(no subject)
I went to the food pantry this week and got what turned out to be about a weeks worth of groceries. I made the peanut butter disappear in about 2 days, haven't had any since...February?. Sheesh. I really didn't want to lose weight as fast as I was, and was going through mom's supply of food that's been in the freezer/refrigerator pretty fast. And I don't have any tiny clothes to fit into. They are medium now for the first time in a long time. Size 14. my eventual goal is size 12, and it might be nice to be size 10. But at my age I don't know if it's good. It might be though.
I feel like my cousin Ellen is an inspiration to me, she lost hers and kept it off. For years. I do not ever want to make anyone gain weight like I think I did years ago, I think it was revenge against my aunt. I don't much care about her still, but it hurt my cousin too and that's bad. More behavior that is like spitting in the wind.
I really am grateful for the free food, it was really needed. In my head I start feeling like it's a bad thing, I did have a dream that it was "too pat" the answer too easy perhaps? The answer to my food needs? It seems like if anything, taking my mom's stuff without asking is too pat. But this week I really did look at it as "dipping into the till". But then I realized it is not as if I were much that she would actually have eaten, and she was not giving it away to anyone else. I had to keep cleaning out her dishes, sometimes they were so full of mold or whatever, they had to be thrown out, could not be washed. So I am only stealing from the trash can. Mostly. Sometimes I do overdo it.
She has stopped buying ice cream, so I am no longer adding unnecessary pounds that way. Maybe she knows it was disappearing too fast for it to have been her eating it. But just as well she is not getting it, because I don't think I could say no.
But not having a regular source of food or income just sucks. Maybe it is meant to be this way for now. I dunno.
I guess I had enough today. Not really enough fruit, usually, though. Someone at one of the meetings gave me some bell peppers from his garden. Some small eggplants too, though I don't care for them. I do eat them anyway, though.
K. gave me 5 bucks, which was a relief. I can get something to bring to the potluck, even if it's not anything great, or noticeable.
I noticed something saying bedbugs are repulsed by Brewers Yeast. I buy that every once in a while, wish I had it every year like I get vitamin C and E, etc. I try to make sure I always have some. Why don't I do what with the Brewers Yeast? :(
I feel like my cousin Ellen is an inspiration to me, she lost hers and kept it off. For years. I do not ever want to make anyone gain weight like I think I did years ago, I think it was revenge against my aunt. I don't much care about her still, but it hurt my cousin too and that's bad. More behavior that is like spitting in the wind.
I really am grateful for the free food, it was really needed. In my head I start feeling like it's a bad thing, I did have a dream that it was "too pat" the answer too easy perhaps? The answer to my food needs? It seems like if anything, taking my mom's stuff without asking is too pat. But this week I really did look at it as "dipping into the till". But then I realized it is not as if I were much that she would actually have eaten, and she was not giving it away to anyone else. I had to keep cleaning out her dishes, sometimes they were so full of mold or whatever, they had to be thrown out, could not be washed. So I am only stealing from the trash can. Mostly. Sometimes I do overdo it.
She has stopped buying ice cream, so I am no longer adding unnecessary pounds that way. Maybe she knows it was disappearing too fast for it to have been her eating it. But just as well she is not getting it, because I don't think I could say no.
But not having a regular source of food or income just sucks. Maybe it is meant to be this way for now. I dunno.
I guess I had enough today. Not really enough fruit, usually, though. Someone at one of the meetings gave me some bell peppers from his garden. Some small eggplants too, though I don't care for them. I do eat them anyway, though.
K. gave me 5 bucks, which was a relief. I can get something to bring to the potluck, even if it's not anything great, or noticeable.
I noticed something saying bedbugs are repulsed by Brewers Yeast. I buy that every once in a while, wish I had it every year like I get vitamin C and E, etc. I try to make sure I always have some. Why don't I do what with the Brewers Yeast? :(