(no subject)
there are certain things/people/places that i like to pretend don't exist.
that's my coping skills as of the past year. instead of dwelling, i just pretend it doesn't exist or isn't there or never happened.
so when someone or something gets near me or in my social group, or shows themselves to EXIST again it makes my heart start to pound and I can't handle it because i'm faced with all the overwhelming feelings i've pushed aside. I know that doesn't make any sense, but basically what i'm trying to say is that when something bothers me I avoid it or them as much as possible and drop them from my head.
but what happens when you are faced with the fact that those shitty things do exist? what happens if you're forced into a working environment with that shitty person/place/thing
what happens if they know people close to you?
how do you handle that? these are strictly hypothetical questions of course. i ask because as i pushed my books aside for some early spring cleaning today, i picked up a letter and started to read it. it was dirty and old and clearly had been shoved and gotten stuck between some books years ago and forgotten. my heart started to race as i read the contents and i got a sick panic attack feeling.
sometimes you get those little reminders, of the things that you choose or wish to forget. regardless, i saved the letter. maybe in a few years when i've detached myself from my current feelings of resentment then i'll be able to appreciate the things from teenage years. for now, they still bug me a bit.
in other news, I bought a 2007 chevy cobalt today. picking it up off the lot tomorrow. got a great deal. $150 a mo.
that's my coping skills as of the past year. instead of dwelling, i just pretend it doesn't exist or isn't there or never happened.
so when someone or something gets near me or in my social group, or shows themselves to EXIST again it makes my heart start to pound and I can't handle it because i'm faced with all the overwhelming feelings i've pushed aside. I know that doesn't make any sense, but basically what i'm trying to say is that when something bothers me I avoid it or them as much as possible and drop them from my head.
but what happens when you are faced with the fact that those shitty things do exist? what happens if you're forced into a working environment with that shitty person/place/thing
what happens if they know people close to you?
how do you handle that? these are strictly hypothetical questions of course. i ask because as i pushed my books aside for some early spring cleaning today, i picked up a letter and started to read it. it was dirty and old and clearly had been shoved and gotten stuck between some books years ago and forgotten. my heart started to race as i read the contents and i got a sick panic attack feeling.
sometimes you get those little reminders, of the things that you choose or wish to forget. regardless, i saved the letter. maybe in a few years when i've detached myself from my current feelings of resentment then i'll be able to appreciate the things from teenage years. for now, they still bug me a bit.
in other news, I bought a 2007 chevy cobalt today. picking it up off the lot tomorrow. got a great deal. $150 a mo.