"I think music should play when we touch each other."
I haven't properly updated in a month. I'm on LJ every day, apparently I just lurk now.
Life has been really good the last couple of weeks. Thursday was the meteor shower, and enough (but less than I would have liked) people showed up, and the meteors were AWESOME, so it was really fun. And then yesterday my mom and I and my Other Sisters and Other Mother (#2) went tubing down a river for four hours, just lazing around. Twas grand.
The Inappropriate Older Man is recently back from Peru. I have to see him soon since I am leaving for Portland in A WEEK. Crazy.
Work is really fun--I adore one of the guys I work with and like a few others quite well. It's sad to think we'll probably not talk much after a week, especially since he doesn't use facebook that much. :(
Yes, I am still madly in love with the Boyfriend. Yes, he is still madly in love with me. But we are both taking advantage of the arrangement we made at the beginning of the summer, where we could do whatever we wanted. I love The Boyfriend and I know that a lot of people can't understand our relationship right now but it is what it is and it works for us and that's all that matters.
The Boyfriend has a friend with benefits and I have a...something. I thought it was a friend with benefits but it turned out to be more like he was legitimately trying to woo me. It's only been going on for about two weeks, but I've come to really enjoy his company.
He's been a family friend forever--I went to preschool with his little brother. It's a family with three beautiful brothers, and he is the eldest, and I don't know a single girl who doesn't want to be wooed by him. So it's all a little surprising, throws me off balance. Like when you're a freshman in high school and a senior is talking to you and you're not sure why this super awesome older kid even knows who you are. But he is quite sweet and I've talked to him about such anxieties and all is well.
And then last night I found out he wants to join the English Army (he's half-English) next year for explosive ordinance disposal.
Right.
I kind of had a panic attack. There was a lot of crying and hyperventilating and whenever I thought I was over it it would start up again. It seems better now, as I am not crying while writing this, which I was afraid might happen.
I guess it's just that I've never had anyone I'm this close to join a war. I know a few people in the armed forces, but only one who I really care about, and he was already in the Air Force when I met him. So it's different. It's scary. Especially in this situation, where I'm not quite sure of our relationship but I think about if it started at the beginning of the summer rather than the end and I think I would be in a very different place in my life if that had happened.
It's weird and it's scary and this guy has been in my life for forever. Every summer, every Christmas. The thought of not having him around when I come home doesn't sit well with me. Of course I'm afraid he'll die, but even more than that--it's an at least five years sort of thing. Not having him around for five years is a completely foreign idea. Especially now that I think I'd really like to have him around next summer when The Boyfriend and I aren't together so we can see where this thing would actually go.
It's just a weight pressing on my windpipe, like I need oxygen but I can't draw a big enough breath.
Anyway. Happier things. Anniversary with Other Sister tonight = Olive Garden then girlygirlygirly sleepover reminiscing about our former days. Seeing the Inappropriate Man sometime soon. Going back to Ptown in a week. ♥
Life has been really good the last couple of weeks. Thursday was the meteor shower, and enough (but less than I would have liked) people showed up, and the meteors were AWESOME, so it was really fun. And then yesterday my mom and I and my Other Sisters and Other Mother (#2) went tubing down a river for four hours, just lazing around. Twas grand.
The Inappropriate Older Man is recently back from Peru. I have to see him soon since I am leaving for Portland in A WEEK. Crazy.
Work is really fun--I adore one of the guys I work with and like a few others quite well. It's sad to think we'll probably not talk much after a week, especially since he doesn't use facebook that much. :(
Yes, I am still madly in love with the Boyfriend. Yes, he is still madly in love with me. But we are both taking advantage of the arrangement we made at the beginning of the summer, where we could do whatever we wanted. I love The Boyfriend and I know that a lot of people can't understand our relationship right now but it is what it is and it works for us and that's all that matters.
The Boyfriend has a friend with benefits and I have a...something. I thought it was a friend with benefits but it turned out to be more like he was legitimately trying to woo me. It's only been going on for about two weeks, but I've come to really enjoy his company.
He's been a family friend forever--I went to preschool with his little brother. It's a family with three beautiful brothers, and he is the eldest, and I don't know a single girl who doesn't want to be wooed by him. So it's all a little surprising, throws me off balance. Like when you're a freshman in high school and a senior is talking to you and you're not sure why this super awesome older kid even knows who you are. But he is quite sweet and I've talked to him about such anxieties and all is well.
And then last night I found out he wants to join the English Army (he's half-English) next year for explosive ordinance disposal.
Right.
I kind of had a panic attack. There was a lot of crying and hyperventilating and whenever I thought I was over it it would start up again. It seems better now, as I am not crying while writing this, which I was afraid might happen.
I guess it's just that I've never had anyone I'm this close to join a war. I know a few people in the armed forces, but only one who I really care about, and he was already in the Air Force when I met him. So it's different. It's scary. Especially in this situation, where I'm not quite sure of our relationship but I think about if it started at the beginning of the summer rather than the end and I think I would be in a very different place in my life if that had happened.
It's weird and it's scary and this guy has been in my life for forever. Every summer, every Christmas. The thought of not having him around when I come home doesn't sit well with me. Of course I'm afraid he'll die, but even more than that--it's an at least five years sort of thing. Not having him around for five years is a completely foreign idea. Especially now that I think I'd really like to have him around next summer when The Boyfriend and I aren't together so we can see where this thing would actually go.
It's just a weight pressing on my windpipe, like I need oxygen but I can't draw a big enough breath.
Anyway. Happier things. Anniversary with Other Sister tonight = Olive Garden then girlygirlygirly sleepover reminiscing about our former days. Seeing the Inappropriate Man sometime soon. Going back to Ptown in a week. ♥