Vae Victis
No mercy for the fallen indeed.
Sprinkle this with bullshit mucho rock n roll metaphors but smart I think rather than any particular art.
I have been taking a beating for approximately five years. In order to keep the peace with my partner I quit a job - not a particularly good job mind you simply one that paid the bills and had gotten us out of debt - and moved 200 miles without a job on the other end. We got the house my partner wanted and I promptly scrambled for a job to no avail for over 18 months. When the next job came up I was forced to live a distance away and I did not make as much as I would hope but the bills were paid and we were getting ahead. Somehow this was insufficient and my partner begin to punish me for doing exactly what they had asked me to do.
I was then set a simple ultimatum: find another job and return to my partner in 3 months. I achieved the goal and took a 2/3 decrease in pay under the impression I had successfully achieved the request. A whole new round of punishment began. Realities forced us to find another home and reduce costs. I was punished for this as well.
I finally stumbled upon an opportunity and we relocated. My partner seemed to tolerate this, but I had become accustomed to the ongoing punishment and accepted the status quo. Silent about my needs I buried myself in distractions and soldiered on assuming that my partner's silence and smoldering disapproval was deserved.
They would communicate with me when they were ready.
A year and a half into a new Job I have finally come to the conclusion things will not change. The pattern of sullen silence and abusing my sense of duty has not changed. I am on the cusp of action as I wrestle with that sense of duty.
I am not the things that have defined my place to now.
I am not a:
source of income.
short order cook.
Council to be entreated and ignored for the same cycles of behavior.
Cuckold.
Whipping boy.
Confessor.
Friend of convenience.
In insisting this stop I have opened the challenge that a bluff is going to be called.
Its so nice to be a man who likes watching Rome burn.
Sprinkle this with bullshit mucho rock n roll metaphors but smart I think rather than any particular art.
I have been taking a beating for approximately five years. In order to keep the peace with my partner I quit a job - not a particularly good job mind you simply one that paid the bills and had gotten us out of debt - and moved 200 miles without a job on the other end. We got the house my partner wanted and I promptly scrambled for a job to no avail for over 18 months. When the next job came up I was forced to live a distance away and I did not make as much as I would hope but the bills were paid and we were getting ahead. Somehow this was insufficient and my partner begin to punish me for doing exactly what they had asked me to do.
I was then set a simple ultimatum: find another job and return to my partner in 3 months. I achieved the goal and took a 2/3 decrease in pay under the impression I had successfully achieved the request. A whole new round of punishment began. Realities forced us to find another home and reduce costs. I was punished for this as well.
I finally stumbled upon an opportunity and we relocated. My partner seemed to tolerate this, but I had become accustomed to the ongoing punishment and accepted the status quo. Silent about my needs I buried myself in distractions and soldiered on assuming that my partner's silence and smoldering disapproval was deserved.
They would communicate with me when they were ready.
A year and a half into a new Job I have finally come to the conclusion things will not change. The pattern of sullen silence and abusing my sense of duty has not changed. I am on the cusp of action as I wrestle with that sense of duty.
I am not the things that have defined my place to now.
I am not a:
source of income.
short order cook.
Council to be entreated and ignored for the same cycles of behavior.
Cuckold.
Whipping boy.
Confessor.
Friend of convenience.
In insisting this stop I have opened the challenge that a bluff is going to be called.
Its so nice to be a man who likes watching Rome burn.