"You worry to much, you need to stop worrying and trust people..."
"WASH AWAY US ALL.... TAKE US WITH THE FLOODS..."
wow and that easily, i believe i have a NEW favorite Pantera song...
ok i had a fat fucking entry i was writing and had it almost done in my journal but the power went out and turned my computer off... without saying i was rather pissed off when i went to finish it tonight... anyways..
today i was going to go up to santa cruz to see flipper and see a movie and she was going to give me a few cd's she had gotten used a store, i had given her a good list. anyways so i stopped by sani's to show him my new video game i got yesterday... (Suikoden III) and his PS2 didn't work, so we tried to take it apart and fix it.. i tink we killed it... anyways, i get up there and meet her, and we are in Big 5 and she tells me... she forgot the cd's... so we decide to blow the movie off and go up to san francisco to get the cd's and we just like hung out, we went to the stone's town mall... or something. and the metreon. the metreon is gay, i don't understand what everyone is talking about it for. well after that we drove back down to santa cruz and had some dinner at pleasure point pizza. flipper was going to Matty's for a party or something... i don't know why i feel so weird about that... (i also forgot why i have this journal... not to write about what i did... but how i felt, or am feeling.) anyways i just get really depressed and sad when i think about that for some reason. i dunno maybe it's cuz i am not a party person and just feel weird when people talk about them or i dunno it just makes me feel left out or something... and flipper is one of the best friends i have ever had , and i feel weird that she is hanging out with those people... i just feel weird about it... like even though i'm a counseler now and those people are my friend, i feel a bit like an outsider and it's totally not how i thought i'd feel... i'm from a different generation... and i feel kinda alone. i doubt Venkat will be a counseler and i don't even know if ramsay will... anyways... i just get depressed about stuff like that and feel bad about it... and i just don't know why i feel these things... that partially why i feel awfull.
... also i am kinda upset because flipper said she was upset because i don't trust her...and i truly do... i just have a few trust issues... and i didn't tell her also is because of my whole "have to be strong thing" in my head... it's not like conscious or anything... in fact i don't like having it. but for some reason i won't tell people when i'm sick or hurt or hurting inside... it usually takes a lot to draw that out of me and i just kinda keep some stuff to myself... i am a very open person but when i think about it i don't really say if i'm hurting... i always just say "i'm ok" or "no it's fine" thinking back... i've always been like this, my dad had to see that i was walking funny to realize there was something wrong with me when i was first diagnosed... wow thinking about it... this pride or whatever you call it could of killed me.... wow. yeah my liver and spleen were 3 times their size... couldn't deal with all the dead cells i guess and i couldn't walk right because my side hurt so bad... and i could only walk 3 or 4 steps without having to rest... it just wasn't good. yeah i guess i just have stop worrying about things and trust people more.. especially Samantha and Flipper... anyways yeah earlier she was talking about tomorow and i still got sad but were going to the movie tomorow probably... anyways i feel kinda better now... oh well i will write what i had in my other entry later... i'm just a little sad right now.. and lonely... i guess i'll end with some lyrics... i think i'll try to expose you to new good music every entry... i bet you can guess whats gonna be this time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
xxx FLOODS xxx
A dead issue, don't wrestle with it, deaf ears are sleeping
A guilty bliss, so inviting (let me in), nailed to the cross
I feel you, relate to you, accuse you
Wash away us all, take us with the floods
Then throughout the night, they were raped and executed
Cold hearted world
Your language unheard of, the!
vast sound of tuning out
The rash of negativity is seen one sidedly,
burn away the day
The nervous, the drifting, the heaving
Wash away us all, take us with the floods
Then throughout the day mankind played with grenades
Cold hearted world
And at night they might bait the pentagram
Extinguishing the sun
Wash away man, take him with the floods
wow and that easily, i believe i have a NEW favorite Pantera song...
ok i had a fat fucking entry i was writing and had it almost done in my journal but the power went out and turned my computer off... without saying i was rather pissed off when i went to finish it tonight... anyways..
today i was going to go up to santa cruz to see flipper and see a movie and she was going to give me a few cd's she had gotten used a store, i had given her a good list. anyways so i stopped by sani's to show him my new video game i got yesterday... (Suikoden III) and his PS2 didn't work, so we tried to take it apart and fix it.. i tink we killed it... anyways, i get up there and meet her, and we are in Big 5 and she tells me... she forgot the cd's... so we decide to blow the movie off and go up to san francisco to get the cd's and we just like hung out, we went to the stone's town mall... or something. and the metreon. the metreon is gay, i don't understand what everyone is talking about it for. well after that we drove back down to santa cruz and had some dinner at pleasure point pizza. flipper was going to Matty's for a party or something... i don't know why i feel so weird about that... (i also forgot why i have this journal... not to write about what i did... but how i felt, or am feeling.) anyways i just get really depressed and sad when i think about that for some reason. i dunno maybe it's cuz i am not a party person and just feel weird when people talk about them or i dunno it just makes me feel left out or something... and flipper is one of the best friends i have ever had , and i feel weird that she is hanging out with those people... i just feel weird about it... like even though i'm a counseler now and those people are my friend, i feel a bit like an outsider and it's totally not how i thought i'd feel... i'm from a different generation... and i feel kinda alone. i doubt Venkat will be a counseler and i don't even know if ramsay will... anyways... i just get depressed about stuff like that and feel bad about it... and i just don't know why i feel these things... that partially why i feel awfull.
... also i am kinda upset because flipper said she was upset because i don't trust her...and i truly do... i just have a few trust issues... and i didn't tell her also is because of my whole "have to be strong thing" in my head... it's not like conscious or anything... in fact i don't like having it. but for some reason i won't tell people when i'm sick or hurt or hurting inside... it usually takes a lot to draw that out of me and i just kinda keep some stuff to myself... i am a very open person but when i think about it i don't really say if i'm hurting... i always just say "i'm ok" or "no it's fine" thinking back... i've always been like this, my dad had to see that i was walking funny to realize there was something wrong with me when i was first diagnosed... wow thinking about it... this pride or whatever you call it could of killed me.... wow. yeah my liver and spleen were 3 times their size... couldn't deal with all the dead cells i guess and i couldn't walk right because my side hurt so bad... and i could only walk 3 or 4 steps without having to rest... it just wasn't good. yeah i guess i just have stop worrying about things and trust people more.. especially Samantha and Flipper... anyways yeah earlier she was talking about tomorow and i still got sad but were going to the movie tomorow probably... anyways i feel kinda better now... oh well i will write what i had in my other entry later... i'm just a little sad right now.. and lonely... i guess i'll end with some lyrics... i think i'll try to expose you to new good music every entry... i bet you can guess whats gonna be this time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
xxx FLOODS xxx
A dead issue, don't wrestle with it, deaf ears are sleeping
A guilty bliss, so inviting (let me in), nailed to the cross
I feel you, relate to you, accuse you
Wash away us all, take us with the floods
Then throughout the night, they were raped and executed
Cold hearted world
Your language unheard of, the!
vast sound of tuning out
The rash of negativity is seen one sidedly,
burn away the day
The nervous, the drifting, the heaving
Wash away us all, take us with the floods
Then throughout the day mankind played with grenades
Cold hearted world
And at night they might bait the pentagram
Extinguishing the sun
Wash away man, take him with the floods