(no subject)
I just want it to be 2020 already. space cars and robots. kinda like the jetsons but without the life and the family. that's all i really wanted was to make sure none of this mattered. when it did. i know you're sure about everything. i'm sure there's a reason. "funny how you can be stood up and let down at the same time." i'm sure it's true. back in the 60's the government used LSD as a legitimate drug in order to beckon the truth from criminals and liars, a truth serum. since then ethanol, scopolamine, and, most commonly, sodium penthanol have been used for the aforementioned purpose. none of these have proven effective and constantly rebirth the disbelief in such a drug. i say it's time for us to reopen the case. whether you meant this at all, or whether you were joking when you told me everything, but more like nothings. you said it, too bad you weren't hooked up to a polygraph. i guess waiting for the phone to ring isn't an option anymore. i don't think "such great heights" would soothe my anxiety anyway. i told myself i had to stop worrying, and how the doctors will prescribe me pills if i keep having the knots, not. nothing changes from day to day. maybe from year to year but i can't see any progress. i think if we could look back and see where we are now as opposed to where we were last year around this time, we would see how far we've come. but over the short term i see no improvement. sometimes i say things just to see if i can catch the microexpressions in your face. you know that quarter of a second that reveals the truth of someone's real emotions. i'm slipping in and out of people. they say when people are atrracted their pupil's dilate because of the stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system. i could never see your eyes though, you were too busy rolling them. i try to psychoanalyze myself but nothing comes of it. how can i give anyone else any advice if i can't even help myself. isn't that the ultimate hypocrisy? i don't know. i'm gonna sleep under it.