(no subject)
What the fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk
I always thought this could work, I could balance, I was doing right, but its all wrong, its questionable as to what will work, and I'll do all that I can, and I'm doing all that I can. It's a dream that needs to start taking action into reality and I'm not taking it and its my own fault, but can I do it? It looks like no, I'm not prepared, did I work this hard where a year is worth losing it all? no? I don't know. It's books and lives and rooms and everything in life that makes this what it is, and I hope it works out and I've taken step 1a. to change it, step 1b tomorrow morning. Step 1.5 tomorrow afternoon, plus Tilly needs a sweater (she got a haircut, and its cold outside!). Please let this work out for me. I know what I need to do now and I genuinely want this. I really do. Everything we talk is about the future, but someday that future is now and shit, here it is. I generally feel self confident but what is this? this is other peoples lives and futures and this is me pretending to be something that I may not be, and how do I know and who is going to break the truth to me?
Anyway, voting myself off the island for the next decade or so. Please let me off, in each of the part a. b. c. d. ways. Please let this work, I am trying so hard to do whats right for me and this. I am almost behind.
Also: Regardless of where I am, what I'm doing, etc., I am always true to what I say, or at least as always as anyone can be. I am honest to myself and others, and I'm sorry for you if thats not the case.
I always thought this could work, I could balance, I was doing right, but its all wrong, its questionable as to what will work, and I'll do all that I can, and I'm doing all that I can. It's a dream that needs to start taking action into reality and I'm not taking it and its my own fault, but can I do it? It looks like no, I'm not prepared, did I work this hard where a year is worth losing it all? no? I don't know. It's books and lives and rooms and everything in life that makes this what it is, and I hope it works out and I've taken step 1a. to change it, step 1b tomorrow morning. Step 1.5 tomorrow afternoon, plus Tilly needs a sweater (she got a haircut, and its cold outside!). Please let this work out for me. I know what I need to do now and I genuinely want this. I really do. Everything we talk is about the future, but someday that future is now and shit, here it is. I generally feel self confident but what is this? this is other peoples lives and futures and this is me pretending to be something that I may not be, and how do I know and who is going to break the truth to me?
Anyway, voting myself off the island for the next decade or so. Please let me off, in each of the part a. b. c. d. ways. Please let this work, I am trying so hard to do whats right for me and this. I am almost behind.
Also: Regardless of where I am, what I'm doing, etc., I am always true to what I say, or at least as always as anyone can be. I am honest to myself and others, and I'm sorry for you if thats not the case.