time for some more sad white girl angst
Every time I make the mistake of feeling like my male friends are "better" than the rest of the guys of the world, as if my personal feministic beliefs somehow emanate from my body and create a bubble shield of education-on-privilege that covers all my loved ones, I suddenly find someone telling a misogynistic joke on Facebook or slut-shaming in their everyday speech.
I try to correct them, but with the knowledge that I consider myself a feminist, their reaction is to hastily assure me that it's "just a joke," or that someone else told it to them, or any array of excuses. If I continue to calmly correct them, saying that these reasons are not reasons to continue perpetuating the kyriarchy, they come to the conclusion that I am personally angry with them, am incapable or unwilling to be "reasoned with," on account of all my wacky feministic ideas, and they save themselves the trouble of examining their behavior by changing the subject or shutting the conversation down.
They fail to realize that I'm not angry with them. I'm scared for them. I don't want to see the hands of patriarchy working their mouths like puppeteers, stringing up their limbs and using them to perpetuate the sick power imbalance by reason of their own privilege. It's sickening and terrifying. They're my friends. I don't want them to be wrong. I want them to be right. If they were using drugs, I'd stage an intervention; if they were depressed, I'd advise them to see a doctor; and if I saw or heard them writing or saying misogynistic, ableist, racist, cis-gender-privileged, etc. things, I would tell them to stop and why it's important that they DO stop. Because I care about them. They're my friends.
I hate this sometimes.
somewhat-reassuring-though-not-totally-but-it's-getting-there edit!: He posted on my wall saying "I am sorry I hurt you." Though the problem wasn't really that I was hurt and more that I wanted him to refrain from saying hurtful things in future, I thanked him and wished him a happy Thanksgiving. Do I feel better? A bit.
I try to correct them, but with the knowledge that I consider myself a feminist, their reaction is to hastily assure me that it's "just a joke," or that someone else told it to them, or any array of excuses. If I continue to calmly correct them, saying that these reasons are not reasons to continue perpetuating the kyriarchy, they come to the conclusion that I am personally angry with them, am incapable or unwilling to be "reasoned with," on account of all my wacky feministic ideas, and they save themselves the trouble of examining their behavior by changing the subject or shutting the conversation down.
They fail to realize that I'm not angry with them. I'm scared for them. I don't want to see the hands of patriarchy working their mouths like puppeteers, stringing up their limbs and using them to perpetuate the sick power imbalance by reason of their own privilege. It's sickening and terrifying. They're my friends. I don't want them to be wrong. I want them to be right. If they were using drugs, I'd stage an intervention; if they were depressed, I'd advise them to see a doctor; and if I saw or heard them writing or saying misogynistic, ableist, racist, cis-gender-privileged, etc. things, I would tell them to stop and why it's important that they DO stop. Because I care about them. They're my friends.
I hate this sometimes.
somewhat-reassuring-though-not-totally-but-it's-getting-there edit!: He posted on my wall saying "I am sorry I hurt you." Though the problem wasn't really that I was hurt and more that I wanted him to refrain from saying hurtful things in future, I thanked him and wished him a happy Thanksgiving. Do I feel better? A bit.