Pennsylvania
Sitting at Sairuh's apartment. Its around 5ish and I'm not tired despite the handful of sleeping pills I've taken. I should've spent the extra dollar and purchased Tylenol PMs instead of generics.
Sairuh is asleep on the couch and is wanting to get up at 8am to go off on some kind of adventure. I'm not sure if she really wanted to go or if she were just doing it to keep me entertained, but nevertheless I doubt I will really feel like getting up. She says that she feels as though she has to keep me entertained. I'm not really here for that though. All I really want is to chill out and do nothing. I may leave off on my own for the next few days though to alleviate any stress I've put on her. I have tried to be nice and polite and inconspicuous and everything but I suppose it isn't enough.
We've done alot of talking and I've done alot of reading. Lots of ideas circulating around in my head. She has tried to give me some advice but I dunno about it. Something about her way being the right (and only) way, except when it isn't and is only for her instead, or something lol. I appreciate her input though (even when it makes no sense).
I hope this little visit will help to be an improvement upon our relationship together (as friends). It has always seemed to me that she has been maintaining the old mental image of how I used to be when we dated, how I used to be much less mature and much more emotionally distant. Maybe seeing me as I am now will help get around that. Seeing her has helped me in the same way - she is not the person she used to be.. and perhaps it is because I am more mature now I am able to appreciate her personality quirks as I hadn't before.
On the whole I think this has been a very helpful and therapeutic little vacation so far. I finally have the distance I needed from my old environment to be able to look at it with an outsider's perspective. I finally have the headspace to be able to contemplate things meaningfully. I'm earnestly hoping - no, intending, to be able to carry this back with me. It's of little use to be able to do this here but then fall back into the same habits and patterns when I return to North Carolina.
I like Steve Pavlina's paradigm of experiences as opposed to successes and failures. I intend to apply this in my life with as much range as possible (which I believe will be wide). Looking at things as being possibilities for success or failure is extremely limiting and has inhibited my ability to experiment and try new things. Needless worry and attachment to outcome is also derivative of that. I think taking life as a succession of experiences will be much more rewarding and furfilling. Anyway, I plan to use it.
Well, now sunlight is beginning to pour in through the window so I suppose I should go to sleep. Until next time..
Sairuh is asleep on the couch and is wanting to get up at 8am to go off on some kind of adventure. I'm not sure if she really wanted to go or if she were just doing it to keep me entertained, but nevertheless I doubt I will really feel like getting up. She says that she feels as though she has to keep me entertained. I'm not really here for that though. All I really want is to chill out and do nothing. I may leave off on my own for the next few days though to alleviate any stress I've put on her. I have tried to be nice and polite and inconspicuous and everything but I suppose it isn't enough.
We've done alot of talking and I've done alot of reading. Lots of ideas circulating around in my head. She has tried to give me some advice but I dunno about it. Something about her way being the right (and only) way, except when it isn't and is only for her instead, or something lol. I appreciate her input though (even when it makes no sense).
I hope this little visit will help to be an improvement upon our relationship together (as friends). It has always seemed to me that she has been maintaining the old mental image of how I used to be when we dated, how I used to be much less mature and much more emotionally distant. Maybe seeing me as I am now will help get around that. Seeing her has helped me in the same way - she is not the person she used to be.. and perhaps it is because I am more mature now I am able to appreciate her personality quirks as I hadn't before.
On the whole I think this has been a very helpful and therapeutic little vacation so far. I finally have the distance I needed from my old environment to be able to look at it with an outsider's perspective. I finally have the headspace to be able to contemplate things meaningfully. I'm earnestly hoping - no, intending, to be able to carry this back with me. It's of little use to be able to do this here but then fall back into the same habits and patterns when I return to North Carolina.
I like Steve Pavlina's paradigm of experiences as opposed to successes and failures. I intend to apply this in my life with as much range as possible (which I believe will be wide). Looking at things as being possibilities for success or failure is extremely limiting and has inhibited my ability to experiment and try new things. Needless worry and attachment to outcome is also derivative of that. I think taking life as a succession of experiences will be much more rewarding and furfilling. Anyway, I plan to use it.
Well, now sunlight is beginning to pour in through the window so I suppose I should go to sleep. Until next time..