your hair smells of smoke
today is cloudy and it's been raining on and off.
i can't stand it. i have some sort of sore between my rook and conch. it's throbbing.
i know it's not my piercings, and the motrin i keep poppin' is helping.
days like this bring nothing but bad news.
it started off amazing. i looked stylish as hell (for senior pictures) and got compliments left and right. which, of course makes someone with the self esteem level that i have feel even better. after lunch it went downhill. it hit me just how lonely i am. you are right. i am running, but half the time i don't even realize that i'm doing it. i'm get so tired of comprehending anything that i just basically give up. it's incredibly sad how i can do this. it's as if i set my brain on an examination table and pick everything out until it becomes raw. i do not like being an experiment, even for myself.
theres a boy at my school who is probably the only one who can turn my head without it having to do with his looks. he's not gorgeous, but he is cute. the one thing that attracts me to him, is his personality. i remember seeing him the first day of school and thought, "wow". he's mature, respects others, and has a good sense of humor. the bad thing is he smells like smoke most of the time (i hate smokers). yes, that's all thats bad. i don't know him well enough to get more out of him. i don't know how to approach it. i don't think i want to, honestly.
this rain is driving me crazy. thunder used to make you hide, and the darkness used to have you clinging to my chest. my pain used to have you swarming to my side in paranoia. any cut, bruise, or scratch would be instantly healed by your compassion.
and this is what i must keep out of my head
all the nonsense good memories that linger, the smells, the pictures, the dreams, they all need to be slaughtered. i can't stand them.
do not misunderstand this; the honest to god truth is but this: i do not want you in my life again, ever. i don't want to see your face in my dreams. i do not want to remember your personality (it was only molded to mine, a photo copy of my wants and needs). i only want peace. i want freedom from your manipulation, and i am damn near close to getting it.
i can't stand it. i have some sort of sore between my rook and conch. it's throbbing.
i know it's not my piercings, and the motrin i keep poppin' is helping.
days like this bring nothing but bad news.
it started off amazing. i looked stylish as hell (for senior pictures) and got compliments left and right. which, of course makes someone with the self esteem level that i have feel even better. after lunch it went downhill. it hit me just how lonely i am. you are right. i am running, but half the time i don't even realize that i'm doing it. i'm get so tired of comprehending anything that i just basically give up. it's incredibly sad how i can do this. it's as if i set my brain on an examination table and pick everything out until it becomes raw. i do not like being an experiment, even for myself.
theres a boy at my school who is probably the only one who can turn my head without it having to do with his looks. he's not gorgeous, but he is cute. the one thing that attracts me to him, is his personality. i remember seeing him the first day of school and thought, "wow". he's mature, respects others, and has a good sense of humor. the bad thing is he smells like smoke most of the time (i hate smokers). yes, that's all thats bad. i don't know him well enough to get more out of him. i don't know how to approach it. i don't think i want to, honestly.
this rain is driving me crazy. thunder used to make you hide, and the darkness used to have you clinging to my chest. my pain used to have you swarming to my side in paranoia. any cut, bruise, or scratch would be instantly healed by your compassion.
and this is what i must keep out of my head
all the nonsense good memories that linger, the smells, the pictures, the dreams, they all need to be slaughtered. i can't stand them.
do not misunderstand this; the honest to god truth is but this: i do not want you in my life again, ever. i don't want to see your face in my dreams. i do not want to remember your personality (it was only molded to mine, a photo copy of my wants and needs). i only want peace. i want freedom from your manipulation, and i am damn near close to getting it.