(no subject)
So I just sort of forgot about this for awhile and recently found it again - which means I guess I will write. Why not? It's the summer, and that's when I started the last one.
So I was looking at some old pictures tonight - ranging from.. maybe three years ago up until now - and it had a couple of ex-boyfriends in it... and I was thinking... the thing about ex-boyfriends is, in a matter of a few months from breaking up, you don't know each other. Each one has moved on and it's changed them in some way - and the relationship isn't the same at all, so you have to learn about each other in a new context, which can be painful and confusing - so...... why bother? No really. Why? Is it worth it?
You can think about all the good times and what an awesome person they WERE - but that's exactly it - you don't know them anymore. Period. Sure, some things will always stay the same... but like.. sometimes they just don't.
Maybe I just haven't had a successful "let's keep being friends" experience. But I really feel like it's a lot of bullshit. You can't be SO HEAVILY EMOTIONALLY involved with someone - and then be cool. ... like maybe when you run into them at the grocery store ten years later and none of it is contextual to your present life situation ... but like before then.. really ? really ? Who are you trying to fool.
Maybe just with flings... the awkward make out session... the I'm home, single, and highly attracted to you because I think you are hilarious and oh so handsome... the "not so much" - yea sure why not.. nothing was really ever invested that much, so it's easy to transform the relationship.
I mean... I'm saying this and I am the queen of talking over awkward meetings - I could sit down and spend a full 24 hours with someone and find something to say that they could say something back to if they cared at all to try.
I don't know. You really can't go back home, so to say.
Which is something else I know about, as I travel my 2500 or 3000 or whatever it is miles homes my ritualized three or four times a year. Depressing. I wish my family would just follow me. They should. I'm the most important. HA. It's like.. when you go back.. you've changed... and if something else hasn't changed your like.. why are you still the same.. and if it has changed your like... why aren't you the same - there's no happy middle I swear. And just when you get adjusted to being in a house, with your family, and your nifty friends that know about your awkward teen years - you have to go back. Back to being industrious and not sleeping and not having pets to cuddle with or people who tell you you are doing a good job and they are proud - self motivation is hard, though I think I pull it off well. But I do get to come back to some awesome friends and a cuddly boyfriend.. so I guess it kind of makes up. Though I want a dog sooo bad... but I don't have time for one until after I finish school, so I figure I'll get a cat - which I would do this year but Brenna doesn't want one... and I don't want to be that roommate that went out and bought the cat... okay that's not a real stereotype... but I feel it's a clear explanation.
And to top it all off our country is over fighting a war where we are torturing people. Seriously, is that the American way? - Okay actually it is because we've been doing it for years... but like... can't we change that? At least we were outsourcing our torture before... now we are just openly doing it ourselves... and what I don't get is no one seems to care... hundreds of doctors and psychologists are in on this too... wtf guys?
We need to stop this none sense before we get our asses bombed. And when we do - I'd rather not feel like we deserved it. I'm sure I"ll apply some sort of disengagement tactic... but like... I'll be aware... sucks to be a psych major sometimes.
Gee I'm grumpy tonight.
Well to totally cement the downer mood, have a clip.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yM1wc0dwtE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO-_Lmhq2Ro&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pz3bTeSmr8A&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk4zh08IXvU&feature=related
So I was looking at some old pictures tonight - ranging from.. maybe three years ago up until now - and it had a couple of ex-boyfriends in it... and I was thinking... the thing about ex-boyfriends is, in a matter of a few months from breaking up, you don't know each other. Each one has moved on and it's changed them in some way - and the relationship isn't the same at all, so you have to learn about each other in a new context, which can be painful and confusing - so...... why bother? No really. Why? Is it worth it?
You can think about all the good times and what an awesome person they WERE - but that's exactly it - you don't know them anymore. Period. Sure, some things will always stay the same... but like.. sometimes they just don't.
Maybe I just haven't had a successful "let's keep being friends" experience. But I really feel like it's a lot of bullshit. You can't be SO HEAVILY EMOTIONALLY involved with someone - and then be cool. ... like maybe when you run into them at the grocery store ten years later and none of it is contextual to your present life situation ... but like before then.. really ? really ? Who are you trying to fool.
Maybe just with flings... the awkward make out session... the I'm home, single, and highly attracted to you because I think you are hilarious and oh so handsome... the "not so much" - yea sure why not.. nothing was really ever invested that much, so it's easy to transform the relationship.
I mean... I'm saying this and I am the queen of talking over awkward meetings - I could sit down and spend a full 24 hours with someone and find something to say that they could say something back to if they cared at all to try.
I don't know. You really can't go back home, so to say.
Which is something else I know about, as I travel my 2500 or 3000 or whatever it is miles homes my ritualized three or four times a year. Depressing. I wish my family would just follow me. They should. I'm the most important. HA. It's like.. when you go back.. you've changed... and if something else hasn't changed your like.. why are you still the same.. and if it has changed your like... why aren't you the same - there's no happy middle I swear. And just when you get adjusted to being in a house, with your family, and your nifty friends that know about your awkward teen years - you have to go back. Back to being industrious and not sleeping and not having pets to cuddle with or people who tell you you are doing a good job and they are proud - self motivation is hard, though I think I pull it off well. But I do get to come back to some awesome friends and a cuddly boyfriend.. so I guess it kind of makes up. Though I want a dog sooo bad... but I don't have time for one until after I finish school, so I figure I'll get a cat - which I would do this year but Brenna doesn't want one... and I don't want to be that roommate that went out and bought the cat... okay that's not a real stereotype... but I feel it's a clear explanation.
And to top it all off our country is over fighting a war where we are torturing people. Seriously, is that the American way? - Okay actually it is because we've been doing it for years... but like... can't we change that? At least we were outsourcing our torture before... now we are just openly doing it ourselves... and what I don't get is no one seems to care... hundreds of doctors and psychologists are in on this too... wtf guys?
We need to stop this none sense before we get our asses bombed. And when we do - I'd rather not feel like we deserved it. I'm sure I"ll apply some sort of disengagement tactic... but like... I'll be aware... sucks to be a psych major sometimes.
Gee I'm grumpy tonight.
Well to totally cement the downer mood, have a clip.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yM1wc0dwtE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO-_Lmhq2Ro&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pz3bTeSmr8A&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk4zh08IXvU&feature=related