she was embarrassed, and he even saw the flash of guilt that briefly crossed her face. It was more than he could handle.
Nick turned around and walked straight into Tracy who had followed him into the room. “Nick,” gasped Tracy as she realized what they walked in on. She placed a comforting hand on his arm, but he shook his head at her and walked into the hallway to leave.
“Nick!” he heard Nat call as he left the room.
He kept walking. He didn’t want to hear what she had to say. Her actions felt like a betrayal and he didn’t want to hear her justifications just yet.
Despite this, he stopped abruptly and turned to face her when he felt Nat grab his arm.
“Nick, I…I…” she stammered.
Nick waited for a few seconds and then turned away again to leave.
“Don’t just walk away,” pleaded Nat, finally able to get something out.
Nick turned back and asked, “What else do you expect me to do?”
“Listen to me!”
Nick met her gaze and stood there, waiting to hear whatever she had to say.
She took several deep breaths and finally explained her actions. “Nick, we’ve been dancing around our relationship for years. Sometimes I feel as though we could have a relationship, but at other times, I feel like I hardly know you or that you love me.”
Nick closed his eyes so she couldn’t see the pain there.
“I never meant to hurt you. I intended to tell you.”
Nick opened his eyes. He knew they were tinged with gold, but he couldn’t control that right now. “When?” he asked.
“Soon,” she answered with a shake of her head; “I’m not saying Sean and I are getting married or anything. We’re not even really together. We’ve only been on a couple of dates, but he’s my chance, Nick. As much as I love you…and I do…Sean could possibly give me a normal mortal life. I have to be sure of what I want, so I have to pursue this. Please tell me you understand.”
Nick turned away and a blood tear rolled down his cheek. “I understand, Nat. I do. You’re a mortal, and he’s a mortal. He can give you things I can’t. I know that, and I can’t blame you for wanting those things.”
He walked away, hearing her continue to call his name.
=)=)=)
Urs gripped Nick’s hand tighter as he finished recounting his interaction with Dr. Lambert. “So, you came here to drown your sorrows in a bottle of bloodwine.”
Nick flashed a sad grin as the bartender refilled his glass. “Better that than something living.”
“I suppose,” she admitted, allowing the bartender to refill her glass.
Still holding Nick’s hand, Urs looked around the room at the dancers on the floor. After several minutes of comfortable silence and drinking, Urs chuckled. “We make quite a pair, Nick.”
“How so?” he asked, lifting his gaze from his empty wineglass.
“We have lived far longer than any mortal in this room, and yet, they have life figured out better than we do.”
At his questioning look, Urs explained, “Look at them! Their lives aren’t better than ours. They have just as many problems as we do, just different kinds of problems.”
“What’s your point?”
“They look happy despite their troubles. What can we learn from them?”
Nick shrugged. “When life knocks you down, get drunk, dance madly for hours with strangers, and go home with one of them?” he quipped.
Urs smiled a little and replied, “No, but I do think their reason for coming to clubs can help us.”
Nick stared at her for a few moments with a look of curiosity and interest. “How so?”
“They haven’t found the person that fills their void-whatever that void might be-but they come here to possibly find him or her, and they have hope. We can surely adopt the same strategy.”
Nick chuckled and countered, “Oh, Urs, I have spent a lot of time hanging in barrooms, pursuing partners who were willing to entertain me for the daylight hours. It never brought a permanent solution, trust me.”
In response to his slight mirth, Urs smiled, as well. “So have I, but we have to keep looking. Isn’t that what the humans do?”
Nick’s smile widened into a full-fledged grin and whispered conspiratorially, “Okay, Urs, so who should be your first attempt tonight? If we are to try to find a permanent solution, undoubtedly our first tries should be with our own kind.”
“I quite agree,” Urs replied, swinging around to face everyone else in the room. “Let’s see…someone for me and someone for you.”
Nick started looking around the club, so she did, as well. Quickly, she found herself laughing with Nick at their sudden game. They pointed various vampires out to one another but always found a reason to dismiss the possibility. She wasn’t too serious about their activity until she settled her gaze, finally, on Nick. Out of all the men she had seen tonight, no one quite compared to the vampire before her.
He must have felt her watching him, because Nick suddenly turned to face her and she couldn’t resist-she kissed him.
The kiss was surprisingly soft. All the men she had kissed over the years had rough lips which quickly sought to devour hers. It was always about quenching the bloodlust, but this was different. Even though she had initiated the kiss, Nick quickly took over by firmly pressing and moving his smooth lips against hers in a slow but deliberate manner that nearly drove her crazy.
Urs knew this kiss was different for Nick, too, because she had seen him kiss others. He, too, would seize lips savagely in lust. She remembered a time when she had seen him cover another’s mouth completely and nick her lips so he could taste a brief sample of her blood before taking it fully. The encounter, or at least what she saw of it before they took it to a backroom, had been so violent and turbulent that she had wondered if he had lost control. But this kiss…this kiss was different. But, was that a good thing? Was the kiss different because there was no passion behind his actions? Maybe he felt sorry for her and didn’t want to stop her actions after everything they had shared tonight.
Urs pulled herself away and immediately looked down, unable to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry,” she whispered meekly, embarrassed that she kissed him and let herself read more into it than there was.
She slid from the bar and walked away.
=)=)=)
Nick watched her leave, confused by her sudden departure. The kiss hadn’t been expected, and he was shocked at his reaction, or should he say “lack thereof.” The vampire had stayed dormant. Normally, when he kissed a woman, especially a vampire, his desire wasn’t entirely focused on the woman but instead her blood. With Urs, he cared about the experience, his very human desires, and her pleasure. In the past, Natalie had been the only person he could kiss without the vampire visiting abruptly, but of course, he didn’t kiss her the way he had Urs. Except for the one time he hadn’t known better and believed he was human, he hadn’t dared.
Suddenly, he realized the vampire never rose with Natalie because he always made an effort to keep the vampire hidden. His kisses were brief with her, because he was more concerned with the vampire than her and the moment.
But with Urs…he didn’t have to do that. He didn’t have to hold back those desires, and he wasn’t. If the vampire showed up because of his relaxed state eventually, it would be welcomed not frowned upon. And, he had to admit, because of this moment-no, because of their entire interaction tonight-he wanted her. Both man and vampire desired to possess her and he didn’t want to fight it.
He continued to watch Urs walk away from him, realizing his opportunity to seize the moment was slipping away, but did she want him? She had to be walking away for a reason. He had felt her desire in the kiss: she wanted him as much as he wanted her. So, why was she running? Did she think he really wanted Natalie? Did she…did she believe she was falling back into her vicious cycle and he would be the next man to let her down?
He wasn’t. He wouldn’t let her down. He knew no matter what these actions might bring them, he already admired her for her strength and gentle nature-he already accepted her as she was. She wouldn’t even have to try to seek his approval, and he knew he simply had to make her see that. “Urs, wait!” he yelled, running toward her, not caring who was watching them or could hear him.
When Urs turned around, he was already standing behind her. His entire being focused on her and his resolve to not let this opportunity, this possibility, pass. He quickly pulled her into his arms and met her lips with his, and this kiss was not like the one they had earlier: Nick pressed his lips against hers firmly and sucked lightly on them before running his tongue across her bottom lip. Immediately, Urs opened her mouth to allow him entrance. His tongue dueled with hers for a moment before he ran it across her teeth and made sure to pay special attention to her incisors. He only pulled away when he finally heard her moan.
“Where are you going?” he asked as he brushed her cheek with his and continued to hold her.
“I thought I’d find a place to settle down for the day,” she panted.
Nick pulled back, grinned seductively, and threw all caution to the wind. If he wanted to see where this would lead, he had to lead them down that road now. “How about I come with you?” he whispered, as he leaned his forehead against hers; “Or better yet, how about you come with me to my place?”
Urs licked her lips and replied softly, “I think I’d like that.”
“Yeah, I think I would, too.”
THE END
Lyrics: So here I am with pockets full of good intentions But none of them will comfort me tonight I'm wide awake at 4 a.m. without a friend in sight I'm hanging on a hope but I'm all right ....I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world And fool enough to think that's what I'll find.
"I Know I Need To Be In Love" by The Carpenters